I think I am reading too much :(

so much great and encouraging positivity here ty all so much

Hi @looeeze,

Just wanted to say that the grief part i experienced too. I felt initially gratitude that id been diagnosed and deep sadness at the loss of my life as i knew it, then i got angry. Eventually i slipped into a sort of acceptance and the i decided to do the best i could for myself. I started exercise medicine in the middle if chemo. I cant say i was ever a gym person before this but i do a gym workout several times a week and it helped so much. Dont give in to thinking you cant continue. 

Im starting radiotherapy tomorrow and started back at work this week. I have ais to come but will deal with it as best possible and keep doing what will help me. No point worrying about stuff that hasnt happened yet. Im mildly concerned too but im in the mindset of squeezing as much of the life i want in. 

Hope you can push forward and continue your lovely active life with relish. 

Michele

@looeeze now is the time to learn more about you, as the others have said. There is a fine line between sugar coating some very challenging experiences and disclosing horror stories you won't hear in places except for forums like this.  It's all part of the wide, wild ride that we find ourselves on. 
Good luck with the rest of your treatment. You'll never know if you don't give it a go. Mxx

It can be a bit like a newly pregnant (for the first time mum) reading all about the other women who ended up with custard pie acne, varicose veins which looked like anacondas having sex up their legs, haemorrhoids like huge bunches of purple grapes hanging from their bottoms,and backache which left them bed bound for eight months. They then go on to have 38 hour labours where 13lb babies are finally delivered using weed whackers, salad tongs, and sometimes a knife and fork. They never hear about the ordinary rest. Same here. The difference between one person's experience, versus another's can be huge. Or even the same person, at different times. Some of us have other medical baggage to shhlep around with us also, as well as other baggage from out past or even present...aside from the cancer. There have been times over the past few years when I read about someones dreadful experience around a particular treatment or drug, which didn't affect me as badly. I feel if I respond with my "easy time" of it, it may come across as a negating of the other person't dreadful time, and almost boasting..."Nyehh nyeh... I had it easy...so there". On the other hand my surgery resulted in a revisit to the operating theatre, nine units of blood, four of plasma, eleven days in ICU, followed by three weeks on the surgical ward. I don't share that particular Addams Family saga with newbies and scare the living crap out of them, as this was my story...not theirs. (I have other medical issues which contributed to this shitfest).

@looeeze
Pleased to read your latest post that everyone here is helping you come to grips of where you are at. 
An important point to remember is that a lot of posts are people struggling, looking for help. 
Those that sail through, and there's a lot of them, and you never know it could be you, don't always post to say it's good, no worries!
There's a lot that goes into it, physically and emotionally, post or peri-menopause and so it goes.................
Take care and give it your best shot.  The body does adjust and the side effects become manageable, that is if you are suffering from them.   
This is your story
Take care

BTW Have you read the BCNA Hormone Booklet

Hormone therapy | Breast Cancer Network Australia (bcna.org.au)

Dear Looeze,
I totally agree with FLClover.
Don't worry about what might happen, wait and see.
Not everyone has a horror story.

I honestly can't thank you all enough for responding to my post. Your messages have made such a difference to my mindset today and have helped reframe my thinking. My logical brain tells me that I need to take each day and each step as it comes, but of course sometimes the emotional and crazy brain takes over and my thoughts run away from me. Knowing that we have all been at this stage at some point in our journeys and then hearing that you have come out the other side and are enjoying life once more gives me some peace of mind. 
Thank you for being there for me when I needed some support xxx

Hi @looeeze, I can totally relate to how you are feeling and as you can see, many of us have felt the same. My advice is to be very careful with what you are reading. When I was first diagnosed I became obsessed with finding out everything I could which lead me down the many rabbit holes of the internet - most of which did nothing for my mental health. As has already been said, often when people post, they/we are looking for advice and this forum is a wealth of really good information. 

I enlisted a psychologist who was excellent and she reminded me that I was reading about other people’s stories and they were not my story. Try not to get ahead of yourself - easy for me to say, but I was in your shoes at this very time last year.

Here is me in a nutshell -  (53 at diagnosis and having a great life) ILC in left breast, ER+ Node negative; had neo adjuvant chemo (4 x AC, 12 x taxol) double mastectomy with expanders in June, switched to implants in December and now take an AI. I was a full time teacher and returned part way through Term 3 on a graduated return and finished Term 4 working 4 days. I decided that I would work 4 days a week in 2021 and I am loving it. At first I felt kind of ‘ripped off’ that I wasn’t full time as I love my job, but I reframed my thinking and make sure I do something really lovely on my day off - coffee/swim etc. Today I went out on the jet ski and sat on a tidal sand bank watching pelicans and swimming. Could I see this for me last year? Definitely not, but as time passed I settled down.

This time will pass for you and this is your own story. Your experience is going to be unique to you. Sure, you may experience some side effects and that’s where some of us here will be able to you. Take one day at a time. This is definitely a challenge, but it is very doable. You will get back to exercise, in fact, it is really good for you to keep doing what you can during your treatment. Wishing you all the best, this time will pass. M x

Yes definitely have a break from reading.
The busy brain is definitely one of the biggest challenges.All the best x 

This BC journey is a crazy ride, sometimes I think its harder emotionally than it is physically but what you have to remember is that it is very individual to everyone.. for every negative comment you've read about hormone therapy..is someone out there who has a positive one. I started Tamoxifen 3 months ago and by crikey the side effects for the first 8 weeks really sat me on my arse, I didn't know if I was up or down, I'd read horror stories (which were all true for those first 8 or so weeks), and I also read good advice... i'm at the end of my 3rd month and happy to say the side effects have eased considerably... they haven't completely gone, but they are so very manageable...I am finally starting to recover the life I had pre BC, all the time knowing i'm doing all I can to prevent it coming back. I feel very blessed that the side effects have eased, as I know thats definitely not the case for some...I also know its hard to not focus on expecting  side effects, but you may find their more manageable than you thought. 🤞. 💐