Overwhelmed and feeling down

Now the decision is reluctantly made regarding need for a mastectomy, have you considered reconstruction?
It is often good to plan this as part of initial surgery.

This link gives brief overviews

https://www.bcna.org.au/understanding-breast-cancer/treatment/breast-reconstruction/

More detail here

https://www.reclaimyourcurves.org.au/

And we also have a breast reconstruction group you can join.

https://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/group/1-choosing-breast-reconstruction

Real women, real shared stories and also real pics.

We all get the heartache. I was devastated also. But once i settled on the plan I just wanted the cancer gone. I will always miss my breasts but I've never regretted my decision.

@Karenp23 Welcome aboard & hang on for the ride of your life!! We are all here for you & there are many here who have endured what you have so come to us for any advice. Good that your recent doctors visit has helped answer a few questions & keep writing those questions down for future visits.
I found so much help with a McGrath nurse. I live in a small country town so i jumped on the website, clicked "Find a Nurse" & found one closest to me which was still over an hour away. I emailed her & sent her my path results so she knew what i was dealing with. I have only met her once but we ring/email each other & i ask her all the silly questions. They are trained to counsel you & any family members too as well as advise on treatment/surgery options. i would have been lost without her knowledge & support.
Keep ticking off the boxes & try not to think too far ahead as the goal posts change all the time so you may find yourself worrying over something that may not happen. Be kind to yourself & stay strong & positive as hard as it is some days. love & hugs xx

Thank you everyone , I have had an emotional few days but having spoken to another doctor he has really helped me put things in to perspective. I am slowly coming to terms with having the total mastectomy and have to just be patient with the whole process of this journey, its such a life changing event and that I have learnt that I just will have to take things one day at a time.  So blessed to have such a big support network on here its been great to read other peoples journeys and the inspiration that it will give me to move forward.

Hi @Karenp23, so sorry you’ve got breast cancer.It’s not fair and it has nothing to do with what we did or didn’t do- shit just happens! It doesn’t feel real at first,like you are in a bad dream.It’s very distressing as you embark on the fight of your life.I’ve had to face the crappy bc ride twice. First time was in 2003.I was 47 and I had a lumpectomy,full node clearance and radiation.Seven years later it came back in the same spot so I had to have a mastectomy followed by chemo.Because of radiation I am restricted with reconstruction choices. However,I’ve chosen to stay lopsided as I’m paranoid about another recurrence.Losing a breast is hard and you do grieve.The operation itself is easy enough to get over.I felt more confident once I got fitted with a prosthesis 6weeks post op.It’s now 9 yrs since my last surgery and I’m fine.
Keep coming back here for support and ask any questions.Sometimes a local support group can be helpful. BCNA has a directory.I run one in the Hills area of Sydney.

Welcome to this site.  The early days are often filled with numbness, despair and disbelief.  Believe me - once you start treatment you will also start to get a handle on things.  A mastectomy, whether you go on to reconstruction or not, is not the end of the world although it may be hard to believe at the moment.  For me, this network was a sanity saver so come back for info, support, to vent or sometimes, to laugh.

Karen, don't you lose hope. It's not nice. Its not your fault. You're in shock. This will change, this will pass and you will survive. Theres not much I can add that hasn't been brought up already. Just know that you are not alone.

Sorry to break it to you Karen, but you are normal! Everything you're feeling is a natural reaction to what's happening to you. Pretty much everyone here knows exactly how you're feeling. Collectively we're all reaching out and giving you a big hug.

Let those tears flow. Cry until you can cry no more. No good will come of holding them in.

One in seven women in Australia will have breast cancer. You will definitely know someone in the future who has this diagnosis.

I'm so sorry that you feel so alone. Getting a cancer diagnosis is a terribly isolating experience. That's where this forum comes in handy. Everyone gets it, there's always someone around, so let it rip. Vent, howl, get furious. You will also have lots of questions and this is the greatest hive mind around.

If you want human contact, call the BCNA helpline that @arpie mentioned above, and you can also talk to someone at the Cancer Council on 13 11 20. Speaking from experience, they're both wonderful.

In my early days I saw a counsellor at a local hospital which didn't cost anything. It was good to howl it out and get some advice on how to manage the storm of emotions. You could ask your GP about options in your area.

The sense of it being all a bad dream fades over time, but for me it still pops up from time to time. Hang in there lovely. Biggest of hugs, K xox

Hi @Karenp23 - I am SO sorry to see you here - but you are in the right place for support, advice and consolation from those who've gone before you - as we 'get it'.  We know what you are going thru. You are still in deep shock from your diagnosis & everything seems like a mountain just now.  Once you've had your surgery & get your pathology results, your medical team will be able to give you an idea of your treatment path and you'll start to feel much better.  In the mean time, try & keep really active & busy doing the things you love & normally do.  The initial 'waiting' for everything really is the PITS!  

This link may help you understand your current emotional stress
https://www.bcna.org.au/health-wellbeing/emotional-wellbeing/depression-anxiety-stress/

And believe it or not - often the recovery from surgery is WAY easier than we 'think' - even a mastectomy.   

As @Afraser says - there's nothing you've done to deserve this (as have none of us.)  It is just a very unlucky 'lucky dip' - and once diagnosed, we are on a mad emotional roller coaster ride until our active treatment is over (surgery/chemo/radiation) but try not to overthink it.  You may not even HAVE to have chemo or radiation!    Friends of mine in the UK & Zimbabwe - had their mastectomy 10 & 15 years ago & no chemo/rads & are still enjoying an active life today!  One had reconstruction, one didn't.

Where abouts are you? (Town/city) Our members may be aware of various services that are available to you.  What age are you?  Do you have young kids?  We have a Young Woman's group that you may like to join?

You should also be assigned a Breast Care Nurse who could become your best buddy thru all this (often tied in to your surgeon - check out the McGrath Foundation   https://www.mcgrathfoundation.com.au/get-support/find-a-nurse/)  Put any question or concern that you have to them. 

If you are feeling really sad and finding it difficult to function well - please ask to see a psychologist (or ring our helpline here 1800 500 258.

Take care, xxx

Dear Karenp23
First thing, you haven’t done anything to deserve this. Cancer has very little to do with deserving or otherwise. No-one actively seeks it and as my surgeon says, the reasons for breast cancer are still a bit of a mystery. But it has happened and as you say, while much better not to have happened at all, your signs are good. Losing any part of your body is no fun, but I had rather lose a breast than an arm or a leg. Mastectomy is not the end of the story, it can be the start of a new story if you can look at it that way. Think about the options, including reconstruction, and you may find it helps to channel your energies towards recovery rather than escape (given the latter, sadly, doesn’t really work). Cry all you want, it’s good to release your fear and disbelief. Once you start treatment, things tend to get a little more organised and clearer. Best wishes.