I'm am so scared beyond belief. I'm having my Double Masc tomorrow and lymph nodes as well ..l feel like lm going to go insane and run from the hospital ..l have cried for 2 days of and on ..spoke to BC nurse and friends ..l feel like l will end up in a phys ward or something ...l really dont no how you have all come through this ...please please some hopeful words ...My daughter said that your brain will accept it after it is done ..it the lead up to it and the anxiety ...going flat as can't have reco ..Omg ..will l be ok

@Bowie you have every reason to feel the way you do. I was so panicked and beside myself for weeks leading up to it. I was in constant tears, I felt like I was going mad! That's when I knew I had a problem and so I reached out to a Psychologist that Id seen 3 yrs previously, it was a phone appointment for an hour. I can tell you..something clicked I was still scared of so many things but I made it to the surgery day unscathed. She told me I had attachment to my physical self...understandable right?? its a part of me?? and yet losing that breast for me I felt like I was losing a huge part of myself...but what I realized was its just a piece of me that it doesnt alter who I am in anyway shape or form..I was able to separate myself from it a little more. Bowie, I had the Mastectomy/Diep flap recon 5 weeks ago and I only cried once when I got home from pain, its a big operation. BUT I cannot stress this enough...I never looked back, I couldn't be happier with how I look and how I've recovered. For me...it was knowing I wasn't alone, being loved through it was invaluable. I know you are off tomorrow, so I send you the biggest hug, please believe me that you will absolutely be OK! the Staff will be wonderful but I also urge you once you are home to be in contact with a Psychologist, I know youre not having a recon so honestly it will help in ways that you just couldn't imagine. You will find your peace...because I honestly never thought I would or could and yet here I am...and so will you. Cuddles we're all here supporting. Melinda xo

I didn't sleep at all before my surgery and cried a lot...a lot. I balled my eyes out in the shower the morning of surgery. But. I must say the relief of the cancer being gone was amazing. I was then able to move forward and prepare for the battle ahead of treatment. You will get through this. There will be more tears. But that's okay. Acknowledging your loss is a good thing. Hope all goes well and we will be thinking of you. Kath x

Hi. melclarity lm not sure how or you can send you a private message ,but anyways ..Thankyou ..so much for hope ..l have seen the BC counsiller but did not find her helpful. .l no it is positive thinking ,but it's the waiting waking in the night all wet from the stress ..lm ok for a bit then l just loose it and just want to sleep for 6 mths ...I'm on my own which is not helping ..

I had a right mastectomy with axillary clearance on 2nd Feb. I don't love having one breast, but I regard my scar as a badge of honour, reminding me of my courage and all I have and will go through to beat this disease. I proudly show it off to anyone who wants to see! I was terrified before my surgery too, but I was fine. The pain was minimal, the recovery fine and the wound neat and kind of feminine in a way across my ribs. I would rather have both breasts, but I'm happy enough with my new body that I'm seriously considering no recon.

Bowie up the top near your profile pic and name to the right is a picture of a world which is notifications, the one next to it looks like a drawer click on that then click new message and thats where you put anyones username in to send a message.I was alone for most of it, I had my partner here the night before but that wasnt usual. I think the worst thing is the FEAR, and the thing you have to remember is, thats the worst part because once you actually start the process and are in it, you will find you are more relaxed. You imagine all sorts of things and you particularly imagine how you are going to FEEL...I did all of that pre surgery too it was relentless to the point of nearly a panic attack!! So when you feel it start to rise, do 5 deep long breaths in and exhale, it really works! The other thing is to validate yourself, how you feel, the fear, the worry, anxiety, anger what ever it may be, acknowledge it all as it comes up give yourself a cuddle and say I KNOW! but I am going to be safe and Im going to be ok. Im sorry you didnt find the Counsellor helpful, so definitely need to find someone else, Breast Care Nurses are fantastic too! and I think you'll find you will in hospital. They are beyond beautiful caring human beings who have a way of comforting! I know it seems impossible to be calm right now, but it will wash over you tomorrow, so key to remember that you are going to be OK...very important...x M

Tomorrow is day | BCNA Online Network

37 Replies

Bowie
Member
9 years ago
I got through the lumpectomy ok and that was3 weeks ago . L suppose l was not expecting all this but l am very lucky that the scans and bone scan all came back clear ...it had only spread to the lymph but then all that freaks me out as they are taking them out as well the drain tubes freak me out , yes lm am a nervous person before all of this ..l want to be Joan of arc ..plus l don't heal very quickly ..yes l give myself a hard time but l can't help it ..l no lm luckier than a lot ,,but lm struggling
melclarity
Member
9 years ago
Hang in there Bowie, we are all here, I too spoke to my Mum alot who has also passed and yes it brings tears too for many reasons. Ok out of left field..something I used to do is call in ArchAngel Michael, he's a protector and in my darkest moments Ive called on him to comfort and protect and it helps. x Just keep reassuring yourself that you will be ok, you will get through and once through it you'll be amazed at yourself. x
nikkid
Member
9 years ago
Hey @Bowie...I always tell the anaeasthetist how anxious I'm feeling...and they do a very good job of giving me something that calms me down and puts a smile on my face :). Why don't you try that too! xxxxxx
Bowie
Member
9 years ago
Whoops 11 am in the morning l meant
Bowie
Member
9 years ago
Thanks Nikki...l will be thinking of all you ladies kind words and encouragement ..l no l will prob have some more freak out during the night ..not goin in till 11pm and then op,won't be till the arvo ..a very long long night ..
brightspace
Member
9 years ago
Hi Bowie
I hope the nite goes quickly
It will be better after a few days
Surgery was easy for me not even pain meds after day one
Could you ask for something to help you sleep
..i was asked did i need a calmer.
Big huggs B
Bowie
Member
9 years ago
Hi Molly ..lm not sure but l spoke to my mum who has passed away 10 yrs ago she survived cancer 3 times ..but l,just couldn't stop,crying as thoughts of what she went through bounced me around ..
Molly001
Member
9 years ago
Bowie do you have any spiritual beliefs? Doesn't have to be religious. I found this a great comfort before my surgery. I asked someone important to be with me and it really helped.
nikkid
Member
9 years ago
HI @Bowie - we are all thinking of you for tomorrow and sending you virtual hugs, hopefully you can feel yourself surrounded in our warmth and understanding.

It is hard, losing your breast(s), but you will now be moving into the next phase of your healing and recovery.

I know the most anxiety I have felt is in the lead up to the op(s) and then, as @melclarity says, I feel a sense of calmness and control wash over me on the day. The surgeons, the nurses, all the staff, your family and friends and all of us here only wish the very best for you. You will be looked after by experts.

Take care. You'll be in my thoughts throughout the day. Please let us know how you go Nikki xxxx
Bowie
Member
9 years ago
Thankyou molly oo1 ...lm can fell,your happiness that's fantastic ..lm hope l will be writing some happiness up here soon ..it's such a nightmare at the momement

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