Dear @KMAC46. The ladies here have all been so supportive and trying to help you but it seems to me that you really do not want that sort of help and someone needs to take a different approach. Sorry to be sounding mean but really, you do have to get a grip somehow and learn to take a more positive view of things. All the ladies have been where you are at, in varying stages of panic, but we've all got through it by yes, taking it one step at a time and not thinking too far ahead. You need to get to your psychiatrist ASAP and get some assistance with your feelings or it will drag you down even further. Get off this site and anywhere else providing the woe is me support as you need to be taught to help yourself. It has happened and the treatment has to happen and you are not the first one to feel as you do. Has your partner read your post ? Perhaps that would be a good idea. Come on girl, pull up your big girl panties that say I am positive. I have a history of depression and anxiety and am alone in the world with no children and having lost my husband just prior - I got through it. All the best. Anne