I'm so appreciative of everyone's suggestions and comments it has quelled the panicky sick feeling I was experiencing. Just hearing other people's experiences has helped immensely. I didn't have a support person today, normally I do, but from now on I will definitely take someone and be better prepared with my questions. I think I was really wanting reassurance and wasn't prepared for the 'clinicalness' of the conversation. But as @Mareealso said I am onto the "oncology" phase in my journey and once I have a plan I will have some direction as I currently feel a bit lost still. virtual hugs to everyone who needs one.