Forum Discussion

kazza4450's avatar
kazza4450
Member
11 years ago

Can I have a whinge :(

Hi 

I apologise in advance, this is not an upbeat post :(

I am so so tired atm, so sick and so fed up.

I so need to just vent and whinge and cry at the injustice of it all.

So far over the last 7 weeks I have been positive and have been facing each hurdle with a smile on my dial, lol.

But the last few days I feel wrecked and defeated.

2 surgeries in 17 days, first surgery still have a seroma (fluid lump build up around the lumpectomy site), a day up emergency waiting to get it assessed then drained.  

I was on antibiotics right up till second surgery. After second surgery few days later pain set in, eventually showed massive infection, so back on antibiotics.

Few days later blisters erupt, pain level got worse and worse since surgery even on antibiotics, so back to doctors and there pretty sure as am I that I have shingles around the drain site. This will be the 4th bout of shingles throughout my life.

The recovery and pain I have had is way beyond what I expected after axillery node surgery. It probably doesn't help that I already have damage to all the left arm, hip, back and neck from a fall in 2008, so this surgery is all been done on the right side, so it's like a double whammy. I can barely wipe a bench or anything atm.

So pain level, itch, sick feeling through out body etc. I just feel overwhelmed, defeated by it all wondering where I will get the strength to face the next challenges of meeting with chemo, radiation etc to discuss treatment.

I guess I will hold on to the hope that it is just a discussion.

I understand this is probably just a temporary flat that I am experiencing and maybe everything finally catching up with me. 

As I write this the tears are flowing for the first time in a while, which is probably a good thing.

Thanks for listening and reading. I hope I don't dampen anyone else with my sad sac moments, lol.

Cheers, Karen :)

 

 

emotions
pain

9 Replies

  • lrb_03's avatar
    lrb_03
    Member
    11 years ago

    Karen, you have been so upbeat through all this so far. It's hardly surprising that after all you've been through, that you'd hit a wall. Just know that there always seems to be someone to hear/ read your rant. And always someone ready to offer a kind word. Thinking of you, cyber hugs, Lyn

  • Kb's avatar
    Kb
    Member
    11 years ago

    I was not much of a cryer but thanks to BC I'm now letting stuff out and it's a far better thing to do than I previously did. Maybe coz I hit 50 last year during treatment I'm kinda who gives a shit bigger things to worry about,  and life is More in perspective now. My evil outbursts, a reinactment of the exorcist each time the steroids wore off during chemo was horrible yet, valve releasing. My poor partner, but he has survived and we are closer for it too. I had many ups and downs and still do but things slowly improve. Do what you need to, I and possibly many others will applaud you for letting it out and that's what this place is for. you go girl let it rip. Biggest of hugs to you and hope my wee angel I have sent to you now if you minutely believe may bring a fairy dusting of comfort. 

  • LisaS's avatar
    LisaS
    Member
    11 years ago

    You are just telling it like it is! That's not whinging. My god you must be tough. I had the 2 surgeries in 23 days with hardly any problems, and I was miserable as anything. I am in awe of you coping at all with so much pain. 

    I definitely think there is a cumulative effect with the anaesthetic. The Day 3 Blues were worse the second (and third!) time around. That definitely gave me the blues.

    tbh so far for me the surgeries have been worse than chemo. So hopefully it only gets easier for you too. Chemo or not. With chemo you can still walk and move your arms and sleep on your side and drive, and shower without a bloody drain. hope you soon will be past this stage and on to easier challenges.

     

  • Kazzi's avatar
    Kazzi
    Member
    11 years ago

    Hi Karen,

    You're allowed to whinge, you're allowed to cry.  Keep coming on here to vent and you'll find the support you'll need to get through this crappy time.  Goalposts get changed all the time and it is a roller coaster ride.  Be kind to yourself,

    Karen xx

  • adean's avatar
    adean
    Member
    11 years ago

    Sometimes it just hits all at once and I think the build up of everything even long ago comes out, I remember being so upset one day I said to everyone they were so much nicer to me when I was really ill, I told them I wish I was really ill again. It's good to have that outburst you go ahead. Adean 

     

  • Karel01's avatar
    Karel01
    Member
    11 years ago

    Dear Karen - it is important to vent and release your feelings. Aren't we lucky we have a site where we can do this. Keep strong. Hugs and best wishes

    Karel

  • rowdy's avatar
    rowdy
    Member
    11 years ago

    Hi Karen you are having a crappy time, it is terrible when it all builds into a big pile. The best thing you can do is vent, everyone on this site has felt like you at some time, I know I have. I never thought I would get to any new normal. I'm nearing the end of my trip but I remember how crappy i felt at times (and still do at times). Our poor bodies and minds go through a tough time. Give someone you love a big hug and have a good cry and start again. Take care of yourself sending you a big hugxx

  • Melhay's avatar
    Melhay
    Member
    11 years ago

    Hi Karen,

    You are going through an extremely crappy time - keep venting, whinging & crying if it helps. Do whatever you need to do to get through this challenging period. 

    Take care & remember to be kind to yourself :)

    Regards Mel xxx 

  • June1952's avatar
    June1952
    Member
    11 years ago

    Hi Karen   :-)

    Whinge all you want !

    Yes, it is a VERY good thing that you are letting the tears flow as you certainly do not want that stress to build up internally any more than you have to.

    I am sorry to read the terrible side effects from what should be simple surgery.

    Are you in the public or private system ?  Suggest you contact your surgeon at his rooms (even if you have to pay more - you are worth it) and see if there are any alternatives to helping you get through.

    Stay on this site as someone will have been where you are and may be able to offer specific advice.

    Thinking of you - sending big cyber hugs and boxes of tissues !

    Summer  :-)