Hi ladies. Hope you are all coping today. I finished my last radiation on Friday. This is the end of 12 months of treatment. Why don't I want to celebrate. My family are expecting me to be happy and celebrate. I just can't lift this time. Why don't I feel any better or at least happy about it? Will I ever get over it? How do you start over? How do you reinject yourself into life? I dont know where to start. Any ideas? Nicole

Hi Nicole.. congrats on the end of rads!!.. never a bad thing ever.. But I understand your thoughts. You have been on a crazy rollercoaster ride for the past 12 months and all of a sudden it is about to stop and all the surrounding noise and commotion will just stop too. Many will look at you and think that day is when the door closes on breast cancer but you and I know it is not that simple ;)The time will come that you will be ok with it all.. But try not to put to many demands on yourself to 'get over it' or 'snap out of it' it is just not that simple.. Your family are just excited to see what they recognise as the light at the end of the tunnel... As for flicking the switch back on and continue with life post treatment.. There is no secret plan I am afraid.. But I do know that making a little me time each day to enjoy something that makes you happy and relaxed is sooooooo very important and can be as simple as leave the phone at home and go for a walk with the dog (if you have one). Or write for 30 mins or draw.. It may even be cook something. pull some weeds. The choice is totally yours but I promise whatever you choose and make the time for it will help. Allow yourself the time to heal and find you again..As someone living with Secondary BC I have to continually remind myself about stopping and doing the my time thing.. When I do not, it is so very hard to do all the other things in lifesending you huge turtle hugs xoxoxoxoxSharon (pink66)

Congratulations on completing your radiation, Nicole! There is no 'right' way to feel about it, it's your journey and it's been a challenging one. If you don't want to make a big hoo-haa, perhaps you could take a little time for yourself and just do something that makes you feel good - a walk, a massage, reading by the beach?

Hi Nicole. Congratulations on finishing that stage. I had been counting down my chemo treatments late last year and imagined that I'd feel so elated and positive once it was done. Instead, I became increasingly depressed but kept those feelings to myself so I didn't worry any of my beautiful friends and family. Thankfully I realized I needed to see a counsellor and that made such a difference. Apparently these feelings are very common - likened to post traumatic stress disorder - the trauma of diagnosis, surgery, treatment just catches up with you and it's time to grieve. I learnt it was okay to feel like that and to share those sad feelings with people who love and care for me. I now feel so much better and am accepting my "new normal". I am just taking time to heal, which includes exercise and socialising. All the best with your emotional recovery.

I remember when I first walked through the radiation centre and feeling a bit confronted by cancer in the name..but feeling a bit sad on the last day. I had a fairly straight forward low key approach : so no contact with bc supports but I did find the pMac crew really lovely and supportive: from the receptionist who would greet me by name and the lovely general nurses etc it was explained to me that you are still radiating two weeks after final treatment so don't expect elation or boundless energy. Soon after diagnosis I started Effexor which is an antidepressant as well as handy for menopause symptoms..so that was good to have on board and then my oncologist suggested waiting a few weeks after last radiation treatment before commencing tamoxafen : let's recover from one treatment before starting a next one and be in the best space possible. just a little medical humour: went to my oncologist this week and he asked how I am. I said good--for someone who has an oncologist! Another blessing: my cranky post about bcna asking for donations and using their online support as a illustration--went missing! It gets better, best wishes

Hi Mona? , I saw your post about donations. I totally agree. Leave us alone to chat, vent& just support each other. If we want to donate or can afford to we'll find our own way. As for your post I thank you for your support. For now I'm mosing through the day trying to do something extra each day and looking for a positive out of every day too. Most days that helps but others something triggers the sadness in me that I can't shake and I get all teary again. Im going to friends for dinner this coming weekend, I hope I can hold it together.

RADIATION FINISHED | BCNA Online Network

18 Replies

Anonymous
10 years ago
Hi Nicole, congrats on finishing rads, wow 12 months is a long haul. I'm halfway through 5 weeks of rads, and think that this is enough! What a woman, you should be do proud of yourself. I've been thinking about my next step after treatment, and thought that I might start with getting fit again. I'm a hobby artist, and I'm getting some commission requests, so that's another thing to think about. Thought that I might get my notepad out and write down my muddled thoughts into positives and negatives, so I can look at my life with a bit of perspective. I don't know if that helps you, I hope that it does. Take care, sending you a cuddle, Trace ??????
lisa_j
Member
10 years ago
Hi nicole

great news that you have finished treatment. I finish my radio tomorrow. Sort of excited but not really so I know what you mean. The pain from radio has been the worst of all of my treatments.

