Forum Discussion
Adjusting to bad news, staying hopeful, changing habits
Hi,
I am a 44 year old mother of two girls, 3 and 7. Was diagnosed with breast cancer on Tuesday evening after a mammogram and ultrasound in the morning. On Wednesday I saw a specialist who sent me for biopsies and scans. On Thursday afternoon I learnt that I have HER2 positive BC in my right breast (3x3cm with two smaller tumours nearby), and one lymph node biopsied because it was enlarged was also cancerous. A lump on the left was benign. It does not appear to have spread to bones, pelvis, liver etc however there were two 5mm nodules in my lung that might be BC. I am hoping they are something else but have to be prepared in case the cancer already is stage 4. I remember the doctor said it was grade 2-3 but not sure if that is the same thing as stage 2-3.
I have somehow lost the reports, so I can't look over the details until they are mailed but I have an appointment on Wednesday with a different specialist to plan treatment. I am glad that things are moving quickly but am still reeling from the news and wish the appointment was sooner. I think I will be having preadjuvant chemo and/or targeted treatment, followed by a mastectomy of the right breast in several months (with optional rebuild), however I have not met with the oncologist so am not sure what to expect.
I should have gotten to a GP weeks ago as I had noticed hardness over many months (which I had thought was related to it being dominant for milk production) and had a sore breast in early July, however because I was breastfeeding and fairly ignorant of BC I mistook the symptoms including a swollen lymph node for mastitis. Only when all pain went way and I noticed the boob seemed bigger and misshapen with a prominent lump did I get myself to a doctor. Waited a week and a half for the scan that showed it was as suspected a malignant carcinoma. Strange thing is it only started hurting again after I learned what it was.
I don't know much yet but am trying to learn a bit without scaring myself too much or googling into the night. My youngest daughter has weaned herself, and on the night of the diagnosis she accepted bedtime without breast, understanding that I have sick boobies and the doctor said we should stop. In the middle of the night she was desperate to breastfeed, and I allowed this briefly. That is the last time I fed her, and she has been proud of herself for giving it up but has wanted to kiss it and hug it today.
Next move is for me to give up smoking, a bad habit of mine for many years off and on, which is not easy when it has been a response to stress and I have been quite stressed at times. It must be done, as I understand that it increases the risk of metastasis (if it has not already happened) and I wouldn't want to invite another cancer along right now. But I am trying to be gentle with myself when I occasionally light them only to put them out shortly thereafter. I hope to eliminate this habit fully by Wednesday. I have to clean up my diet and prepare for the treatment. I was a lifelong vegetarian until my early thirties however I have eaten a tiny bit of fish in the past ten years. I eat lots of fruit and veg. However I do have too many sugary things and processed stuff so I need to cut the crap out of the shopping list.
Emotionally I have been struggling a bit and I should arrange some counselling to work through my feelings. My mother and friends have been amazing, my husband has been a good support but doesn't like to see me crying, which I think is just a normal thing from time to time in such a circumstance. I am being open and honest with the kids and have been giving them lots of love and sweetness. Honestly I am sometimes very scared but I am trying to be strong for myself and for everyone around me.
Sending love and understanding to others with BC, and those who have recently been diagnosed, it's pretty tough to take, huh?
I am a 44 year old mother of two girls, 3 and 7. Was diagnosed with breast cancer on Tuesday evening after a mammogram and ultrasound in the morning. On Wednesday I saw a specialist who sent me for biopsies and scans. On Thursday afternoon I learnt that I have HER2 positive BC in my right breast (3x3cm with two smaller tumours nearby), and one lymph node biopsied because it was enlarged was also cancerous. A lump on the left was benign. It does not appear to have spread to bones, pelvis, liver etc however there were two 5mm nodules in my lung that might be BC. I am hoping they are something else but have to be prepared in case the cancer already is stage 4. I remember the doctor said it was grade 2-3 but not sure if that is the same thing as stage 2-3.
I have somehow lost the reports, so I can't look over the details until they are mailed but I have an appointment on Wednesday with a different specialist to plan treatment. I am glad that things are moving quickly but am still reeling from the news and wish the appointment was sooner. I think I will be having preadjuvant chemo and/or targeted treatment, followed by a mastectomy of the right breast in several months (with optional rebuild), however I have not met with the oncologist so am not sure what to expect.
I should have gotten to a GP weeks ago as I had noticed hardness over many months (which I had thought was related to it being dominant for milk production) and had a sore breast in early July, however because I was breastfeeding and fairly ignorant of BC I mistook the symptoms including a swollen lymph node for mastitis. Only when all pain went way and I noticed the boob seemed bigger and misshapen with a prominent lump did I get myself to a doctor. Waited a week and a half for the scan that showed it was as suspected a malignant carcinoma. Strange thing is it only started hurting again after I learned what it was.
I don't know much yet but am trying to learn a bit without scaring myself too much or googling into the night. My youngest daughter has weaned herself, and on the night of the diagnosis she accepted bedtime without breast, understanding that I have sick boobies and the doctor said we should stop. In the middle of the night she was desperate to breastfeed, and I allowed this briefly. That is the last time I fed her, and she has been proud of herself for giving it up but has wanted to kiss it and hug it today.
