Forum Discussion
Scan day freaking sucks......yet again. Probable curse words included.
With only minor trepidation and my shit mostly together I went to clinic today to get my results. I stopped to give a co worker that had just been diagnosed (MOFO BC) a hug and a shoulder to cry on for a bit while we were waiting. I heard my name called and promised her she would get through and I would be happy to help if I could in any way. She thanked me with that smile you put on when you are trying so hard not to burst into tears and your heart is aching as I waltzed on in to the doctors office.
Well the whole thing went sideways and turned into me leaving work in a shaky, teary eyed mess. My goodness this thing still rocks you when least expect it.
Here we go again with another fucking ambiguous result about the mystical eliptical thingamajjigy that has taken up residence in the rogue boob. Said thingy has decided to grow 2mm in 6 months. BIRAIDS score now moved up from a 3 to a 4 and hey lets poke a needle in it this time. This presents a problem. Considering the MRI is still the only machine that can see thingy (again it can't be felt by anyone either) and it's positioning, it is probable that a biopsy can't be done in the MRI machine. Still waiting on an answer for that one.
So do we just poke around in there and try to hit it?? Cut it out or off just for the heck of it?
No body is prepared to say it is anything sinister nor are they prepared to say it's not.
Seriously, can someone please tell me how, for the love of god, you can have 4 MRI's, 4 mammograms and 6 u/sounds in a period of 12 months and still not know what this is or isn't.
So as it sits, back to headlining the MDT on Thursday to get input from group of guru's as quote "my breast don't scan normally". Another targetted u/s on Friday. And wait for an answer on whether the biopsy can be done by MRI.
Waiting waiting waiting yet again. Fuckity fuck fuck. I am sick of this roller coaster. I want to get off and my money back.
Mental status right now = somewhere between zoned out numbness and seriously pissed off.
Strongly considering ostrich tactics at the moment.
Thanks for listening. :/
Well the whole thing went sideways and turned into me leaving work in a shaky, teary eyed mess. My goodness this thing still rocks you when least expect it.
Here we go again with another fucking ambiguous result about the mystical eliptical thingamajjigy that has taken up residence in the rogue boob. Said thingy has decided to grow 2mm in 6 months. BIRAIDS score now moved up from a 3 to a 4 and hey lets poke a needle in it this time. This presents a problem. Considering the MRI is still the only machine that can see thingy (again it can't be felt by anyone either) and it's positioning, it is probable that a biopsy can't be done in the MRI machine. Still waiting on an answer for that one.
So do we just poke around in there and try to hit it?? Cut it out or off just for the heck of it?
No body is prepared to say it is anything sinister nor are they prepared to say it's not.
Seriously, can someone please tell me how, for the love of god, you can have 4 MRI's, 4 mammograms and 6 u/sounds in a period of 12 months and still not know what this is or isn't.
So as it sits, back to headlining the MDT on Thursday to get input from group of guru's as quote "my breast don't scan normally". Another targetted u/s on Friday. And wait for an answer on whether the biopsy can be done by MRI.
Waiting waiting waiting yet again. Fuckity fuck fuck. I am sick of this roller coaster. I want to get off and my money back.
Mental status right now = somewhere between zoned out numbness and seriously pissed off.
Strongly considering ostrich tactics at the moment.
Thanks for listening. :/
177 Replies
- Fuckity Fuck Fuck indeed!! Je-sus!! You've been thru the mill on this one already, @kezmusc - no point looking & feeling like a Voodoo Doll if there is no certainty of a result! grrrI Hope you've enjoyed your Traminer Riesling - Go girl!! Loving your Cowboy husband xxAll the best as you wait for your surgery & fingers & toes (knees as well) crossed that it is all clear xxxx
- I'd be saying the same as hubby... we all get how stressed you must be. So hope its migrating scar tissue (whatever the hell that is...moving away hopefully)
- Ah, crap. At least he was honest, and gave you the choice to bail. Hell, I would have too. Nothing chicken about that. Weighed up the potential risks & benefits, and did what any smart person would've done........ high tailed outa there
Take care - Hi all.
Things ended up in an epic fail on the biopsy side yesterday. The radiologist guru still couldn't locate anything positive to target even with the positioning from the MRI, doing a recheck on the past mammos and spending a bloody eternity doing the u/sound. Anyone ever think it's somewhat odd that random strange men poking around your boobs is now normal and you don't even give a shit? Wow.
He said he had a good idea of where it was but "this will be a very unpleasant experience for an educated guess" read that as it's gonna hurt like heck (straight through through the nipple eeew) with a good chance I'll miss. I bailed on it and did a chicken run out of there. FTS. I don't want to spend days waiting on results from a guess, so I am glad he was honest about it.
I quizzed him a bit on the "scar evolution" (sounds like a rock band doesn't it?) and he was quite non commital and vague about scars growing.
A straight out question on what else it could be was "possibly scar tissue, some benign cyst , fat necrosis, fibrodadenoma thingy or well.....you know what.
Better out than in though right?
So somewhat ironically Monday is 3yrs from DDay. My girls turn twenty one on Thursday which brings on a bit of dejavu as I wait for shitty crap news a few days before a milestone birthday. By the time I get back to theatre (current BS on holidays for three weeks, mine still on maternity leave and possibly not as minor a procedure as first led to believe) it will be very close to 3yrs from the first surgery. I haven't even spoken to this surgeon, I know who he is and that's about it. Anyway, really beyond caring at the moment who's doing it so long as it's gone. Then the wait to see what the bloody thing is.
Here we fucking go again. Nobody is saying the C word yet, including me but seriously, WTF ?????????? My DH is dirty as anything, reckons none of the doctors know what they are doing, their machines aren't worth a piece of horse shit and I "should have cut that fucker off straight up" Jeeeesus, lucky I know that's him scared to death. LOL Cowboys go figure, Not good at feelings. Can't hide the watery eyes though can he?
Hope that all made sense. A lovely bottle of Traminer Riesling and I have had a serious date this afternoon. Apologies for typos, bad spelling and grammar, curse words, nonsensical stuff blahdy blah etc etc etc. Luckily there is a second bottle chilling.
Thanks for listening again lovelies.
What doesn't kill you right??????????
xoxoxooxo - Hope today went ok, and wasn't too traumatic. Very much hope they got the tissue they need. Will be thinking of you as you wait, yet again.
Have an ostrich weekend, spend some time with that stallion - Wishing you the very best outcome. Xx Big hugs
- Good luck with everything kezmusc, I will be thinking and praying for you xxx
- Sounds like there's a plan, anyway. Good luck with it and hope it's not too ouchy.
- All the best @kezmusc - everything crossed for a clear result. xxx
I had a similar scare last Xmas, 12 months after my original lump discovery! It was scar tissue. - Hello @kezmusc wishing you all the best tomorrow
