Starting the journey - Waiting

Hi Louise

You sound like an amazing lady already and I love your sense of humour.

I was diagnosed in May with similar uh oh times, although while still on the table for the ultrasound the lovely lady said "I think the doctor would like to do a biopsy if you've nothing better to do" - I won't add my reply!!! Needless to say I stayed a little longer. After 3 failed aspirations of the enlarged node, it was onto the lump - apparently had used maximum local so I agree childbirth and gallstones were a breeze! In fact doctor decided that was not going to risk an actual core biopsy. The results were enough to know it was cancer but no details-8 days till surgeon visit which we left at 5.30pm with a night to decide and ring about lumpectomy or mastectomy!

We got home and my husband rang our three children and parents. I hid for 2 days before talking to friends!!

I went to work the next day and told my immediate manager and several colleagues, one of whom I needed as a repacement for my leadership position. What was really hard was that after that initial rush every anaethetist was off to a conference and my surgery couldn't be for another 2 weeks!! The rest of the work colleagues I told personally in the 2 days before I finished.

The"Supporting a friend or colleague with BC" pamphlet that you can download from here (or a couple come in your My Journey pack) has been great according to my friends and colleagues. You do have that don't you??

Don't know if this has been any help but must admit it was interesting to try remembering those foggy weeks even though they're only a month away!

Take care, Dette xxxx

Dear Louise,

We can all understand the intensity of the emotions you are going through right now.  Hang on to that sense of humour and stay positive (it does help!!). I was diganosed in Sept last year.  Had an appointment for an ultrasound and this wonderful Dr suggested I do a mammogram and a biopsy...and it did not see to worry me - for some odd reason.  Got the results a few days later and when my GP gave us the diagnosis and I saw my husbands face - decided right then and there that I was not going to let this "thing" get the better of me or my family.  Had a lumpectomy - and they found this tiny bit of ca in thesentinel node - so went in again to have the nodes removed.  Had chemo which finished in Jan, RAdiation  completed on the 13th April and am all good and feel normal again - went back to work in March after 3 months off. Time has gone by so fast - am back to zumba again and feeling great with my new curly hair!!!  I know this may sound a bit weird or crazy...but this is the best thing that has happend to me - has helped me take stock and re-evaluate what is important - its Family all the way!! You will find the most beautiful supportive people and you will also find people who find it hard to approach you - everyone is different.  We are so lucky to have so much help and support in Australia - the doctors, nurses and therapists are truly amazing.  Walk through each day one step at a time - and try to lead as normal a life as possible (thats a decision we made as a family) - embrace the good days and accept the not so good days.  Pray - love and Don't let it get to you....no matter what!!  We are all sending you Rainbows of love and support and blessings.  Wiht much love ....Peggy

We are here for you! so don't be afraid to get on here and 'vent'! its ok and we all do it - it is the one refuge that we have!  Good luck darling, our hearts are with you x x x Josie

Josie, if you ran naked down the street I would fall about in hysterics! and probably join you although at this stage I still have hair...boy I am so looking forward to that loss...NOT !!! but hey I always wanted to try scarves and wigs and stuff...maybe I could go blonde this time round.

As for the stupid comments people say, well, I just tend to bite my tongue and smile indulgently at them. I've only been on this roller coaster for a couple of weeks and I'm already over hearing about everybody else who knows someone who had breast cancer and they did this and they did that.....aaarrrrrrrhhhhh. I am truly only interested in you wonderful ladies here and now!  Here we can laugh, cry, vent our frustrations and share each others feelings.

Keep the humour coming, I know, I for one am going to need it in the coming weeks.

Hugs and smiles

xLouisex

Hi Emma

Glad you appreciate the humour, what would we do without it? I too am now relying on my closest family to tell other family members and my partner telling our friends.

I really do hope all is good new on Thursday, I will be thinking of you as I doze off for mine! I will certainly be reading your posts with all fingers crossed. At least I'm not losing them!  lol....I am sitting in my study watching a white parrot through the window. I leave a hanging seed bowl in a tree outside and this parrot appears injured in some way as he/she can't seem to reach the bowl. It is slowly inching it's way closer (it cannot seem to fly but must of arrived somehow) My heart bleeds for it and I will not stop watching until it has reached the food. I somehow feel our illness makes us empathise more?

I know the waiting is agonising, but you WILL get through this week OK, stray strong girl.

