I too, as we all do, live with the fear of this curse that turned our whole lives upside down returning one day. I have my 2yr Mammogram next week and 2yr Oncology Appt the following week and this time of the year it seems for me is the most depressive, I get very unsettled and everyone around me notices but I dont think they quite understand the turmoil that we go thru. I just have to keep my head up and get on with the worthwhile and wonderful task of living life to the full. I do believe that ups and downs are all part of the process but for some we feel more up than down and for others we feel more down than up. But thinking about it right now, you know, I woke up this morning and the sun is shining and I am alive. Lets take each day as it comes and make the absolute most of it. :) Keep talking, Annie, to us on BCNA as we are all travelling a similar path and are here to help each other. Please feel free to add as a contact and Take Care