Forum Discussion
The date is set!!!
Day 10 - after round six.
STRESS
str?s
noun
- a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or demanding circumstances.
Even with the week I've had, I was starting to relax a little....I have a bit of time up my sleeve I thought..........Well.......
The phone rang......."Hello" I say......"Hello Tracy? Dr Xia here..."
My.....heart....sank...and....nearly.....came....out....through....my...
stomach.....!!!
You see Dr Xia is my breast surgeon......my heart was pounding! Why is he calling me?? After some reassurance from him all was OK...It turns out he and my Plastic surgeon have been conspiring behind my back! LOL! I haven't even seen the Plastic Surgeon yet!
MY SURGERY IS BOOKED IN FOR 24/6/16!!!!!
I'm like that only 2 weeks away.....2 weeks!!!!
And wait a minute, I had plans, plans to do a few things, plans to have a pre op party, plans, plans, plans!!!!! I have things booked for this weekend and next weekend.....and as I don't want to over do it so I thought OK, I still have a few free weekends free before the date discussed at previous appointments... (early July)........
He asked if that was OK? Well actually, NO! I wish this whole damn thing would just go away! No it's not OK! This whole thing is NOT OK!! ......But I said... " Sure, bring it on!" all the while, my eyes were wide and I was freaking out!
Needless to say my heart rate (I could hear it in my ears!) went up and I started to cry! My hands and feet started stinging red hot....After a cuddle from hubby, I calmed down a little......".This is a good thing" he said "they're getting onto it, getting it over with so you can have the rest of your treatment".......of course he's right, but my inner cynic started on me.
Am I making the right decision? What if this, what if that, what if I do, what if I don't.....Holy shit Batman! Double holy Shit!....this announcement has caught me quite unawares......
With that swirling around in my head I went to my GP appointment...She checked me over and checked my sore and swollen gum and my toe....It's the chemo doing this...no heat, no temp means no infection...a change in mouthwash to give me a bit more freshness and moisture and a change in toothpaste to help gums and a script for the nerve pain (if it gets to unbearable). We discussed the impending surgery and she has cemented my choice....my team is working together to give me the best possible outcome, the best possible prognosis.....
All of this stress, the ups and downs on top of our normal day to day lives and events has taken it's toll....it has affected hubby's health too....hubby has come out of the GP visit with a new BP med (3 now) added to his regime and a mouth full of ulcers.....it adds to my already worried thoughts....
After our trip to the chemist (we may as well move in!) We went for a quiet dinner to the local Thai.....yumm yumm. Then we went home only to discover we were locked out! Hubby had given his keys to the mechanic and the key to the house was on that key ring! Arrrgh!.....managed to call daughter and go and collect her key! Far out...what an afternoon!
So I now only have 2 weeks until my surgery! This is a massive step in my treatment, but I know in my heart it's the right choice, I now have to convince my brain of this! It's the right thing to do to ensure I have the best possible chance of vanquishing the bitch that broke down our door and ransacked our lives.....
So a deeeeep breath I will take, probably shed a few more tears, try to clear my mind and concentrate on getting stronger......stronger for the next chapter.
The end is near bitch......prepare to retreat, screaming, back to Hell.
Xx <3 xX
11 Replies
Bugger! I hope all is good and you can continue with the treatment....
The crap we put up with!
Great you are in good hands.... I couldn't get Dr Sjarif as he was away so I had Dr Perkins. I had implants and unfortunately due to microscopic cell having radio, but my left breast is now swollen and hoping implant is not affected, having ultrasounds next week.
Good luck it will all be ok xxx
LOL
tell you what... boob job is not the worst thing... After half my left boob went with the lumpectomy funnily because of the placement of the tumor boobie perked up.
I am turning 45 in August and the running joke with the breast care nurse was that I should have asked for the right boob to get a trim as I now have a 30yo 'Perky' on my left and a 45yo 'Saggy' on the right ??
