First times for everything
Hi fellow ladies
So this is my first post, I'll try to keep it brief because no one likes a whinger.
Like most women (and men) on this site, I recently faced my own breast cancer diagnosis. I'm 29 with no family history of breast cancer or any cancer for that matter. We were a cancer-free family. I found a lump on the top side of my left breast, it was solid, hard, with defined edges. I ignored it for six weeks, until one day my fiancee (now husband) snapped at me and demanded I check it out. So I did.
I remember feeling so silly sitting at Women's Imaging with my GP referral clutched in my left hand whilst I filled out my patient information form. Family history? No. Age? 29.
I sat in that waiting room for over an hour and was about to give up & head back to work. Afterall, I had already decided the nurse was going to give me a patronising pat on the shoulder, tell me it's just a cyst & I'll be marched back to work. Simple.
It didn't quite go as planned. On remembrance day 2014 my life and my partners life changed as we knew it.
I was eventually called into the consultation room, the nurse ran the ultra sound across my left breast. I remember making jokes about the warmth of the ultra sound gel. Silence. Lots of images. She lifted my left arm and took images of my armpit. That's the moment my heart sank.
The nurse left the room and returned with the Radiologist. The Radiologist reviewed the lump, reviewed my armpit, turned to me & very calmly told me that I will not be returning to work that afternoon. One mammogram and 6 biopsies later I was marched home sad, sore and scared. Bloody bloody scared.
The following day my GP and I played phone tag, I eventually contacted her kindly receptionist, who said "probably best we make a time for you today love". I knew it was bad news. I knew it the moment the nurse lifted my arm.
At 3.30pm on 12/11/14 my GP called me into her office, her eyes were red rimmed, "it's not good news".
The following week I was in surgery, I said farewell to my left breast and my lymphnodes in my left arm. I am now day 10 of round one of chemo, the Zoladex is working a treat. I haven't been this emotional since the day of my diagnosis.
My head is itchy and I'm bracing myself for the day, in a few days, when I lose my hair. A girlfriend recently said breast cancer is really cruel, it removes all semblance of femininity. You lose your breasts, your hair, your Oestrogen, your fertility. It makes you a non-woman. I know this is not true. But in some ways she was right. I feel hollow.
Meanwhile, my friends are enjoying festive celebrations & I'm at home picking fights with my husband because I'm scared, angry and frustrated. Breast cancer is no pink ribbon.
I'm sorry this ended up a lot longer than promised. I know there is no rule book on how a breast cancer patient is "meant" to act. If anyone has any tips or tricks on how to deal with early onset menopause and avoiding the "why me's" please share them with me.
Writing it down has helped, so thanks BCNA.
With love,
Tiffany
