Forum Discussion
Post Chemo Life
This is my first week clear of the three week chemo cycle. I am officially finished. Next up for me is a bi-lateral mastectomy and reconstruction in three weeks
Everyday this week I have felt my anxiety increasing. I can't identify any specific reason. It's really interfering in my day to day life, sucking out the enjoyment of activities that have previously been pleasurable. It's colouring every waking minute.
I don't sleep well at all. It's over four months since I had a decent night's sleep. I'm almost looking forward to the 8 - 10 hours on the operating table because I'll be 'asleep' for more than 3 - 4 hours straight. My eyes have been twitching for weeks and weeks.
I've just noticed tonight that three more fingernails have started to discolour. My nails and fingertips are so sore, doing basic household chores hurt. I have to wear gloves to do a lot of them. Folding laundry is like rubbing my hands on sandpaper. Some of my fingertips are starting to feel a bit numb. Several of my toes are turning dark brown and are sore as well.
The chemo induced menopause is awful. My skin is terribly dry. Over the last few days my knees have started to ache when I move them after I've been still for a while. Is that menopause? Could the anxiety be menopause related? The f*****g hot flushes are making me miserable. Mostly I have them for 12 hours a day, from about 8pm to 8am, but today, all day as well. It's bloody distressing. And I hate the freezing chills that often follow. I am never a comfortable temperature anymore. I used to love going to bed. Now I enter my bedroom and look at my bed like it's a battlefield.
And now that chemo is over, I've had to return to 'normal duties' and find my brain is comprehensively unable to process the multi-tentacled beast that is my seven person two dog household. I am making mistakes.
This is basically a big whinge, sorry. I suppose I just have to pull up my big girl undies to the armpits and get on with it. I've treated my BC to give me the best chance of a long life, and these side effects are the price I have to pay. My oncologist is sympathetic but disinterested. Do I work with my GP to try to manage these issues? I am seeing a counsellor for the emotion stuff, I hope that starts helping soon.
I'm interested to hear how other's immediate post chemo weeks were. Reassurance I suppose!
Everyday this week I have felt my anxiety increasing. I can't identify any specific reason. It's really interfering in my day to day life, sucking out the enjoyment of activities that have previously been pleasurable. It's colouring every waking minute.
I don't sleep well at all. It's over four months since I had a decent night's sleep. I'm almost looking forward to the 8 - 10 hours on the operating table because I'll be 'asleep' for more than 3 - 4 hours straight. My eyes have been twitching for weeks and weeks.
I've just noticed tonight that three more fingernails have started to discolour. My nails and fingertips are so sore, doing basic household chores hurt. I have to wear gloves to do a lot of them. Folding laundry is like rubbing my hands on sandpaper. Some of my fingertips are starting to feel a bit numb. Several of my toes are turning dark brown and are sore as well.
The chemo induced menopause is awful. My skin is terribly dry. Over the last few days my knees have started to ache when I move them after I've been still for a while. Is that menopause? Could the anxiety be menopause related? The f*****g hot flushes are making me miserable. Mostly I have them for 12 hours a day, from about 8pm to 8am, but today, all day as well. It's bloody distressing. And I hate the freezing chills that often follow. I am never a comfortable temperature anymore. I used to love going to bed. Now I enter my bedroom and look at my bed like it's a battlefield.
And now that chemo is over, I've had to return to 'normal duties' and find my brain is comprehensively unable to process the multi-tentacled beast that is my seven person two dog household. I am making mistakes.
This is basically a big whinge, sorry. I suppose I just have to pull up my big girl undies to the armpits and get on with it. I've treated my BC to give me the best chance of a long life, and these side effects are the price I have to pay. My oncologist is sympathetic but disinterested. Do I work with my GP to try to manage these issues? I am seeing a counsellor for the emotion stuff, I hope that starts helping soon.
I'm interested to hear how other's immediate post chemo weeks were. Reassurance I suppose!
33 Replies
- Too much said to respond to but what's highlighted here is that many of us don't feel that we're being treated as intelligent human beings who would like a liveable life as well as a treatment for cancer. I understand that not everyone gets side effects but no-one should be dismissed if she/he is asking for help with them.
