If swearing is the worst you do, you will be doing well. Best wishes for your treatment and yes, there are lots of people on this site who can assist/explain/empathise. The language nearly got me at times (now 4 years post diagnosis and doing well). "Brave battlers" is a particular dislike - most of us worked hard at doing what we were told, keeping our veins viable, and our heads more or less in one place. Not being heroes. One pathologist referred to my 'adventure'. I felt like murdering him at the time (mercifully didn't) but I learned to see his point of view over time. Not all adventures are fun. Many are scary. Some take you places you really don't want to be. But you may look back at them (from a safe place and distance) and say that was horrible, but...........I learned a lot/I was surprised at my own strength/I was touched by the love of others/ and so on. Patience with your treatment and impatience to get on with your life sounds like a good mix to me.