Day 5 after 2nd FEC & struggling
Day 5 after 2nd FEC and I’m struggling. I think it is more emotional rather than physical. So far things have been pretty much the same as last time – nausea pretty much under control, headaches manageable with panadol, tummy pains subsiding but so, so, tired and dreadfully foggy. And I just feel sad.
Hair Loss – One of the hardest things so far – but it makes me feel shallow to think that way. My husband shaved it off for me on Sunday, I had it down to a number 4 but I could no longer cope with the mess and hairy hats. At first it was a relief to have that step over and done with but now I feel very self-conscious, I feel nervous about going out and seeing people. It’s also quite whiskery, I thought it would be as smooth as a baby’s bottom but there is quite a lot of stubble, which is scratchy and uncomfortable when I lay down - so a sleep hat is necessary. Does the stubble fall out? Do I keep shaving it back?
Products – People are telling me to go organic. A wonderful friend gave me a lovely range of organic skin care products and I have been using them daily, my skin does feel lovely but I can’t handle the deodorant. It just doesn’t do the job, I like my rexona spray on! Any advice here?? I’ve also been using Johnson’s holiday skin on my face every few days, it gives me a little bit of colour and takes away the awful grey look that my skin has taken on – it also detracts from the panda eyes. Look good feel better yes - but should I be using such products??
Mood – I am normally pretty relaxed and happy but at the moment I’m like a wound up spring. My kids are being normal kids but I feel like I am being very short and snappy with them and then I feel bad. They want friends to come and play or to cook or sew + there are school projects to do. I need to find something special to do with them that is not too demanding on me but still fun. We need to laugh together.
Work - I am not teaching at the moment as I am on extended sick leave but I still do the book work and payroll for my husband's business. It is so hard to concentrate on figures and filing. I only do it when I am feeling well as I am worried about making errors but it is just piling up this week and that is not a good feeling either.
It even makes me sad to have this whinge. I have lots of help - my house has been cleaned, my meals delivered by the lovely school mums, washing and ironing done by my family so why can’t I snap out of it?
While typing this blog entry my friend since kindergarten rang. I had a cry and now she is on her way over to take me out for a drive and to get some fresh air. So I will put on my wig, some mascara and a smile and hope this little outing cheers me up.
I need to get my mojo back!
Ann-Marie xx
