Roller coaster ride!
Had my first surgery ever!
All went well and when I met my surgeon the next Monday, I was told I had the perfect little cancer, that was a perfect target. My margins were clear and it hadn't spread to the lymphnodes. Awesome. Maybe I wouldn't need as much treatment, but I was wrong.
I would need chemo, Herceptin infusions and radiation, as well as Tamoxifen for the next 5-10 years- WT? Appointments were set up for the next few days to meet my chemo oncologist and radiology oncologist- who would have thought that at 39 years of age I'd be meeting these people. Only the week before I had seen an IVF specialist to start the baby roller coaster going...oh well that has come to a grinding halt. But on the positive side, I did go through a fast tracked IVF over the next 3 weeks before my chemo started to to freeze some fertilized eggs to try and give me the best possible chance of conceiving down the track. Not a great outcome, out of 10 eggs collected, only 1 embryo could be frozen. But I guess you only need one though, don't you! Gotta stay positive! Apparently using Zolodex to put me into a temporary menopause will help to protect my ovaries. God help my poor partner, more mood swings to deal with!
While IVF was going on, all those other scans were taking place. More firsts for me. CT scans, bone density scans and Heart scans because of the infusions I'd be taking. I hear there's something called scanxiety and boy did I have it...what if it's somewhere else? I was more nervous about the scans, than the surgery. At least the surgery got the little bugger out! Luckily the scans were all clear (well except perhaps for the sneaky little cells that might not show up).
I had 3 weeks off work while all of this was going on and wanted to get back to a normal routine. Funnily enough I think family, friends and colleagues have found this harder than me to an extent. I think people think the worst. I got told that some colleagues had commented I looked so well, it must have happened quick. What? I'm not dying people! I'm surviving an illness ( please don't think I am underestimating cancer- I lost my dad a few years back to this dreaded disease, but it's how I need to cope with it) And this is crap, but I can honestly say I have never thought about as more than a glitch, an inconvenience, in my life at the moment (and I suppose for a long time considering I'll be taking Tamoxifen for years and of course all the ongoing scans). I am annoyed and upset we've had to cancel an overseas trip we'd been planning for the last year to celebrate mine and my partner's 40th birthdays, but hey, it's just postponed!!
Honestly, I had no time to reflect on the actual enormity of all this at this stage. In less than a month all of this had happened and I would soon be starting chemo (12 rounds) and herceptin infusions (every three weeks for a year). This will then be followed by 6 weeks of radiation. If I'm lucky and all goes to plan, my last radiation will be due Christmas Day, but since they don't open then, it will be scheduled for the following work day- my 40th birthday! Happy birthday me, it might not be the OS trip, but I'll get to say I survived this shite and walk away with a bottle of cream! I am anticipating a couple of bottles of Moët may also be consumed!
And in the words of my breast surgeon, 'Don't panic until we tell you to panic' and that's exactly what I plan to do!
