So scared

thank you all so much.

I just cant seem to stop crying. I try so hard, but they keep falling. I need to find the strength inside me but it seems to have gone AWOL. You are all an inspiration to me and I hope I can be the super girls you all are in time. 

I just hate my body at the moment and I hate my left breast. I know this is normal but i want to feel better. Apparently my breast cancer is the most common one, but its so hard to not feel alone. ( hope that makes sense?)

My husband is trying so hard to lift my spirits as my specialist said my lumps are small and its very early stages, but to me, cancer is cancer no matter how you put it.

Im sorry for blurbing on. i think my fingers are just typing my feelings out before i can think :(

Love you all xxx

Hi Jodie. I remember that feeling of total disbelief and terror you are feeling now. I was diagnosed last December having two lumps discovered by mammogram. I had no symptoms at all and now tell every woman I know to have regular mammograms. It is a scary road to travel but with the support of this wonderful group of women and your loving family, you will get through. I had a lumpectomy in February but the margin wasn't clear so it was recommended that I have chemo for six months then a mastectomy of my left breast. The chemo was tough going but that word DO-ABLE is true. I got through and sooner than I thought. I then started thinking about the mastectomy and eventually came to the decision to have both breasts removed with immediate reconstruction. I knew that I'd always be worrying about cancer coming again in my right breast so psychologically it was the best decision for me and I haven't regretted that decision. I woke up after surgery with two new breasts and I have not mourned for my old ones at all. I got the pathology results a few days later that confirmed that the cancer is gone and I have completely clear margins. I cried with relief. I didn't start blogging on BCNA until May this year and before that I was terrified at what I found through googling. I think finding this site literally saved my sanity. My family and friends have been absolute rocks for me in their support and care but the ladies here who have been or are going through this journey KNOW what you and I are going through and we can come on here and get the best support and advice and I'm so happy that I can give some back now. You will find in time you'll be able to support new members too and it feels really great. I agree with all the comments you've received here. The best thing you can do now is be kind to yourself. It's okay to cry, scream, rant and rave. As my mum always says, it's better out than in. Sending you huge cyber hugs right now. Love Janey xxx

and know we are all here for you, Jodie!

XX Mandy

wow. Thank you for all your encouraging words and help. Im still so much in shock and cant think to straight. 

the only thing right now thats going through my mind is surviving :(

Ill be coming here alot as i go down this journey that you all have gone through, are going through and many more behind us xxx

I thank you all.

When I was diagnosed with DCIS seven years ago at age 40 (seven years ago), I would have had a mastectomy after the first lumpectomy. I wear a size 12B bra and amoungst all the information that I was given with my diagnosis, no where did it state that your breast may not look normal after a lumpectomy. I had four surgeries at fortnightly intervals. The last was a mastectomy with an implant reconstruction. I was offered the option of an implant as although getting a clear margin from DCIS was proving difficult, my small sized dcis and low grade cancer combined with being young and small breasted made me a good candidate. So if you need more than one lumpectomy, save yourself the stress, time and cost of subsequent surgeries to get a clear margin and have the mastectomy. Within a year of the surgery swelling going down more cancer was found on the scar. Two more surgeries and radiotherapy followed but that's another story. As is the lump I had removed yesterday and await the verdict. Good luck!

Hi Jodie, I'm new to this site also. I'm 41 and 3 months ago I was diagnosed with non invasive DCIS. I have 2 young boys (5 and 7). Having lost my mother to BC at 52, for me the dicision was easy. I'm now 4 weeks post op from a double mastectony. Thankfully all my results came back clear. Today I have my first saline injection in my expanders. I have a long road ahead for the reconstruction (although not as long as many), but I know I made the right decsion for me and my family. I'm lucky in that I don't need to have chemo or radio therapy. I'm just grateful that I could make the choice and my family won't need to see me go through what I saw my mother go through. I'm so surprised at how quickly my body has recovered from the surgery. I did as I was told and rested well :)

There will be many appintments ahead of you, much waiting and anxiety. I always took a girl friend with me (if my husband couldn't make it), no matter how big or small the appointment was. Sometime we just sat in the waiting room, not talking. Other times I talked so fast from nerves you couldn't understand what I was saying. Good luck with your decision making. Sarah :)

Just sending you loads of love.  You have come to the right place.  "Aunty" Shirl will be sending you any info that you need.  Whenever you feel the need come on line.  There is always someone in a similar situation as yourself and it is great to have a "buddy" to support you through this journey. XLeonie

Hi again ... I'm away for the weekend - going down to Horsham, Terry's daughter's 30th BUT my mobile is on all the time .. I think we have coverage out at the phone.  If mine doesn't receive, Terry's number is o428337890.  Call if you need me,

Enjoy your time with the kids, share everything with them - you will be surprised how strong they will be after the initial "sooky session".  Not putting down anyone who crys, it's a natural reaction when you are afraid.

When I went to Community Liaison training, I would cry every time I talked about b/c and mentioned Trevor, Jackie and the kids ... so we coined a phrase "Shirl's sooking-up" so that was another source of laughter.!!!

I've been speaking to Mum and I'm going to send her some info (so that she keeps away from Dr Google).  She and David are with you all the way, but as you can imagine they are scared too.

Love to you all, and will chat when I get home

Shirl x0x