Oh dear, @rladdley - SO sorry that you are doing it tough. You've had a lot on your plate & having the surgery so close to Xmas & then the Onc appointment too, throwing a spanner in the works ...... just adds to the general stress of it all.
You can only go with the Onc's recommendations ... you can get a 2nd opinion of course, but chances are, the advice would be the same. :( It is hard to get your head around it all, so I hope you have good family & friends to help support you at this time ....
I didn't 'do' chemo - but I am sure that others that had similar to you will jump on soon & help talk you thru it xx
take care, make haste slowly & get better first xx