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ScorpionQueen's avatar
ScorpionQueen
Member
10 years ago

Overthinking....as usual!

Day 14 - after round five.

Dreams, dreams, dreams.....always have a number of dreams through the night when I have a lot on my mind. Some make sense others are so cryptic I can never figure them out!

Yesterday's exhaustion led to a great nights sleep, even after my 4 hour nap! I still can't believe how tired I get...it consumes you...you can't even be bothered to talk, thinking is way too hard! You have no choice but to give in and sleep...

Still got that burning sensation in my toes and heels, I have to be careful how I step or I see stars! My mouth is getting better, at least I don't have a numb tongue any more. The coating is still there but not as expansive.....I still can't really taste anything, but occasionally something comes through that I CAN taste, but it's a tease, like a spice or something....and I can taste salt....I have actually been adding salt on top of my meals as I am craving it.....just another bizarre thing from the chemo book of WTF?

As hard as I try I'm trying not to think about the next part, it lurches forward and fills my mind..... I sometimes almost wish that I had woken from surgery and my boob was already gone, would make the choices easier? I will never know, so I have to deal with what's to come......I need to calm my mind and stop the chatter....

Today's energy stores are a bit better, but I'm not going to over do it...I've learnt now....I think...:/ I'll try to build it up for next week......LAST CHEMO NEXT TUESDAY!!!!!

Might do some drawing today....or not. See how the day pans out.

Happy Tuesday!

7 Replies

  • Nadi's avatar
    Nadi
    Member
    10 years ago

    Oh my gosh, I can't believe that you have your last chemo next week!!!! YAY!!! It seems to have gone so quickly. I know the next steps might be hard but you will get through them.

    Take care, Nadine

  • jd48's avatar
    jd48
    Member
    10 years ago

    Oooops - Sorry Tracy - my cloudy brain just realised the WTF book was what tou stated...

    Darn this chemo cloud and how my brain is still.trying to get out of the 1st gear ??

    Jel

  • jd48's avatar
    jd48
    Member
    10 years ago

    Mishie.... you just stated what I have been thinking for the past week - about that WTF book...

    I swear there is nothing real out there written or compiled by real humans going through this shit that one can find to help them prepare for this shit or muchless navigate these waters...

    If there was not for this forum I would have been royaly s****ed..

    Jel.

  • jd48's avatar
    jd48
    Member
    10 years ago

    Just 1 more to go - YAY FOR YOU???????? And hooray for the tastebuds making a comeback - that is fantastic... who cares if only getting a tiny bit back - they are returning finally - kind of a sign of 'normality' that will return soon enough after that last session.

    I am so happy for you that in a week's time you have that last one and once intial sideffects calm down at least you know they are there for the last time and it does get better from there and body starts to heal ??????

    And by the way, you are not overthinking it... Makes all the bloody sense in the world to exercuise one part of the body that apart from the initial few post chemo days is in fact funcioning.

    I know I said it before and I really mean it - you are one amazing, strong and infinitely kind lady who is always there for everyone else and supporting everyone so youmg lady, this week concentrate on yourself - both physically and emotionally, recharge tbose batteries for that last session and then onwards and upwards ??????

    Hugs

    Jel.

  • primek's avatar
    primek
    Member
    10 years ago

    Hence my diet of CCs and toasted cheese and hot chutney sandwiches during each cycle for at keast 7 days. The end is near fir chemo...you can do this. Kath x

  • iserbrown's avatar
    iserbrown
    Member
    10 years ago

    Hi! pat yourself down to bring yourself into the now!  All the worry won't make it any better!  One skill that you will pick up as you become more comfortable with your agreed treatment regime is to compartmentalize as worrying doesn't fix it!

    Yes I know, easier said than done!

    Happy thoughts and if you can't sleep and you don't want to count sheep start thinking about little goals that you want to aim for when you are on the better side of treatment.

    I haven't seen your drawing of the boots for awhile!

    Take care, wishing you all the best

    Christine xx

  • Anonymous's avatar
    Anonymous
    Not applicable
    10 years ago

    That's awesome. "The Chemo Book of WTF". Someone needs to write this!

    Congrats on the last chemo upcoming, you must feel like Christmas is heading your way for that reason and well, surgery...I think the worst part of some of this stuff is the agonising wait. It's like that moment while you're waiting for the needle to go in, all sweaty palms and jitters, but lasts a lot longer. I hope the time passes quickly so you'll be past all of this stuff soon.

    I had such big plans for drawing while off work and I've not put pencil to paper (or digital pen to tablet) since chemo. Feels like inertia has set in and I just spin my mental wheels...getting the dishes washed seems like a huge accomplishment most days :)

    Happy Tuesday!