Next move is for me to give up smoking, a bad habit of mine for many years off and on, which is not easy when it has been a response to stress and I have been quite stressed at times. It must be done, as I understand that it increases the risk of metastasis (if it has not already happened) and I wouldn't want to invite another cancer along right now. But I am trying to be gentle with myself when I occasionally light them only to put them out shortly thereafter. I hope to eliminate this habit fully by Wednesday. I have to clean up my diet and prepare for the treatment. I was a lifelong vegetarian until my early thirties however I have eaten a tiny bit of fish in the past ten years. I eat lots of fruit and veg. However I do have too many sugary things and processed stuff so I need to cut the crap out of the shopping list.
Emotionally I have been struggling a bit and I should arrange some counselling to work through my feelings. My mother and friends have been amazing, my husband has been a good support but doesn't like to see me crying, which I think is just a normal thing from time to time in such a circumstance. I am being open and honest with the kids and have been giving them lots of love and sweetness. Honestly I am sometimes very scared but I am trying to be strong for myself and for everyone around me.
Sending love and understanding to others with BC, and those who have recently been diagnosed, it's pretty tough to take, huh?
67 Replies
- Same here. I got my news Friday afternoon, with a poor explanation. Basdically she just pointed to the word metastatic and said "that's cancer". I spent the weekend googling, bad naughty, and had myself convinced that was it. Who the heck mails a pathology report anyway?? Normally you have to have a doctor explain it to you. Even if it is a bad explanation.
xoxox - While we can't give medical advice we can help with information. I also freaked out when I saw that said about the nodes. I guess you can see why the medicos can get a bit antsy sometimes about us reading our own reports - nothing that a bit of explanation doesn't fix.
No question is too silly to ask - and sometimes someone else out there may have the same question.
Have you talked to your 7 year old about what is going on? How you deal with it is of course up to you but kids are often scared by "secrets" more than they are by knowing. As long as you keep the information age-appropriate. If you haven't done so, it's probably worth letting his/her teacher or someone else at the school know as well - it doesn't have to be public knowledge if you don't want it to be but it helps the school to deal with any anxieties that may present. My kids were older than yours when I was diagnosed (11, 12 & 15) - we've had some issues over the time but they know we don't hide anything about the cancer so they have been able to ask freely when they've been concerned. It doesn't mean I tell them the "what-ifs" but it helps for them to know that if I'm upset, it's okay. - Ah yes. ..those node reports have upset so many ladies with that description. I'm so glad you found someone to talk to who could allay those fears. No question here is ever too silly. X
- Ah the language is a whole new one! It can confuse and confound. No-one of course intends to do that but it’s easily done all the same. Here’s hoping that your treatment is as easy as possible and that your optimism and positive attitude assist to an excellent outcome. As @primek says, it’s possible and attainable. We all need determination, motivation and a bit of luck. I wish you all the best for the latter, you have the first two nailed.
- I should have posted in the new diagnosis section but didn’t really know what I was doing. Again, thanks for the kind messages, it means a lot and makes me feel supported and know I am in good company here.
I had such a freak out this afternoon when I arrived home to find my pathology report in the mail. Twice in the document it referred to metastatic tumour in the lymph node. I thought the doctor didn’t want to break it to me but I must be stage IV. Cried and cried and upset my 7 year old who also cried. Then I tried to call a GP and the doctor who mailed the report but couldn’t get on to anyone or get an appointment. Eventually I rang a friend of a friend who I had never spoken to or met but who is is a retired breast cancer specialist who explained that the use of this word on the report does not mean I am stage IV it just describes my tumour in the lymph node because it is a secondary cancer from the primary in the breast. She answered lots of my questions that I thought were too silly to raise on here. Like will I make it spread if I roll into my tummy in the night (no!) and is it safe to swim (yes) and if my bra digs into my lymph area will it metastasise (no it will just be uncomfortable!). I even managed to laugh a few times in the conversation.
She gave me great advice like so many people have on here too and reassured me that the hospital I will be treated in is great. So I am much relieved. Indeed this thing is like being on a roller coaster!
Im sure things will get easier for me once treatment commences. Thanks again. I am very grateful for kind people supporting me and am feeling much more hopeful. - Hi there lovely. What a tough few days you've had. I had an estrogen + her2+ cancer. My surgery came 1st followed by chemo but my understanding now is preference if known positive nodes or a little larger then yes chemo and herceptin plus another targeted therapy 1st.
It all feels overwhelming presently and feeling like that it very NORMAL. Where here to answer any questions you have and there is a reconstruction group. The good thing with chemo 1st is you have a little more time to plan surgery. I had to make my decision on day of appointment so it coukd be booked asap.
I just wanted to share ...my niece was in her 30s with a her2+ cancer and she had 10 positive nodes out of 20. Well 16 years on she is still cancer free. So have hope. X - Hi @kabash
Welcome to the forum lovely. There is always so much warnth and information on here not matter what time of day or night. We all know how you are feeling at the moment. The rollercoaster of emotions, the trying to change all the things you consider your bad habits because you think it's your lifestyle that caused it.
