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taraburke's avatar
taraburke
Member
10 years ago

Excess positivity = denial

I was diagnosed with invasive grade 2 early bc 2nd Dec 2015. Wide excision lumpectomy + sentinel node biopsy 17th Dec and no cancer found in nodes or section around tumour so I thought I had dodged the chemo bullet. My breast clinic team & I decided as my tumour was 2.5 cm it was wise to give me more chance of 10yr survival WITH chemo, followed by the mandatory radio & endotherapies.

I never really experienced the shock of 'I've got cancer', I just kind of went with it and followed my nose, not really knowing what was around the corner and just focused on that great prognosis = 95% survival at 5yr Woo Hoo!!!! I'm so LUCKY!! I was perhaps too naive/scared to start net browsing and thought that was a good thing but now at Day 9 after treatment #1 with my face nearly burning off and my belly swollen beyond belief I think the 'denial' bubble has very seriously burst! 'How is getting a cancer diagnosis in any way, lucky??!!'

Now I'm really annoyed with myself for not searching earlier, not educating myself earlier, not preparing my body earlier for the onslaught of this poisonous cocktail my poor body is enduring.

I've been so blessed all my life with pretty good health, no allergies, conditions, injuries, no 'women's issues', just a never ending sense that my body wasn't pretty enough, perfect enough, fit enough, brown enough, tall enough but that was my stupid lack of self esteem, nothing to do with my amazing body and how wonderfully it has carried me through some wild, crazy and fun adventures in my 48 years. 

Now, I'm in total awe of what it has been able to do for me all these years, how bloody fantastic it has been. I've given it a real hiding on occasion, too and it always bounced right back but now it's struggling, like that little red caboose heading up the mountain - the load is way too heavy and my wheels are slipping on the tracks. I need to make up some time now and find out how to help my body get up that mountain. Better late than never I guess...

  • taraburke's avatar
    taraburke
    Member
    10 years ago

    I love it Brenda, planning your 80th now - perfect! I reckon it'll be a hoot.

  • Tracey62's avatar
    Tracey62
    Member
    10 years ago

    Hi Tara, you are so right. How many years have we all spent thinking that somehow we are "not enough", when the reality is that we are truly amazing. Somehow after all the surgery, chemo & radiation, I don't really look at the outside me, but instead stand amazed at the inner strength and courage that carries us forward to better days. Hope you get relief for the skin burning and that next round of chemo is kind to you, Tracey??

  • Brenda5's avatar
    Brenda5
    Member
    10 years ago

    I have dodged the radiology as I had a mastectomy and there is nothing left to radiate lol. Lets face it my boobs weren't ever really big in the first place and the cancer one was the bigger of the two.

    Like you I never got sick either. Nurses had to teach me you supposed to swallow panadols whole not chew them!

    At our age, and I am planning to have my 80th birthday in nearly 30 years time, I figure the chemo is good insurance to this cancer never coming back ever. We'll bounce back. xxx

  • lrb_03's avatar
    lrb_03
    Member
    10 years ago

    Hi Tara. Everyone responds so differently to chemo, and of course it depends on what you are having. I, too, had that face burning thing happen when I started on Docetaxel. It was awful. I also ended up peeling quite badly. It also happened on the back of my hands. 

    The best way to educate yourself is to talk to your treatment team. Ring the nurses where you are having chemo & speak to one of them. Dr Google is not always your friend. The resources available both in this site, in the My Journey kit (I hope you have that), and also on the Cancer Australia website are invaluable. 

    The human body is awesome. Take it all day by day. Try not to jump too far ahead. You'll find lots of support here. Keep in touch. 

    Take care, Lyn