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PatsyN's avatar
PatsyN
Member
7 years ago

DONE AND DUSTED

I'm clear of cancer... how can anyone say that.

I finished rads only 2 days ago, had a CT scan yesterday and today was told I'm cured.
Arimidex for the next how many years and life goes on.
But it won't be my old life that I loved so much.

What if I don't like my new life.
What if I don't like the renovated version of me.
Why do I feel so ungrateful.
Why can't I stop crying.
Where's the sense of relief.
(no question marks needed for rhetoric)

I feel impaled after radiation. My nerve endings are on high alert. At least after chemo I felt numb.
My chest burns and my joints ache and I want my mother (who's been dead for 10 years).

I don't want to tell anyone yet because I'm not ready to be joyous.
Tonight I feel like a brat who doesn't appreciate anything.


coping
survivorship
treatment
  • arpie's avatar
    arpie
    Member
    7 years ago
    @PatsyN .... I wish we were closer to give you a hug & a Congrats.    How GOOD to be told you are clear!   Well done!!  It all wasn't for nothing!

    I was strangely emotional at the end of my Rads 2 weeks ago too .... so to have the CT Scan & then be told you are clear all on top of that - I reckon I'd still be crying too!  Hey!  Let it out!!!

    The effects of your rads will 'continue working out' for the next few weeks ...... my boob is only just becoming 'less hot' after 2 weeks ..... and may take another 2 weeks to get back to 'normal temp'!

    NO - you are not a brat who doesn't appreciate anything - you are a bit overwhelmed by the thole thing, which is totally understandable!  It will take a little time for you to settle in to your 'new you' ..... you can't rush it.

    Just take care of yourself - continue nurturing your boobs - and all going well, all WILL go well

    All the best xxxxx BIG hugs coming your way!!   xx