Hi @CathyMac. My advice is to stop trying to project your thoughts forward. How you're going to react to having a body part removed is such an unknown. Instead, focus on today, take note of how they feel, take a photo if you want.
Treating yourself is a good thing to do. Today is the one year anniversary of my diagnosis. I have gone out to breakfast with my husband, had a long sit in a café, something I love to do and find soothing, and right now I'm having a pedicure!
If you really wanted to try to change things up, you could try a kind of cognitive behavioural therapy technique. Each time you think about the mastectomy, turn your thoughts around to what you are gaining. Something like 'I am taking control, I am gaining good health'. When you begin a meditation you are supposed to begin it with intention, not just for yourself, but for those around you, so perhaps add, 'I will be here for my loved ones'. Each time you feel overwhelmed by the thought of Thursday, say your mantra to yourself three times, breathing deeply to calm your nervous system.
Keep your eyes on the prize. And if they offer you the drugs, take them!
I'll keep you in my thoughts. K xox