This morning I had my first real big cry, which made my 10yo daughter cry too, which made me feel worse. I cried because she has a grotty cough & so we had to take her with us for the 4 hr trip to our nearest imaging place & not send her to school or expose our neighbours to her germs. I cried because my oldest daughter had to stay behind. I cried because my oldest daughter turns 13 very soon & wants to be excited & plan her birthday, then she flips & apologises & says ‘don’t worry about getting me anything Mum’.
I really know now how it feels to feel like a burden. I told my husband I should have just gone alone this trip, but he insisted on coming to keep me company, which I do appreciate.
I’m so lucky really to be surrounded by so much love & well-intentioned support, but I think reality is really starting to sink in. I’m already sick of doing the 8hr round trip for the nearest cancer care, yet this is only the start.
How do I decide what surgery is best? I don’t care much about my appearance, & I think a mastectomy & going flat makes the most sense, causes the least disruption to my family, but I feel quite sad still about losing my breast.
Ugh. Anyway, no need to reply, just needed to get this off my chest.
","kudosSumWeight":0,"postTime":"2024-04-21T21:10:52.000-07:00","images":{"__typename":"AssociatedImageConnection","edges":[],"totalCount":0,"pageInfo":{"__typename":"PageInfo","hasNextPage":false,"endCursor":null,"hasPreviousPage":false,"startCursor":null}},"attachments":{"__typename":"AttachmentConnection","pageInfo":{"__typename":"PageInfo","hasNextPage":false,"endCursor":null,"hasPreviousPage":false,"startCursor":null},"edges":[]},"tags":{"__typename":"TagConnection","pageInfo":{"__typename":"PageInfo","hasNextPage":false,"endCursor":null,"hasPreviousPage":false,"startCursor":null},"edges":[{"__typename":"TagEdge","cursor":"MjUuMnwyLjF8b3wxMHxfTlZffDE","node":{"__typename":"Tag","id":"tag:coping","text":"coping","time":"2025-03-25T05:01:39.590-07:00","lastActivityTime":null,"messagesCount":null,"followersCount":null}},{"__typename":"TagEdge","cursor":"MjUuMnwyLjF8b3wxMHxfTlZffDI","node":{"__typename":"Tag","id":"tag:emotions","text":"emotions","time":"2025-03-25T05:01:41.462-07:00","lastActivityTime":null,"messagesCount":null,"followersCount":null}},{"__typename":"TagEdge","cursor":"MjUuMnwyLjF8b3wxMHxfTlZffDM","node":{"__typename":"Tag","id":"tag:family","text":"family","time":"2025-03-25T05:01:39.664-07:00","lastActivityTime":null,"messagesCount":null,"followersCount":null}},{"__typename":"TagEdge","cursor":"MjUuMnwyLjF8b3wxMHxfTlZffDQ","node":{"__typename":"Tag","id":"tag:support","text":"support","time":"2025-03-25T05:02:14.966-07:00","lastActivityTime":null,"messagesCount":null,"followersCount":null}}]},"timeToRead":2,"currentRevision":{"__ref":"Revision:revision:65732_1"},"latestVersion":null,"metrics":{"__typename":"MessageMetrics","views":362},"visibilityScope":"PUBLIC","canonicalUrl":null,"seoTitle":null,"seoDescription":null,"isEscalated":null,"placeholder":false,"originalMessageForPlaceholder":null,"messagePolicies":{"__typename":"MessagePolicies","canModerateSpamMessage":{"__typename":"PolicyResult","failureReason":{"__typename":"FailureReason","message":"error.lithium.policies.feature.moderation_spam.action.moderate_entity.allowed.accessDenied","key":"error.lithium.policies.feature.moderation_spam.action.moderate_entity.allowed.accessDenied","args":[]}}},"archivalData":null,"body":"I’m sorry, I’m really making the most of the solidarity here. It’s been almost 3 weeks since my diagnosis (43yr old, Grade 2, ER+ PR+ HER- mixed lobular/ductal) & I’m usually a super patient person, but I’m feeling quite down.This morning I had my first real big cry, which made my 10yo daughter cry too, which made me feel worse. I cried because she has a grotty cough & so we had to take her with us for the 4 hr trip to our nearest imaging place & not send her to school or expose our neighbours to her germs. I cried because my oldest daughter had to stay behind. I cried because my oldest daughter turns 13 very soon & wants to be excited & plan her birthday, then she flips & apologises & says ‘don’t worry about getting me anything Mum’.
I really know now how it feels to feel like a burden. I told my husband I should have just gone alone this trip, but he insisted on coming to keep me company, which I do appreciate.
I’m so lucky really to be surrounded by so much love & well-intentioned support, but I think reality is really starting to sink in. I’m already sick of doing the 8hr round trip for the nearest cancer care, yet this is only the start.
How do I decide what surgery is best? I don’t care much about my appearance, & I think a mastectomy & going flat makes the most sense, causes the least disruption to my family, but I feel quite sad still about losing my breast.
Ugh. Anyway, no need to reply, just needed to get this off my chest.
","customFields":[]},"Conversation:conversation:65732":{"__typename":"Conversation","id":"conversation:65732","solved":false,"topic":{"__ref":"ForumTopicMessage:message:65732"},"lastPostingActivityTime":"2024-04-25T05:06:35.000-07:00","lastPostTime":"2024-04-25T05:06:35.000-07:00","unreadReplyCount":11,"isSubscribed":false},"ModerationData:moderation_data:65732":{"__typename":"ModerationData","id":"moderation_data:65732","status":"APPROVED","rejectReason":null,"isReportedAbuse":false,"rejectUser":null,"rejectTime":null,"rejectActorType":null},"Revision:revision:65732_1":{"__typename":"Revision","id":"revision:65732_1","lastEditTime":"2024-04-21T21:10:52.000-07:00"},"ForumReplyMessage:message:65743":{"__typename":"ForumReplyMessage","id":"message:65743","conversation":{"__ref":"Conversation:conversation:65732"},"author":{"__ref":"User:user:2797"},"revisionNum":1,"uid":65743,"depth":1,"hasGivenKudo":false,"subscribed":false,"board":{"__ref":"Forum:board:general-newly-diagnosed"},"subject":"Re: Waiting, waiting, waiting + frustration","readOnly":false,"editFrozen":false,"moderationData":{"__ref":"ModerationData:moderation_data:65743"},"parent":{"__ref":"ForumTopicMessage:message:65732"},"body":"I have spent a lot of time these last few months reminding myself to breathe since my diagnosis. It is all a head mess! Definately draw on what you can (this group, supportive trusted friends, clinic nurses etc) to just get your head where it needs to be to get through each day. Some days are better than others....