This tuff cookie is crumbling
Hi I am 46 and diagnosed 2 weeks ago with invasive ductal carsonoma and DCIS on a routine mammogram. Met my surgeon on Friday and having surgery this Wednesday. He offered me a mastectomy but said I...
Forum Discussion
Hi @Melc503. How did your surgery go? I hope you're resting comfortably and the pain meds are doing their job.
BC is a cruel mistress who schools us very early on about our illusions of control! I soldiered through two family deaths and tremendous upheaval in the five years prior to my own diagnosis. And when that happened last December it brought this previously tough cookie completely undone. My reserves were spent. It's been comprehensively hard and humbling on a deeply personal level.
From the very first appointment, my diagnosis, every medical professional I spoke to urged me to accept help when they could see how deeply resistant I was to that notion. It was my first lesson. Recognising that it was going to be a problem for me (and knowing all too well from what I'd witnessed over the previous two years that I was going to need help), I knew I had to take a deep breath and consciously accept help when it was offered. And sometimes that was literally what I did. Someone would offer help, the word 'no' would form in my mouth and I would stop, take a breath and say 'yes'.
The other thing I did was reverse the paradigm. If it was my friend who was going through this I would be desperate to help them.
I have not cried in front of my family (husband excepted). My circumstances dictated that it would be best not to (click on my profile for a summary), so I've done a shed load of camo crying in the shower, in doctor's offices, hospitals, and in bed at night. It's truly hard to keep it bottled up, not good for your mental health. Normally I think it's not a bad thing to let your kids see you upset, and there were a couple of times when mine saw some red eyes. Unless there are extenuating circumstances, give it some thought. It's not the end of the world to let your children see you battle adversity and then come through it. It will help them when they're adults facing their own battles.
Anyway, I hope this helps. Let us know how you got on today and who's helping you (or not!) in the weeks to come. K xox
BC is a cruel mistress who schools us very early on about our illusions of control! I soldiered through two family deaths and tremendous upheaval in the five years prior to my own diagnosis. And when that happened last December it brought this previously tough cookie completely undone. My reserves were spent. It's been comprehensively hard and humbling on a deeply personal level.
From the very first appointment, my diagnosis, every medical professional I spoke to urged me to accept help when they could see how deeply resistant I was to that notion. It was my first lesson. Recognising that it was going to be a problem for me (and knowing all too well from what I'd witnessed over the previous two years that I was going to need help), I knew I had to take a deep breath and consciously accept help when it was offered. And sometimes that was literally what I did. Someone would offer help, the word 'no' would form in my mouth and I would stop, take a breath and say 'yes'.
The other thing I did was reverse the paradigm. If it was my friend who was going through this I would be desperate to help them.
I have not cried in front of my family (husband excepted). My circumstances dictated that it would be best not to (click on my profile for a summary), so I've done a shed load of camo crying in the shower, in doctor's offices, hospitals, and in bed at night. It's truly hard to keep it bottled up, not good for your mental health. Normally I think it's not a bad thing to let your kids see you upset, and there were a couple of times when mine saw some red eyes. Unless there are extenuating circumstances, give it some thought. It's not the end of the world to let your children see you battle adversity and then come through it. It will help them when they're adults facing their own battles.
Anyway, I hope this helps. Let us know how you got on today and who's helping you (or not!) in the weeks to come. K xox