I was 45 at diagnosis. My kids were older though,(5 of them between 17 and 21). I was told 3 days before my twin daughters 18th birthday. Not the best present.
I already knew it had spread as it was found in my lymph nodes. Stage 2III, grade 2 they debated over where to put it on the scale due to the nodes, however the breast tumour turned out to be smaller than tthe cut off point, so it stayed at stage 2III . After the initial pathology, and once they worked out a treatment plan it's never been mentioned again.
Waiting for that staging result was one of the scariest days of my life. I really didn't even want to ring the doctor and find out. I made my husband do it.
Good luck with the ciggies, I failed miserably (actually I didn't even try) and smoked more than I ever had the whole way through. I discussed that with my BCN and she said I probably had enough to deal with at that point. There is also a common misconception that sugar feeds cancer. It doesn't. I figure if you want chocolate you should have it. Especially if it's the only thing that tastes good through chemo right? :)
Whatever you do, don't beat yourself up over these things. This whole thing is mentally draining enough without adding in a guilt trip.
Fingers and toes crossed for your results lovely.
Hugs
xoxoxoxoxo - Hi @kabash I felt a lump early December 2017. This was not unusual as it happens everytime I overindulge in dairy and usually clears up when I go dairy free for two months. This time it didn’t. I finally got to the doctor (who felt it was just another cyst) and then the breast clinic who couldn’t fit me in for a couple months. Like you I was Her2+ I was stage 3 Grade 3. I had three cancer growths one side, two lymph nodes involved. The original plan was chemo, mastectomy and five node clearance followed by Herceptin. Unfortunately the testing clinic thought they knew better than the breast dr and didn’t clip the lymph nodes which meant total lymph clearance. The chemo worked so well I ended up with the option of lumpectomy only with lymph node clearance. I still chose mastectomy as there was initially an unexplained mass of haze on the MRI that I wasn’t willing to risk. Cancer in breast was ALL dead and I had a micro spot in two lymph nodes. I have no regrets about having the mastectomy as it has eased my mind about what might have been. We cannot turn back the clock and say what if I had just had it checked earlier? I’d had mine thoroughly checked on three previous occasions and each time it turned out it was a cyst which disappeared over time. These things have a mind of their own. Take it easy on yourself. Sure, ease off on the smoking, but if it stresses you, leave things as they are. Time for that later. All the best lovely and big hugs. I only have one Herceptin treatment left and am currently cancer free. xxx
- @kabash What a week it has been for you. So much to take in, I can only imagine how you & your family are feeling. Welcome to the best set of new friends you could wish for. The love, help & support you will find here will be better than any doctor's surgery! You can ask anything, stupid or otherwise & vent as much as you like. No judgement here!
It sounds like things are moving quickly, even though you probably think the world is standing still.
Lots of great advice so far. I will agree with taking your hubbie/friend/family member with you to all appts. There is a lot to absorb & many ears are best. I know some have recorded the appts & others taken notes. Write down questions you want to ask & no question is a dumb question.
You can never get enough reading material from BCNA or Cancer Council or from the brochure rack in the waiting room. Information is power! But probably Dr Google can be scary if you dont know what you are looking for whereas the BCNA or Cancer Council website's are best.
I found a breast care nurse who became my new best friend through it all. I have only met her once as I live in the country but we chat for ages on the phone & I email her with any stupid/silly question i have & she doesnt care. Good thing about her is that she is trained & she gave me advice on the best path forward where other professionals may be inclined to just
let you make the decision. I asked her what would you do & she told me & she hasnt been wrong yet.
I know its a common saying but try not to stress about what may happen & try to focus on the facts you do know & the next step. The goal posts change all the time & I initially spent a lot of time worrying over treatment & surgery that I didnt even end up having so that was a waste of my energy & cancer feeds on stress!
Try to stay positive & breathe. Your strength will be challenged but you will be surprised as to how strong you can be. keep in touch & be kind to yourself most importantly. xx
- Hi @kabash,
You poor thing, we all know how scary this first bit is, waiting for your full pathology/diagnosis. Good luck with it all.
It sounds like you are doing a great job of getting your head around things and moving forward positively. That's a great start.
Like you I am Her2+, mine is Grade 3. And like you I like to know about treatment etc so for interest here's how mine is being treated, it seems quite a common prescription for both Her2+ and Triple Negative.
I had my surgery first. Since then I have completed AC chemotherapy (4 x fortnightly dose dense, so 8 weeks) and am part way through the next course - Paclitaxel chemo 12 x weekly sometimes known as T (for Taxol). The first week and then every third week I have Herceptin, an immunotherapy drug targetting Her2+ cells.
So AC then T and H.
Its pretty doable. Makes you very tired and some annoying side effects, but they have lots of drugs to stop nausea and other things. I am finding walking good mind and body therapy, helps burn off some of the stress too.
As you may have already read Her2+ BC used to have a much worse prognosis ten years ago before the discovery of Herceptin, which has in turn has led to lots of new drugs, either available now or on in development for all stages of cancer. There seem to be lots of new developments and treatments on the horizon.
Best wishes
Susie x
