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nicole_h's avatar
nicole_h
Member
11 years ago

RADIATION FINISHED

Hi ladies.

 

Hope you are all coping today.  I finished my last radiation on Friday.  This is the end of 12 months of treatment.  Why don't I want to celebrate.  My family are expecting me to be happy and celebrate.  I just can't lift this time.  Why don't I feel any better or at least happy about it?  Will I ever get over it? How do you start over?  How do you reinject yourself into life?  I dont know where to start.  Any ideas?

Nicole

18 Replies

  • So sorry sharon your doing secondary crap.  How's that going?  Do you have to have more surgery or chemo. How long since first diagnosis?  Hugs to you Nicole

  • What a good idea I just might do that.  Thanks for the suggestion laurenbelle x

  • Hi Almal and thank you for your support. I felt just like you. I sought out counselling through the system which wasn't helping ( found out all to late they assigned me a social worker instead) so I sought out a private psychologist who couldn't end up fitting me in a second time in 8 weeks. So I just went it alone. May still seek out a better psychologist yet but I just need to settle in back home and get some physio on my arm which feels like it did after surgery again.  Swollen, weak and aching. That's helping for now.  One day at a time.  Love to you all and thanks for responding.  Nicole x ♥

  • Hi Mona? , I saw your post about donations. I totally agree.  Leave us alone to chat, vent& just support each other.  If we want to donate or can afford to we'll find our own way.

    As for your post I thank you for your support.  For now I'm mosing through the day trying to do something extra each day and looking for a positive out of every day too. Most days that helps but others something triggers the sadness in me that I can't shake and I get all teary again. Im going to friends for dinner this coming weekend,  I hope I can hold it together. 

  • I remember when I first walked through the radiation centre and feeling a bit confronted by cancer in the name..but feeling a bit sad on the last day. I had a fairly straight forward low key approach : so no contact with bc supports but I did find the pMac crew really lovely and supportive: from the receptionist who would greet me by name and the lovely general nurses etc it was explained to me that you are still radiating two weeks after final treatment so don't expect elation or boundless energy. Soon after diagnosis I started Effexor which is an antidepressant as well as handy for menopause symptoms..so that was good to have on board and then my oncologist suggested waiting a few weeks after last radiation treatment before commencing tamoxafen : let's recover from one treatment before starting a next one and be in the best space possible.  

    just a little medical humour: went to my oncologist this week and he asked how I am.  I said good--for someone who has an oncologist!   

    Another blessing: my cranky post about bcna asking for donations and using their online support as a illustration--went missing!    It gets better, best wishes 

  • Hi Nicole. Congratulations on finishing that stage. I had been counting down my chemo treatments late last year and imagined that I'd feel so elated and positive once it was done. Instead, I became increasingly depressed but kept those feelings to myself so I didn't worry any of my beautiful friends and family. Thankfully I realized I needed to see a counsellor and that made such a difference. Apparently these feelings are very common - likened to post traumatic stress disorder - the trauma of diagnosis, surgery, treatment just catches up with you and it's time to grieve. I learnt it was okay to feel like that and to share those sad feelings with people who love and care for me. I now feel so much better and am accepting my "new normal".  I am just taking time to heal, which includes exercise and socialising.  All the best with your emotional recovery.

  • Congratulations on completing your radiation, Nicole! There is no 'right' way to feel about it, it's your journey and it's been a challenging one. If you don't want to make a big hoo-haa, perhaps you could take a little time for yourself and just do something that makes you feel good - a walk, a massage, reading by the beach?

  • Hi Nicole..  congrats on the end of rads!!..  never a bad thing ever..  But I understand your thoughts.  You have been on a crazy rollercoaster ride for the past 12 months and all of a sudden it is about to stop and all the surrounding noise and commotion will just stop too. Many will look at you and think that day is when the door closes on breast cancer but you and I know it is not that simple ;)

    The time will come that you will be ok with it all.. But try not to put to many demands on yourself to 'get over it' or 'snap out of it' it is just not that simple..  Your family are just excited to see what they recognise as the light at the end of the tunnel...

    As for flicking the switch back on and continue with life post treatment.. There is no secret plan I am afraid..  But I do know that making a little me time each day to enjoy something that makes you happy and relaxed is sooooooo very important and can be as simple as leave the phone at home and go for a walk with the dog (if you have one). Or write for 30 mins or draw..  It may even be cook something. pull some weeds.  The choice is totally yours but I promise whatever you choose and make the time for it will help.  Allow yourself the time to heal and find you again..
    As someone living with Secondary BC I have to continually remind myself about stopping and doing the my time thing..  When I do not, it is so very hard to do all the other things in life

    sending you huge turtle hugs xoxoxoxox
    Sharon (pink66)