Hello there

Hi Sara, this is my very first post and I'm not sure if it will end up in the right place! LOL

The hardest thing to deal with is the loneliness. You have to stay positive because the ones you love are so desperately scared and you feel you have to be brave on the outside so that they can cope! I know that sounds silly but that's how it was and still is for me.

I was diagnosed in September 2005 and had a mastectomy in October and started Chemo in November. I went through those first two months as if in a dream.

My beloved daughter-in-law who was a travel agent came to visit me after my first chemo and gave me a beautiful bunch of tea roses. She was on her way to the airport accompanying a group of tourists and she looked very smart in her uniform. She gave me a hug and said she would be thinking of me on the day of my second chemo treatment although she had no idea where she would be ... we laughed and hugged and as I waved goodbye I had no idea that I would never see her again. She died of a heart attack in Marrakesh, Morocco leaving a heartbroken husband and three children aged 11, 14 and 16.

Dealing with Cancer and Chemo, Radiotherapy and subsequent Herceptin and trying to help my grieving family nearly broke me. I couldn't die because too many people were relying on me so I suppressed my own feelings and struggled on.

I was blessed to have had the support of a wonderful husband, daughter, sister and mother without them I would have drowned in misery.

I'm still struggling and dealing with the side effects of Arimidex but my own problems pale into insignificance compared to those of my beloved grandchildren.

I have been reluctant to join any support group as my depression seems less to do with Cancer than with other problems. However, Sara, your post touched me and I identify with your feelings of sadness and being scared.

This is a wonderful network and hopefully we can all feel less alone and helpless just by posting to each other.

I hope this helps.

Rennay