A tougher time than I thought

Hi there

i can totally relate to that emotionless feeling. I have in the last 3 days felt better after feeling very anxious and depressed after my op. I saw my doctor last Wednesday who I've been seeing for a long time for my mental health and she told me that she thinks this is a "glitch" in my mental health and that she sees no reason why I won't bounce once I go through the grieving process post diagnosis. I felt very reassured by her thoughts and am trying to as she said not get panicked by the panic! Not as hard as I thought with being mindful of it. I think this journey by all accounts is a marathon and not a sprint, I have decided to only do what I'm comfortable with (other than my treatment) as anything on top of that increases my anxiety. I have no doubt that I will be in a better place in the near future to concentrate more on extra stuff. I think that to get through this, I have to be a little selfish and do what I want to do and not what others think is best for me. Just know that compared to this time last week, my emotional state is so much better. Also there are less potent options than Xanax,  less addictive if you are feeling like you can't manage the panic, I have Valium for a rest from the anxiousness if I need it. It really is a horrible feeling isn't it! 

Wishing you the best, great to know we are not alone ??

Morning paula

I was diagnosed last Friday with invasive lobular carcinoma.  I am still rather emotion-less. I was diagnosed with panic disorder and depression in1998. I feel like i am the calm b4 the storm :/ with my drs help i weaned myself off xanax earky this year after being on them for 18 yrs...i have needed them again.. although my anxiety has flared up again,  I still dont think bc has sunk in :/

I'm so glad you're feeling a little better. Take care. Karen xox

Hi Karen,

i just thanked someone else for the tip on the anaesthetic and then realised it was you. Yes, I think you may be right,  it definitely could be partially that. And I guess too my life is taking a detour that I hadn't planned on. You get so used to knowing what's happening for the next week, month....and then all of a sudden you have no idea. It feels very strange and unfamiliar to me, I've never been one to adapt easily to change. I was beside myself earlier and just sharing and getting some support has already lifted my spirits. Thank you so much for taking the time xo

Just hearing that I'm not the only person who has or is going through this makes the world of difference. I was wondering if the anaesthetic Could magnify my emotions, I've only ever had 1 light one before. Thank you for reassuring me, you are so kind. 

Hi Paula,

i was diagnosed at 48 on 23/04/14. I am on the other side now and am still struggling with the anxiety.  What you are feeling is so common. We all want to protect everyone around us but you need to put yourself first and you will learn to do that as you go along. Don't be hard on yourself. On top of everything else, you have had an anaesthetic. That can play havoc on your emotions. The waiting is awful but it is something we have all had to endure. You are entitled to some self pity and I think you need to allow yourself that sometimes. You then need to put your big girl panties on (oh Jen, I love that expression) and just get on with it and do the best you can.  It's highly unlikely that you will be up all the time and it's unrealistic to think you will be. 

Definitely as Leanne said, take little walks and try to eat small healthy amounts. If the feelings you are experiencing are ongoing, have a word to your health team. You have a long, hard road ahead and you will need all of your strength to get through but you will get through it! Use your supports, including here, when ever you need to. There is an end eventually. Just at the moment, you aren't sure when that will be. Hang in there. Karen xox

Hi Paula please don't feel alone - believe it or not it's quiet normal to be anxious it's a wham bam journey I guess looking back I was the same waiting for those results etc.  I've just finished 10 months of active treatment - and don't scare yourself we are all different.  Aniexty has become my new evil friend but I'm here to say it does improve it takes a lot to process what's happened one day your a business woman mother next it's wham bam.  Something that really helped me was the cancer council 131120 in the beginning I was given a phone buddy for I think 8 calls.  I've since called the actual council 3 times and soon start with a local counsellor referred via them - it takes a lot to process diagnosis fears reborn - huge gentle cyber hugs -  I've also met some lifetime friends via this network so come here to express yourself it really helps having others that have done this journey ( a journey I think none of us want or requested - there's no rhyme or reason xxx ). 

Hi Helen 

it sounds like you have a great network of healthcare professionals around you, that's fantastic. All the best for your chemo, thanks for your kind words. ??

Oh Leanne, the waiting is agonising. Thank you for your suggestions, a long road ahead, I think I just haven't adjusted or accepted yet. In fact I haven't even cried over my diagnosis since the day, I have cried over other things, but not that. I think that would be called shock. That's actually the first time I've thought that. I am glad I posted today. I'm not an over-sharer but it makes a huge difference to know you are not alone. Thank you ??

Hi Jen, 

thanks so much for your kind supportive words. I'm so sorry you have had to and are going through so much.

My sister was diagnosed too at 41 on the 29/11/14, her diagnosis shook our whole family to the core. We are a very close but she is suffering adjustment disorder due to the trauma she has been through so I am very protective of her and don't want her to worry about me any more than she has to. 

I think your first instinct as a mum, wife, daughter, sister & Aunty is to protect them first and then to think about yourself. It's all so raw in our family, we know what's ahead and although helpful in practical ways, i feel like my diagnosis is rubbing salt into their very raw wounds. 

I think I am going to have to pull myself together as you have at some point and move forward. I just can't do it yet, I'm just too anxious and as you said, I'm entitled to take some time to adjust.

Oddly my head says everything is fine but my body is constantly triggering my "fight/flight" senses.

thank you once again, I hope you are getting well ??