My chemo brain

We will have to write it down Mel hee hee

Mich xoxoxo

Hi ladies I too blame stress for my BC diagnosis after a very unexpected marriage break up just under two years before my diagnosis. I worked full time as a preschool teacher with 30 3 to 5 year olds and also worked many weekends at a local football stadium for over 10 years. I was desperate to return to my job after having no choice but to stop work due to the infection risk whilst having treatment as I love it but things have certainly changed. Just on a year since treatment finished and chemo brain is very real for me. Often in the middle of the day after being at work since 6am I look at a child to talk to them and can't remember their name for a moment or mid sentence doing a group I can't remember where the hell I was going with my talk. Lucky for me the kids are young and if they notice they just giggle and say you're silly Melinda My own children are very accepting though we do have a laugh together at times. I can no longer cook the nights meal if it consists of many parts or we end up sitting down to eat and I forget the potato bake in the oven or veges in the microwave etc Cleaning the house is a nightmare as I find how to get started overwhelming. I remember one day my daughter came home and I had been trying to do housework and had no clue about the order etc I needed to do things in and I broke down in tears. I got a cleaner in soon after but I felt guilty and really can't afford it. Mich I bet you can't wait for me to visit you soon. We probably won't remember what if is we planned to do lol

Just trying to remember all your names by the time I scrolled down to start this comment was hard. Had to scroll up and down a few times before I got all your names down and there's only four of you! I find I lose the thread of conversation half way through and I just lose words. They may be the simplest words like 'what' but I can't remember them. I too prided myself on being able to multi-taste extremely well and efficiently in my job as PA to the Head of School at Latrobe Uni. I had to know everything that was going on in the school and could put my finger on any info that the academics wanted really quickly. I worked long hours sometimes continuing my job well into the night via emails at home. My supervisor and I would be 'talking' to each other at past midnight sometimes. I decided to have the year off and I'm so glad I did because just typing in these posts takes a lot of concentration and thank goodness for auto-spell checks. I can't remember how to spell 'the' sometimes. Somehow I can see a bit of a pattern here. We all have busy working life's let alone running our households and I had a lot of stress in my life with a restructure at work and having to apply for my job again last year not knowing whether I'd be successful or not. (There were three ladies vying for two positions with three schools being merged into two and fortunately I regained my position). The university has been in some turmoil in all the six years I've been there with admin reductions and I had come from an extremely stressful admin position in real estate before that also working very long hours. I am convinced that stress played a big part in my getting BC. I have no close family history and don't have the BRCA gene mutation. I can only think that I haven't been kind to myself in past years and worked far too had in very stressful jobs. Apart from taking this year off, I will be seriously reassessing the way I approach my work. I will not be putting in the 120% I have in the past, always putting in extra. I will no longer work after hours (I never got paid anyway) and will do what I can when I am at work. I will have to train myself to not stress about things that aren't important. This post has taken about two hours to type. I know you all can relate to that. Happy minds ladies Love Janey xxx

Just trying to remember all your names by the time I scrolled down to start this comment was hard. Had to scroll up and down a few times before I got all your names down and there's only four of you! I find I lose the thread of conversation half way through and I just lose words. They may be the simplest words like 'what' but I can't remember them. I too prided myself on being able to multi-taste extremely well and efficiently in my job as PA to the Head of School at Latrobe Uni. I had to know everything that was going on in the school and could put my finger on any info that the academics wanted really quickly. I worked long hours sometimes continuing my job well into the night via emails at home. My supervisor and I would be 'talking' to each other at past midnight sometimes. I decided to have the year off and I'm so glad I did because just typing in these posts takes a lot of concentration and thank goodness for auto-spell checks. I can't remember how to spell 'the' sometimes. Somehow I can see a bit of a pattern here. We all have busy working life's let alone running our households and I had a lot of stress in my life with a restructure at work and having to apply for my job again last year not knowing whether I'd be successful or not. (There were three ladies vying for two positions with three schools being merged into two and fortunately I regained my position). The university has been in some turmoil in all the six years I've been there with admin reductions and I had come from an extremely stressful admin position in real estate before that also working very long hours. I am convinced that stress played a big part in my getting BC. I have no close family history and don't have the BRCA gene mutation. I can only think that I haven't been kind to myself in past years and worked far too had in very stressful jobs. Apart from taking this year off, I will be seriously reassessing the way I approach my work. I will not be putting in the 120% I have in the past, always putting in extra. I will no longer work after hours (I never got paid anyway) and will do what I can when I am at work. I will have to train myself to not stress about things that aren't important. This post has taken about two hours to type. I know you all can relate to that. Happy minds ladies Love Janey xxx

Hey girls

Just reading your posts ring so true to home for me.

I held down three jobs, did all the lawns and gardens and kept the house spotless. Now I don't think I would cope well with one job, definitely don't have the strength and energy to even push the lawnmower out of the shed some days.

Patience is something my lovely family have had to learn when it comes to me having a conversation and I am half way in to a sentence and I forget the next word. The word does at least come to me now but it takes time which means a lot of patience on my families and friends part.

I have also had to learn this patience because it is the most frustrating thing to have to live with.  I think the two main things that have been the hardest for me with my BC journey has been to cope with the horrendous fatigue and pain but also this chemo brain.

How long ago is it since you girls have finished chemo but also radiotherapy.  Which A.I. are you taking?  I do remember Janet is taking Tamoxifin......:-)

I finished chemo July 2012.  I finished rads Sept 2012.  I have been on Femara since November 2012.

Lots of love and good thoughts for our chemo brains, Mich xoxooxxo

Yes I can relate to that. Without wanting to sound arrogant I used to feel that I was pretty sharp, pretty on the ball. I could keep dozens of things in my head and juggle them, not so much easily, but competently. I worked full-time (for limited periods) and casually as a teacher while raising my own three children and also helping out my husband with the admin for his business. It was hard, but I like to think managed it quite well. 

Now, after chemo and radiation (and perhaps tamoxifen has an effect on my brain too) I don't think I could do it. I haven't gone back to teaching at all mainly becasue I don't want to put myself under that stress of trying to juggle everything again (maybe it played a role in my BC) and we are managing financially but also because I just don't think I could handle it mentally. I don't think my brain could cope with the demands of 25 students, running a household, helping out my husband with his paperwork and all the demands of my own three boys. 

Just juggling the houshold, the kids and the small number of tasks I do for my husbands business leaves me frazzled these days. It's hard to explain exactly what the difference is. I think it's to do with being able to co-ordinate a lot of tasks, or multi-task or something. When there is too much to process, I start to get overwhelmed. I can't think straight. And yes I find I forget things too. 

Annoyingly I guess it's another "change" we have to put up with as a result of breast cancer. I take gingko biloba everyday which is supposed to help memory. Not sure if it makes a difference. And I keep exercising and trying to eat healthily hoping that will help too. And I also make lists (always have been a list-maker though). Don't really know what else to do about it. Hope things improve for both of us. Good luck, Janet.