Big hugs

xLouisex

I like making people smile (and laugh) if I stripped naked and ran down the street we could all have a giggle - but that wont happen mother's would grab their children and run for cover - men would cringe, but we'd think it was funny! (lol!) x x x 

Hi josie

I just read your reply - you do make me smile - what a breath of fresh air you are. xxxx

Hope you having a good weekend x

Hi Girls - what more can I say except I had a thought this morning - quite peculiar, I wondered 'How did I tell my friends?' - what did I say to them?, and you know what I can't bloody remember!  It was (and still is to some extent) a blur, but remember one important thing - 'baby steps' - the best way to get through the day is one step at a time.  I get frustrated because I don't hear from my kids for awhile (I get so sensitive) and then I get frustrated because everyone wants to know "how are you, whats happening now?" and that seems contrite I know, but really - some days I just want to talk about anything BUT cancer......Someone suggested I join a cancer support group - well, I don't know about you - but I would rather join an art group or anything, so as we get to talk about 'other' stuff - I do all my venting and cancer chat on here - so I have the best of both worlds really, so when someone pats me on the heat (metaphorically) and says ".........and how are you REALLY dear"  I want to jump up and yell "I'm OK! I am OK!"  I usually smile and respond with "Good" and hopefully they will change the subject - after months of surgeries, medical appointments and treatment - one does 'kinda gets over it!' - However, one day a friend rang me and I had to control myself from going into hysterical stitches as she said to me "Now dear, don't let this take over your life!....."  Yeh! that was funny - even hubby turned around and said "Yeh, I wish - all those bloody appointments etc, as if!"  Bless him, I totally agreed but people say the darndest things don't they - and I still sit here with a grin on my face, nodding at the laptop and thinking - "Now dear, don't let this take over your life".........amazing.  I have a sister (who I think has a mental issue - but that's another story) and she has been banging on at me for a few WEEKS saying she 'thinks' she has cancer and they have been 'putting off' the test because of this and that - Well, ladies, we all know they don't 'put off' anything when it comes to cancer...........anyway this sister said "Oh, now we have a competition!" and laughed - (yeh, right, really funny!) I told her to stick her 'competition' where the sun doesn't shine!  You don't blame me do you? - but yes, it's frustrating the things people say - the sad part is, they will keep saying them, they will keep saying stuff that more than raises the (in my case 'hairless') eyebrows.  They know not what they do - just expect it, and my opinion is thus: If you don't like what they say - darn well say so, what can they do to you? You are going through this, and it is much bigger than their stupid flippant silly coments, well meaning or not.  What do you reckon - this site is the only site where I get 'TRUE SUPPORT' x x x Josie

Hi Louise,

I love your sense of humour ;)  It put a nice big smile on my face!  I was also recently diagnosed with BC (you may wish to see my post also) and am feeling exactly as you are feeling - the biggest emotional rollercoaster ever!

I am trying to remain ever positive although can't hide that at times I become an emotional wreck.  I find the nights the hardest when my young girls are in bed and I have lots of time to think (and research).  I am trying to take each day as it comes and not think too far into the future.  I am seeing my Surgeon this coming Thursday who will be able to give me the pathology results from my surgery.  The appt couldn't come quick enough..... the wait is agonising!!

In relation to telling people - I too had lots of questions.  I was able to tell my immediate family and a couple of close friends, however  had my amazing husband tell some other friends and my work and we also asked that these people tell others.  I have found it extremely hard to tell people my news without becoming extremely emotional and I didn't really want the stress.

We have been overwhelmed with the amount of love, support, gifts, meals, babysitting offers, etc we have received in the past 9 days - it truly is unbelievable!! 

Louise, I know we will both get through this.... I will definitely be keeping up with your progress.  We are at very similar stages and although it is awful we are having to deal with this at least we know we are not alone :)

Keep smiling,

Em

x

Hi Josie

Thanks for the support - it seems to me you have a great sense of humour also!!

I did have a quick poke around the internet right after my diagnosis but apart from learning exactly what "Lobular" meant the rest was a blur and I decided to wait and ask my doctor. So that is great advise for everyone.

What is surprising me, is how long it all takes, it seems like months and months, even years of treatment. I am amazed how all you ladies still have your SOH and compassion for others. I sincerely hope that now your chemo  is finished you wil be clear.

Thanks for your thoughts and hugs, very much appreciated. xLouisex