Forum Discussion
Scan day freaking sucks......yet again. Probable curse words included.
With only minor trepidation and my shit mostly together I went to clinic today to get my results. I stopped to give a co worker that had just been diagnosed (MOFO BC) a hug and a shoulder to cry on for a bit while we were waiting. I heard my name called and promised her she would get through and I would be happy to help if I could in any way. She thanked me with that smile you put on when you are trying so hard not to burst into tears and your heart is aching as I waltzed on in to the doctors office.
Well the whole thing went sideways and turned into me leaving work in a shaky, teary eyed mess. My goodness this thing still rocks you when least expect it.
Here we go again with another fucking ambiguous result about the mystical eliptical thingamajjigy that has taken up residence in the rogue boob. Said thingy has decided to grow 2mm in 6 months. BIRAIDS score now moved up from a 3 to a 4 and hey lets poke a needle in it this time. This presents a problem. Considering the MRI is still the only machine that can see thingy (again it can't be felt by anyone either) and it's positioning, it is probable that a biopsy can't be done in the MRI machine. Still waiting on an answer for that one.
So do we just poke around in there and try to hit it?? Cut it out or off just for the heck of it?
No body is prepared to say it is anything sinister nor are they prepared to say it's not.
Seriously, can someone please tell me how, for the love of god, you can have 4 MRI's, 4 mammograms and 6 u/sounds in a period of 12 months and still not know what this is or isn't.
So as it sits, back to headlining the MDT on Thursday to get input from group of guru's as quote "my breast don't scan normally". Another targetted u/s on Friday. And wait for an answer on whether the biopsy can be done by MRI.
Waiting waiting waiting yet again. Fuckity fuck fuck. I am sick of this roller coaster. I want to get off and my money back.
Mental status right now = somewhere between zoned out numbness and seriously pissed off.
Strongly considering ostrich tactics at the moment.
Thanks for listening. :/
Well the whole thing went sideways and turned into me leaving work in a shaky, teary eyed mess. My goodness this thing still rocks you when least expect it.
Here we go again with another fucking ambiguous result about the mystical eliptical thingamajjigy that has taken up residence in the rogue boob. Said thingy has decided to grow 2mm in 6 months. BIRAIDS score now moved up from a 3 to a 4 and hey lets poke a needle in it this time. This presents a problem. Considering the MRI is still the only machine that can see thingy (again it can't be felt by anyone either) and it's positioning, it is probable that a biopsy can't be done in the MRI machine. Still waiting on an answer for that one.
So do we just poke around in there and try to hit it?? Cut it out or off just for the heck of it?
No body is prepared to say it is anything sinister nor are they prepared to say it's not.
Seriously, can someone please tell me how, for the love of god, you can have 4 MRI's, 4 mammograms and 6 u/sounds in a period of 12 months and still not know what this is or isn't.
So as it sits, back to headlining the MDT on Thursday to get input from group of guru's as quote "my breast don't scan normally". Another targetted u/s on Friday. And wait for an answer on whether the biopsy can be done by MRI.
Waiting waiting waiting yet again. Fuckity fuck fuck. I am sick of this roller coaster. I want to get off and my money back.
Mental status right now = somewhere between zoned out numbness and seriously pissed off.
Strongly considering ostrich tactics at the moment.
Thanks for listening. :/
177 Replies
- Yes @kezmusc, one day at a time, definitely. As my psych says, no predictive grief.
This is so shit, and I'm sorry that you're such a medical mystery. It'd be so much easier if it was all straightforward, but, well, you're a special one! Which we know, but geeze, it'd be great to be special in a different way eh?!
The bureaucratic nightmare adds insult to injury. It's staggering. However look at you using these things to make yourself a better nurse! Incredible Kezza! You are an example to us all.
I hope you can find the strength to keep the whale of doom at bay. Sending my love and a big hug. K xox - Me too @kezmusc Big hugs and snugs .... and southern comfort and coke (as needed!)
xxx - @kezmusc OMG, you poor thing! This is dragging out for you & you certainly dont need all this hanging over your head this time of year when everyone seems to go on holidays!! Sending you love, prayers, strength & sanity as you try to calm yourself & think positive. Father Christmas owes you a BIG pressie this year & that will be good news!! love & hugs xx
- From me as well, @kezmusc
- Thank you @Afraser. xoxoxo
- Nothing I can usefully say, as no one needs this Russian saga, particularly before Christmas, other than to wish you all the luck in the world and a good outcome.
- Hi all,
We had a really good storm last night. About 2.5 inches of rain so that's fantastic. Blew like heck though.
I reckon @Brenda5, I might even have to bust out the mower before xmas lol. I think I'll look at the grass for a while if it appears. I am so so hoping for a quirky nothing.
@Zoffiel, it's getting close to that.
I have been hibernating and overthinking after a less than inspirational apt with BS on Tuesday. The guru lady cannot get me in until next Wednesday. Which will be fanastic,not. I am either going to get great news or have a bloody awful xmas by the time the results are through. Maybe I'll be lucky and they wont get back quickly.
I am a bit scared of the core biopsy this time. The last guru told me it was going to be a very unpleasant experience and I am not going to be able to run away again.
BS wants a definite result from the bx. In other words if it doesn't come back as a benign whatever and comes back as normal tissue they've missed and it has to come out because we can't trust it. She was elluding to the fact that successful lump removal again probably will not be possible if "the bitch is back" so only one other option in that case. :'(
It's taking quite an effort to not go all "cloudy fog of doom" and pacifify the rabbit at the moment.
Anyhoo, let's hope she's a damn good shot and I get a benign thingamy result. One day at a time, Yes?
xoxoxoxo - Surely you got some of that good rain last night? I suppose now your garden will grow rampant lol. I hope all your tests are going ok. It would be great to find its just a bit of a quirky nothing or something thats not quite as difficult to get at as they thought. Hugz <3
- @Anne65, thanks for the update. Congratulations on your results and very glad that it all went smoothly:)
- Gawd, Kez, I'd be agitated enough to want to chew it out myself after all that. Mxx
