Forum Discussion

Joey's avatar
Joey
Member
14 years ago

Discovering New Fears

I guess you don't know what you like unless you try it.  The same is true of new experiences.  How would you know that hurling yourself from an airborne plane is something you don't like unless you do it?  Well, that is called fear.  It isn't an irrational fear.  It's quite rational to be afraid of something that (unless the safety precautions are properly adhered to) will kill you. 

I spoke to my oncologist today because my blood pressure has been very low - too low to even contemplate driving to work and actually working once I'm there, then driving back home.  My blood count was on the low side after my first chemo (just below the normal reference range) so I suspected that might be contributing to the low blood pressure.  So tomorrow morning I am having a blood test to see where my levels are at.  If my count is lower, I will need a transfusion.

All seems like a good idea, but tell that to the irrational, primitive side of me that is scrunched into a foetal position and humming to herself.  The very notion of having another person's blood in my body is freaking me out!!!  I had no idea I had this fear.  It is a completely mind-boggling, earth shattering discovery!

So, aside from how interesting it is to suddenly realise I have a fear of other people's certain bodily fluids being INSIDE MY BODY, the question now is - if I do need a transfusion (which the professionals are soooo casual about mentioning), how do I deal with this all encompassing fear?

Edit: By the way, I am a registered blood donor, bone marrow donor and organ donor.  I am aware of the irony...

8 Replies

  • pisces_tas's avatar
    pisces_tas
    Member
    14 years ago

    Hi Joey,

    It is a hard slog, but also blessings. The chemo can effect cognitive  function. Asking for " help " is a good thing. You are going through a big thing, so take it easy.. listen to your body, rest when you have to and let others help you when you need it. Recognize you will go through a range of emotions.

    I fought the physical and mental effects initially; in hindsight I wish I had not pushed myself so much early on.

    “But there’s a bad day coming,” says M-. “I want you to be ready for it, and when it comes, go with it. Be easy on yourself and just let it happen. No matter how bad it is, it will pass.”

    Quote from BC nurse to a client. 

    Kathy. ooxx best of luck...

  • Cheryl_D's avatar
    Cheryl_D
    Member
    14 years ago

    Not lazy but maybe accepting of your situation, I know it took me and still takes me no end of apologies and sorries to get through a day with not going to help my hubby at work and I am just finished 6 weeks of rads after 6 rounds of TCH, 3 breast surgeries and and emergency surgery for a Bartholins' abscess which was brought on by chemo low blood counts.

    Hell woman I didn't even want to get out of bed to pee so we deserve a rest, a break and every bloody thing else we ask or don't ask for, wouldn't you do the same for others?

    That is what my family and friends threw down my throat and you know it's true, I know it's true and those that love you know it  too so accept, it really ain't that hard once you start.

    Cheers

    Cheryl D

  • Cheryl_D's avatar
    Cheryl_D
    Member
    14 years ago

    Not lazy but maybe accepting of your situation, I know it took me and still takes me no end of apologies and sorries to get through a day with not going to help my hubby at work and I am just finished 6 weeks of rads after 6 rounds of TCH, 3 breast surgeries and and emergency surgery for a Bartholins' abscess which was brought on by chemo low blood counts.

    Hell woman I didn't even want to get out of bed to pee so we deserve a rest, a break and every bloody thing else we ask or don't ask for, wouldn't you do the same for others?

    That is what my family and friends threw down my throat and you know it's true, I know it's true and those that love you know it  too so accept, it really ain't that hard once you start.

    Cheers

    Cheryl D

  • TonyaM's avatar
    TonyaM
    Member
    14 years ago

    Gosh Joey if you can't lie around whilst on chemo for cancer when can you??Ofcourse you can't work when you feel so terrible- I couldn't, I just took sick leave/long service.I didn't want the added pressure of wondering if I'd be ok for work.Probably the most you are capable of doing right now would be watching dvds and flipping through trashy magazines.Why are we women plagued by the "guilt"gene? When my husband retired he felt guilty for about 5 mins for not working.I threw my job in 6 months ago -I'm 56-but am still having guilt pangs. You shouldn't be worrying about anything else but resting and drinking lots of fluids - there! I've said it- and it's what you already know.Go abit easier on yourself Joey.

                                                      Tonya xx

  • Joey's avatar
    Joey
    Member
    14 years ago

    Thanks everyone for your support.  I heard back today and my bloods are fine and I don't need to have a transfusion.  I'm so relieved, yet would have liked this low blood pressure thing to be a solvable problem.  I'm head achey and just plain flat right now.  I cannot work in this condition and it's starting to really depress me.  Chemo brain has kicked right in too.  And although I would be telling others in my position to chill out and get as much rest as possible, I can't help but feel like a malingerer, like I'm just being lazy. 

  • Di_BCNA's avatar
    Di_BCNA
    Member
    14 years ago

    Oh, Joey!  I have a VERY irrational fear of dentistry so I can totally relate to what you're saying.  I've recently had to have lots of detal work done (catching up on years of avoidance), and the only way I get through it is by imagining all the drilling and filling is endowing some kind of dental-fighting super-power.  Maybe you can think of your new blood that way if you do end up needing it.  :)

  • TonyaM's avatar
    TonyaM
    Member
    14 years ago

    I feel the same way Joey.Drink lots of fluids tonight /tomorrow- that will help your blood pressure.You would have to be pretty anaemic to require a blood transfusion-hb lower than 8.5 maybe. Will have my fingers crossed you don't need it.Let us know how you get on.

                                       Tonya xx

  • TonyaM's avatar
    TonyaM
    Member
    14 years ago

    I feel the same way Joey.Drink lots of fluids tonight /tomorrow- that will help your blood pressure.You would have to be pretty anaemic to require a blood transfusion-hb lower than 8.5 maybe. Will have my fingers crossed you don't need it.Let us know how you get on.

                                       Tonya xx