Nowhere near as endowed as yourself as mine were a D to DD (I am a fat arse...) but now I have a solid C (coming into B due to weight loss) perky as can be on the left and a saggy droopy DD/D on the right...
Mind you I hate wearing bras so probably will not be able to work out actual sizes until Chemo is done I do back to work and am firced back into wearing darn bras again...
I so should have had the right boobie go in for a 'trim' ????????
And you are absolutely being taken out to lunch when you R up to it - my last Chemo is in July so doible reason for a party ?
Jel
Dr Xia is beautiful.....My PS is Dr Sjarif...it think they all work with Dr Perkins as he is on the referral header too...
I am having expanders as I still have to have rads.....
Xx
Woo hoo another step closer to cancer free boobs! Understand your reaction I was told at 2.30 on a Wednesday they wanted to operate the next morning. I argued nicely and it happened on Monday.
Don't put undue pressure on yourself with pre op party and catch ups. I had a girlfriend that meant well and drove me nutty with the relentless questions and stress like how do you know you've got the best surgeon. In the end I asked her did she want me to go to the yellow pages?
Take time to take stock at home mentally and physically. Calming yourself and hubby is the priority.
Take care sending you a virtual hug Christine xx
Unfortunately we do not get to pick and choose our surgery dates. Our health system is so busy, just getting a date this century is a good thing. Just keep on getting over your chemo girl and get your hubby eating some more greens to fix those mouth ulcers. Its day by day now until your surgery. Don't try to cram everything in before. Plenty of time after you have recovered from your surgery to get on with living your life.
Ok... this the next step! You have already been through the hard crap that BC has thrown at you, Yes it is scary as shit, you will cry, you will laugh, you will smile but at the end of the day this is another way to beat this, you are in good hands as you know I have Dr Xia and he was great!
Who is the PS??? I had Dr Perkins, another great Dr. who did a great job. Are you having reconstruction or expanders? If you want to discuss anything at all let me know and I'll give you my number.
And by the way I did act like a tantrum child and cried all the way wheeled into op, they couldn't wait fast enough to give the anesthetic to shut me up, LOL!!!!
Hi Jane,
Yes it was a shock! I was like ummm NO! How dare they! LOL! No seriously, i know they had to tee up a date that they were both available for to do tag team surgery...one removes and one rebuilds.....so it's OK.
My hubby is the best.....I only have him.....and his family....my family want nothing to do with me (loooong story)......and actually my own kids are pretty useless too I will sadly admit....but hubby has been a rock through this and he hates to see me cry...I'm usually the strong one you see....and i hate to see him cry and look at me the way he does during appointments
Although you do feel like acting like a little child and throwing a huge tantrum don't you???
Xx
Thanks Jel!
What a beautiful old soul you are......
I am no stranger to major surgeries.. let's just say I've coped the rough end of the genetic wand!
My boobs (14HH) are kinda my trademark, so losing them is a bit freaky! Even my male friends are asking will I rebuild them to the same size??!!! LOL! Ummm hell no! People think it's great to have big boobs! and yes while it can have advantages, it's actually a nightmare...years of back, neck and shoulder pain, bruising, denting on shoulders...can't find clothes to fit properly...I need a size 20-22 top to get over them but I am only a 12-14 on the bottom! have to go to specialty shops just to buy a bra.....the list goes on....
I guess once I'm over the initial shock and all....I can be happy......I got my reduction...even if it wasn't under my terms!....i'll be 50 (October) and have smaller, perky new boobs!
I'll hold you to that lunch date!
Sometimes it's all too much isn't it, and all you can do is cry and say "but I don't want to". That must have been a shock to have the date locked in for you like that, when you were busy concentrating on everything else.
I hope you can take it easy between now and your surgery, and that in the meantime your battle with the chemo side effects abates. Crying in the loving embrace of a sympathetic partner sounds like the perfect prescription.
Jane