- Thanks @Afraser. Like I said somewhere above, I wouldn't have done anything differently but I would have liked to know. I also think it's a respect thing. I like to be treated like an intelligent individual. Give me the information and don't 'handle' me! It's mostly thanks to this forum that I now 'know', still not from any medical professional. I know for many blissful ignorance is preferable but to me, there's something a bit out of whack here.
- So much about treatment is uncertain in terms of side effects. Whatever you may expect may or may not happen. Chances are something that seemed remote or improbable may happen. Bottom line is would you have refused treatment if you had known? Because few oncologists can predict what you personally will experience. Not everyone gets peripheral neuropathy and most recover from the effects but not all (me included). But I had no nausea, aches, fatigue or chemo brain. Lymphoedema is a bit of a nuisance but doesn't change who you are. Vaginal atrophy is not fun, but it's not the end of the world or my life! Five years on, and I am a died in the wool want to knower, would my life have been improved by anticipating everything in greater detail? I knew about the atrophy, I knew about the bone density problem, but I took the risk. The endless list of things that go wrong while you are on chemo does tend to end in a few months after treatment finishes. With five years of hindsight, I have no doubt which side of the ledger I am on. Hope you all feel a lot better very soon.
- @kmakm I personally love yoga and think it is fantastic for my mental state - recommend it.
- @LMK74 Bloody awful to feel so old so young, I'm so sorry. I'm hoping against hope to be one of the lucky ones when I start on the AI. And yes, this forum is a boon for making us not feel so alone. K xox
- @kezmusc I've never been a vitamin person either. I'm going to experiment now, despite what my oncologist says.
I had a chat with my psychologist about the onc situation today. She says it's not the first time she's heard this about this oncologist. She suggested I talk to her about it, and I will. I'm not backward in coming forward and really want the parameters of the relationship better defined so I can stop worrying about it.
I am dreading the AI and trying to relish the last few weeks without it.
Yes! I have certainly taken my oestrogen for granted. You don't know what you've got till it's gone eh? When I started missing the occasional period I spent about a year mentally preparing for my transition into menopause. I was hoping to slide into it gracefully. Instead I'm bald, squealing and raging. Sigh. Best laid plans and all that...
Thank you for your kind words, I appreciate them.
Keep up the good fight, I hope you can get back to your normal. Your weekend sounds fab. Enjoy! Kate xox - @"Kiwi Angel" Thanks Steph. Yes, I actually just saw my counsellor. We had a good chat. She says my sudden rise in anxiety is standard. Apparently the medication I'm on gives you a bump but after four weeks it dissipates if the dose isn't correct. They start you low of course, so I'm to see my GP and discuss it with her. I'll also be asking about menopause management...
I'm having regular oncology massages, which are fantastic, and will be starting an oncology exercise physiology programme in June. Once I get though the op & start on Anastrozole I'll assess what else I need to throw into the mix. Maybe some yoga. I'm drawn to Tai Chi, I think I'd like to try that. I do need to step up my meditation practise, I've been a bit slack about that lately.
Thanks for the hugs. Kate xox - Oh @AllyJay, what a dreadful story! I'm so glad you had a sympathetic bank teller.
I take my family care responsibility seriously and pride myself on cooking good, nutritious food for them everyday. It is absurdly complicated though. My sister's kids are vegetarian and my father-in-law has Type 2 diabetes. Some nights I'm preparing three different meals. Clearly it will be some time before normal service is resumed... As you say, they'll live.
I think I'll try your cotton nightie idea. Thank you for that.
I'm trying to switch the vacuum nozzle of my brain to high so I can suck it up. I'm glad to hear that you think it will pass :* - I just this minute read this in today's Age. Exactly what i was talking about @Zoffiel! Shits me beyond belief.
https://www.theage.com.au/lifestyle/health-and-wellness/why-is-it-so-hard-to-believe-a-woman-in-pain-20180405-p4z7zb.html - Thanks @Zoffiel. I somehow doubt that that there'd be a nationwide outcry. Women's health is still not taken as seriously as men's. Studies have found that our pain is more often than not fobbed off as being emotional, and if we do get medication, it's not as strong as men's. And, Viagra - need I say more?!
Not one doctor spoke to me about the possibilty of permanent ongoing issues before I started chemotherapy. It wouldn't have changed my mind but my personality is one that likes to know.
I suppose I can only hope for the best and strive to be patient. Like almost everything else with BC, it's hard.
