Finished treatment and scared

Thank you! It's sooo bloody hard isn't it? I want to get on with it and take one day at a time but this creepy crawly feeling is driving me batty. When I get up and do things it disapears but sit at a desk all day doesn't help. Keep say to myself it's going to take a while for the effects of chemo to subside but keep think worse case scenario all of the time!

Hi Kath
Ive just finished 6 months of Chemo and 5 weeks of radio and have a small break before mastectomy and reconstruction. nearly fainted 3 times in the surgeons office while he explained things. I take my baby steps and think about one little thing at a time and try not to think too far ahead to save on some anxiousness, but also I have restricted my contact with some of the outside world, as some of the 'comments' and 'over shares' I get would topple me off my twig! I surround my self with my great professional team and close friends and family I feel very fortunate. It doesn't stop me worrying but lets me focus and get on with my life....which is there to be lived for however long.
K

onemargie said:

My hands especially at night as long as I don't move them too much (any tips on how to reduce the discomfort at night would be appreciated Ive tried everything) 

@onemargie - Have you consulted a Hand Therapist? I didn't even know such an occupation existed - apparently they are Occupational Therapists who specialise in hands. I was referred by my GP. 
I have carpel tunnel syndrome (genetics), peripheral neuropathy (from chemo) and arthralgia pain (from arimidex) - seriously sometimes I think I would be better if I chopped my hands off and learnt to do things with my feet which also have neuropathy but don't hurt as much as my hands. I don't really believe that is a viable solution but it does seem appealing when my hands ache so much. 
My hand therapist has given me exercises to do - not sure they really do much but I am persevering. However I now wear wrist braces to bed, to drive and anytime my hands get too sore - they really help me. I also try to limit my time on the computer (typing is very painful!) and use a gel pad to rest my wrist on for the mouse. 
I'm considering surgery for the carpel tunnel but I'm not sure how much relief I will get as it won't help the neuropathy or the arimidex pain. 

so true!

Hi
I am also a TNBC, had a 3.5 cm tumour, had a lumpectomy, followed by chem, taxol & radiation which I finished in December. The worse part is I now have tinnitus, there are times when it's pretty bad and I feel like I'm going crazy, I find if I am kept pretty busy I don't notice the ringing in my ears. The chemo has thrown me into menopause, so getting hot flushes and aches and pains in my legs, so glad the weather has gotten cooler. Whilst I am grateful to be alive it's now trying to live with these side affects and my mental state has suffered, getting motivated is becoming an effort, it's a hard slog. My hair has grown back and I don't look sickly but for a long time there I hated my eyes and what chemo does to you. Yes it's hard to move on from our diagnosis & treatment, I tend to listen to music (to distract the ringing in my ears), I can't concentrate for long periods in reading books though. None of us wanted this awful disease but we keep putting one foot forward and keep moving - somehow.

hi there kath

I too have tried to avoid this site as I thought it was a reminder of my breast cancer and I'm trying to move on too. May last year I had tnbc 3cm tumor no lymph nodes involved didn't have the radiation as I chose to have a mastectomy so just had 8 rounds of chemo 4 AC and 4 paclitaxol then in November chose to have the other one off too. Have decided to have a reconstruction now too at some stage.  So nearly 6 months post chemo Ive felt vulnerable as unlike other breast cancers we don't take tamoxifen etc to help prevent recurrence. Saw my surgeon on Friday for post op follow up who reassured me. I still ache from the last round of chemo. My hands especially at night as long as I don't move them too much (any tips on how to reduce the discomfort at night would be appreciated Ive tried everything) its fine and I'm good through the day once everythings warmed up. I wake early and walk my dogs and watch the sun rise over the water and feel grateful to be alive and it gives me that positive energy I need for the day and feel better when I read stuff on this site rather than avoiding it. Ive started back at work this week so that's a huge distraction and I just take each day as it comes. I have definitely had my dark days but when I do I just force myself to carry on and it soon passes. I get the aches in my legs still sometimes and in my arms but in not constant and its always the same and so far has not gotten any worse so oncologist says that's all positive. The early menopause symptoms get me sometimes especially with the bloody hot flushes I have a squirty botlle in my fridge that my hubby suggested I spray my face and neck with when I get them and its awesome!. Am grateful its now winder in qld!. The menopause has also affected my libido was wondering if that's what others have too and  I'm not sure when the cancer free period is supposed to start is it from the time I had the surgery or when I finished chemo but like I said a day at a time and each day that passes is another day I'm cancer free. My hair has also grown back quite a bit now so I no longer look like a chemo patient so that helps my mental state too. Hang in there with all of us if you want to chat just message me anytime. Margie

Thanks ladies! The best part about this awful journey is the amazing strong women u meet along the way . I am constantly in awe of the strength and support from so many beautiful people

hi Kath again. Learning to live again is hard.. I love talk back radio that helps. Another thing I do is, I go the local library and get heaps of cds. Listening to music I have never heard before is great.Also great range of dvds. Music can alter my mood.After going thru treatment and in my case some things did go wrong. It is very hard to feel at ease. I am getting there. My husband however is anxious and worried. Does time heal? I hope so

You will get through this hard part too Kath. You are a survivor and my bc sister and now my friend. We've got this.  Kath x

@kathseward anyone who has traveled this road will completely understand the complexity of what you feel. I was first diagnosed in 2011 luckily early ER+ lumpectomy Rads and tamoxifen 4yrs. I honestly moved on and never thought of a recurrence at all. 2015 a routine checkup as I had done every year showed a 2.5cm tumor ER+ no lymph node involvement, BRCA gene negative Stage 2 Grade 3. Yep my world did come crashing down thinking OMG how!!!!! and AGAIN???? really??? unbelievable. BUT I did chemo 2015 and have been clear since so heading into 2yrs and recovering from a Mastectomy/diep flap recon as we speak due to recurrence, not gambling again. 

Absolutely I think about recurrence but there are so many what ifs and what I do is one foot in front of the other, one day at a time surrounding myself with the love and support of great people, enjoying my children, focusing on plans and getting busy...until one day I wake up and so much time has passed that yes I still have the fear but it doesnt have a hold of me anymore. Together with FAITH that no matter what, I will deal with whatever comes. Reminding yourself you are beyond strong and your determination to enjoy your life rather than worry becomes the bigger. Big hugs you will get there absolutely! slowly slowly Melinda xo