Scared worried and confused

No I haven't 

Have you been given anything to help you sleep @Leilani  Almost an essential in the beginning.

I do have a bcn nurse and my the my journal kit is in the mail so I'm just waiting for that. I rang the 1800number up yesterday and I started to talk to them and they said I can ring them any time and talk some lovely women on here as well. Everyone on here are so wonderful and have some really good ideas and are very helpful I appreciate all the advice I am getting

Thank u so much I try and  keep myself busy everyday but once I am in bed then it is when it hits me the most all I can do is take one day at a time

Your family will just be thankful that the disease has been caught in time and they have you.  They won't care what you look like and if you care, you can consider reconstruction down the track.  As everyone has said, how you choose to deal with the day-to-day is up to you.  My husband took me to the hospital and waited until I went in.  The first time he was there when I got out but I was so disoriented that I didn't remember so I told him not to bother the next time.  As far as friends and social gatherings went, I went into a bit of a hibernation mode during the first month or so and ended up setting up a blog to keep extended family, friends and colleagues informed about what was happening.

Hwy @Leilani.

Welcome to the forum.  You have already had some awesome advice as usual.  Everyone here understands perfectly what you are going through.  The start is just plain awful.  Up one minute and "Yep, I'm going to kick this things butt" and down in a cloudy fog of despair and tears the next.
The waiting is impossible.  

Sometimes, sticking to your routine can be beneficial.  When I was diagnosed we had an incredibly busy end of year.  My twin daughters 18th birthday, sons 21st, step daughters formal and graduation, a weekend down the coast and then christmas.  There were of course some serious ups and downs in amongst all that. 
I continued with all the plans,  Put a BC talk ban on at all the parties and had a fantastic time. I picked jobs to do around the house, just anything to keep my brain distracted from its horrid thoughts.

If my family could see I was ok, they were ok.  I dd all my appointments by myself or with the breast care nurse, that way I didn't have to deal with their emotions as well as my own.

Just remember, there are no rules on how to deal with this.  You have to do what is best for you and the family will get through.

You will feel a little more in control once the plan is in place believe it or not.

Keep talking lovely, one step at a time, one day at a time.

xoxoxoxo

Hi Leilani. Mastectomy surgery is normally not that painful. Your doctors and nurses will make sure you have adequate pain relief. If you don't, make sure you speak up and get it!

I get the not asking for help thing. I was exactly the same. In fact it was the very first piece of advice given to me by my breast surgeon and breast care nurse (by the way have you got one of them yet?). They could see that for me, accepting help was going to be a challenge. It wasn't easy but eventually I got there and of course it made a big difference. People want to be kind and help you through this rough patch. Reverse the position. If it was your friend who was diagnosed with BC, how would you feel if she wouldn't let you help?

I have four kids who all reacted in their own way when I was diagnosed. Keep them informed of where you are in your treatment, what your choices are etc. If you leave blanks they'll fill them in themselves, almost certainly erroneously! BC can't be the only topic of conversation so when they hear you discussing a social function, the footy or whatever it is that gets you chatting, they'll be reassured and settle down as time goes by. I was 19 when my mother was diagnosed (and 32 years later she's alive and kicking!) and I appreciated being kept informed.

Your family will feel relieved when they see you after surgery. Tell them what you'd like them to bring you so they and you have something to focus on.

Have you discussed reconstruction with your surgeon? There are lots of options these days. My mother had a single mastectomy and was never offered reconstruction. I never thought any less or differently or strangely of her. I was just relieved to have her alive and well.

I can tell you that I sobbed for a month solid. I could have won medals crying for Australia! Once treatment was underway the tears slowly dried up. It all becomes routine, you get over the shock, and adjust. You are changed, and that takes some getting used to (I'm still trying!), but you get a better understanding of yourself on a very deep level, and if your experience is anything like mine, you'll feel more loved than you can imagine.

It's totally normal to feel really negative at this stage. It will pass. However if it doesn't, go see a counsellor. It can be invaluable and a great relief to talk to someone outside your everyday life. You could also give the BCNA helpline a call. 1800 500 258. They're wonderful and there's nothing they haven't heard before.

Your family won't look at you differently. Your friends might for a while but eventually they'll go back to normal. It all comes from a place of love, you just have to be open to that.

They won't 'get' it though, and that's where this forum, and support groups, become so important. Everyone here has been where you are and so we understand and empathise. You come on here anytime to ask questions, have a vent or a sob. We get it.

And your family will be fine while you're in hospital for a few days. Do them good to fend for themselves!

Have you got the My Journey Kit? There's some very good bits in there about families. The BCNA publishes a very good pamphlet for partners. I got my husband to read it. Twice. He didn't get it the first time! They're in shock too.

The waiting is the absolute pits. Do what you can to distract yourself (I went for long walks and watched a lot of stupid television!). Try as best as you can to take it one day at a time. Everytime you find yourself thinking about tomorrow or the future, gently bring yourself back to the present. It's easy to say I know, but try not to cross bridges until you come to them. Breathe, be kind to yourself, and hang in there. Big hug, K xox

My hubby will take me to the hospital but he won't stay but he will wait for either the hospital or my daughter to ring him and let him know when I am in the ward. The worse part of it all is how will I feel after the surgery and how my family will feel when they see me

@leilani do what makes you comfortable. I had hubby take me to hospital and stay with me until I went in and then sent him away to await the surgeons call. But that was what suited me and it doesn’t suit everyone. 

I’m pretty independent as well and it has frustrated me that I can’t do all that I’m used to doing

Thank u everyone for the help