Take tine for yourself I say it us our time to be selfish!

lisa j
Anonymous
11 years ago
I reckon the best place to start is to write down what you definitely don't want. Then you can start thinking if I don't want that , I definitely do like.... Give it a try, like a personal brainstorming exercise. By the way, it is awesome that you have finished your treatment. What a woman ??????
Cook65
Member
11 years ago
Hi Nicole

its hardly surprising that you don't feel like celebrating. The effects of radio are kicking in, your probably tired and still don't feel like your old self. For me it meant that I finally had time to process everything that had happened. I was quite teary and struggling on a number of fronts. I'm not sure what area you are in but I can highly recommend an oncology rehab course. They take people at all stages of their treatment, even years later and everyone in our group gained a huge amount from it. Take what ever time you need to get back into things. As we all know there's no right or wrong way in this process. Take care Karen xox
mum2jj
Member
11 years ago
Nicole, not sure where you live. Tha cancer council do have face to face psychologists as well. I preferred the phone councelling but you may prefer the real thing. The only thing is you do need to book them which isn't always great when you just want to talk right away. A chat button, now that's a good idea. I guess once the messages are working which they seem to be you could private message back and forth if you figured out you were online at the same time?

Have a great weekend.

Hugs.

Paula xxx
nicole_h
Member
11 years ago
Hi everyone, thank you for all your responses and tips. Just having my feelings acknowledged helps. I just hate cancer and what it has done to me and my life. I worry nearly every minute of the day of how to get my life back. I have lost all confidence. ie just yesterday I pulled up at the doctors to pick up a script and someone I knew but hadn't seen for months was there. I drove away and asked them to fax the script to the chemist rather than have to face those people.

Maybe now this site is finally back up and running (in a fashion) I'll have some support to get me through the next 12 months. The support from others going through the same thing is the only support I want right now and with so many members there's always someone available on here. That would have been an enhancement ....a chat button... where you could speak directly to members that are online at the same time.....I have thought about the cancer council hotline but I am so emotional that I can't talk on the phone because once I start crying I cant stop.

Thank you all and I hope you're all having a good day. Nicole x
rowdy
Member
11 years ago
Hi Nicole I feel the same 12 months of treatment is a long time. Today I have my last hercepetin, I keep thinking another milestone and try and move on.
mum2jj
Member
11 years ago
Hi Nicole,

I can so relate to how you are feeling as I was just like that when I finished radiation. I came home after 7 weeks away and everyone wanted to throw a party and celebrate and I was falling in a bit of a heap that nobody could understand. Anyway with the help of some phone councelling from a cancer council psychologist I manged to get through. She taught me a lot about living in the now and really appreciating little things and being kind to myself. One of the things I found really helped was after the kids went to school I would pick up a coffee and throw a deck chair in the boot and drive to the beach(a park will do if you don't live near the beach). I would sit under a tree and sip my coffee and read my book. I still do this from time to time if I feel a bit low. It feels like I'm playing hooky from life. An hour of that and I am feeling much better. Be kind to yourself.

Paula x
mgndam1603
Member
11 years ago
Hi Nicole,

congratulations on the completion of your treatment, I hope that you have fared well through the radiation. I do remember the feeling of what next when mine was finished, it was so strange.

My husband and went on holiday just after my treatment was finished, we spend 2 weeks in Cairns, I wanted some sun on my skin. To be honest the holiday helped us both ease back into life.

Don't put any expectations on yourself, it takes some time for life to find a balance again.

Just take it one step at a time and you will get there.

Donna
Mozzie_Bear
Member
11 years ago
Hi Nicole, I'm glad you have come to the end of your radiation. It is a huge milestone, I finished a few weeks ago and have started hormone therapy. When I finished chemo I felt like crying for the first time and I did when I finished radiation - in front of everyone at work because they gave me flowers. I felt like a bit of a goose for such a public display of emotion but everyone was ok with it.

When I think back about the end of those steps I realize the emotion was about leaving and being surrounded by people who were caring for me and understood what I was going through. I was going to miss them - not the treatment. While I was having the treatment I felt that I was doing something positive to beat the cancer and then it stops and I wonder if the job is done. Well I can only hope so and that the hormone therapy takes care of the rest.

I am weary from all the months of non-stop treatment and doctors and it takes time to recover and then we have to deal with the effects the treatments have left like the fatigue which won't go away over night.

I don't mean to sound like such a sad sack and make you more miserable but what I am trying to say is that what you feel is pretty normal. We need time to heal.

Enjoy your dinner with your friends. They have stuck by you through the last year so if you tear up a bit don't worry about it.

My only tip is to get out of the house and get some exercise every day. Exercise really is good mental health so just take a walk even if it is only around the block.

I'll be thinking of you. Take care of yourself. Maureen