Pity Party Woe is Me

Thank you both so much.  It's so nice to chat to people who get it.  I am feeling better after my bubble tea.  I missed the pavlova but am now sucking on a frosty fruit. Krispy Kreme donuts do sound good though.

You are right Michelle R.  It does feel like it is happening to someone else.  I think I am slowly realising it's me I'm talking about.  I told a friend the other day about my latest results and I was simply bowled over by her wonderful compassion for me and my family it made me bawl my eyes out. I also think it broke through the wall 🧱. Your cancer is also remarkably similar to mine.  I haven't seen an oncologist yet just breast surgeon.  See one after.  Do you know if the chem had much effect.  I have heard that sometimes ILC doesn't respond to chemo very well.  I am similar age to you as well.  I have had dreams that I was bald.

FLClover I think the  C word is less confronting. I think trying to have some distance between us and the disease some days is definitely helpful.  I think my family keeps me going and throwing a pity party has already allowed me to pick myself up again. Life is to be enjoyed as you said

I think we can all do with a pity party at one stage or another, tbh. To this day, I have a problem saying and writing in full the ‘c’ word. I’ve accepted it, but I hate that word. I have my own understanding and explanation of it, and don’t want association with that horrible and scary disease. It does take time for it to sink in. That doesn’t mean we need to wait on the sidelines and put our life on hold. Life is to be enjoyed. 

Hi there,

I like maltesers myself! 

I read your other post about your pathology etc. I had ilc too, main tumour 5.5 cm extending out to 9cm. I was quite "lucky" as i found a lump but not till it was big. 

I had a mastectomy (skin sparing), chemo and radiation. Ive just had a scar revision to go flat. I still have my left breast and oddly i had a lump in that from 19 (im 49) and had been having mammograms on that side but not the cancer side. Im busy trying to hold onto all my other lady bits. I know there is risk but ill be checked regularly and you know they are mine. If there is any sign of anything amiss i will not waste any time and just have it removed. 

Im on aromasin. 

Its perfectly normal to feel shocked and maybe like its happening to someone else for a bit. You kind of run on adrenalin for a while. I also experienced grief.

The radiotherapy is to stop a local recurrence, like in your chest wall. I had 25 zaps. I have a nice tan now. 

I had chemotherapy due to my relatively young age as they are hoping it can help me be an old lady. 

I had my last chemo in january and my radiotherapy finished in march. Physically im not too bad. Ive become an exerciser. My hair is growing back.  Emotionally has been hard at times but i feel some "normality" is resuming. Life has changed, perspective. 

I hope this helps you because life goes on, differently perhaps. 

Not sure what to say about the party. Just do whatever you need. 

Michele