Forum Discussion
My Valentines Day Cancer
So My Story so far...
Couple of weeks ago I decided to make an appointment with a new GP to get my Mirena out.
Later that day I happened to put my hand on my chest and noticed a lump. I decided to wait for that appointment and mention it then.
Over the next 2 weeks I occasionally felt it to see if it was still there and did notice I could see a subtile change in contour of the breast but managed to not let it worry me. To be honest I thought it was just hyper vigilance due to my strong family history and just a case of "Medical student disease". I'm a GP. In medical school we are told that at some point in time we will all succumb to Med student disease and we should all have our own GP to deal with it. It describes when a med student (or doctor) reading about some rare condition worries that they have in fact got it themselves.
On Wednesday I attended my appointment. We discussed my Mirena and the reasons I wanted it out, and my GP brought up very valid reasons for keeping it, and we decided to wait to take it out. I mentioned I also wanted my Breast checked, and she wanted my overdue cervical screening done, We started "top to bottom".
She said we should fully investigate the lump, mamo, US FNA, I agreed.
She organised imaging the next morning
then as I went to leave she said "the Mirena is the least of you worries"
My heart sank and I could not get those words out of my head
Next morning my first Mammogram (I'm 44) not as bad as I thought
Then the US, I asked the sonographer how it looked, she said the Radiologist would come and speak to me, and they had a med student with them was that ok, of course.
The Radiologist said it looked suspicious, I looked at the screen, A hypoechogenic spiculated lesion, when it's obvious there is very little doubt.
She said she would rather do cores than FNA then started to consent me. As she described the local I said I was a GP, I've put in local hundreds of times. She said yes but she would treat me the same as everyone else, which was just what I needed, I'm the patient now and she was great. As I lay there as she took the biopsies I thought about the med student, that had been me not so long ago, the fly on the wall as people get bad news. The Radiologist said the Path would be back the next day and that I needed early referral to a surgeon and she would phone and let my GP know.
As I left everyone said good luck, I hated that...it meant I needed it!
I walked to my car with tears in my eyes.
Then I phoned the clinic, my GP was not in for the rest of the week,
then I phone a previous practice I worked at, spoke to the manager, she got me in with one of my colleges that day and he referred me,made the call and I have an appointment Wednesday with the surgeon
I phoned my practice manager and told her I would not be in on Friday, my head was not in a good place to be seeing patients.
Friday I phoned the lab, the results had been reported so I asked them to download them to my work, to a colleague.
I made an appointment with a different doctor at my new clinic. As I walked into his office he said my doc had spoken to him, I told him I was expecting bad news.
he handed me my path form and said, thats what you have
invasive ductal carcinoma grade 2. receptors pending.
He was amazing. I said I wanted the mirena out in case its progesterone positive. He said he hadn't taken one out in about 10 years but how hard could it be, I laughed. He did it so that I would feel more comfortable, despite the fact that waiting a few more days really would not have made any difference, and I appreciated it.
I told him how I was worried about telling my partner, his wife died of Metastatic melanoma in her 30's. Although my prognosis is way better than hers ever was, this waiting has got to bring up issues for him, and I feel so guilty about that. My Doc offered to phone him that night to let him know I will be ok. He will also phone me after I see the surgeon.
The weekend has been hard, I've just been so tired, I have had no motivation to do anything.
Today back at work.
results check, estrogen and progesterone positive, Her negative
4th patient of the day was new to the practice, she had a breast lump.
I was able to focus on her and her needs, took her history, examined her and organised imaging. I got through it in a professional and I hope caring way, but it takes a toll.
Patient in the afternoon came in for review, rescheduled from the Friday I didn't come in. Her eye had settled with the antibiotics I had prescribed, but she was still getting headaches that another doctor had put down to tension (probably correctly). But they are not like her normal migraines and she was concerned. past history of breast cancer, I decided to MRI brain to be safe, acknowledging that this may bring up anxiety for her.
It's been a rough day... guess I here for support
Couple of weeks ago I decided to make an appointment with a new GP to get my Mirena out.
Later that day I happened to put my hand on my chest and noticed a lump. I decided to wait for that appointment and mention it then.
Over the next 2 weeks I occasionally felt it to see if it was still there and did notice I could see a subtile change in contour of the breast but managed to not let it worry me. To be honest I thought it was just hyper vigilance due to my strong family history and just a case of "Medical student disease". I'm a GP. In medical school we are told that at some point in time we will all succumb to Med student disease and we should all have our own GP to deal with it. It describes when a med student (or doctor) reading about some rare condition worries that they have in fact got it themselves.
On Wednesday I attended my appointment. We discussed my Mirena and the reasons I wanted it out, and my GP brought up very valid reasons for keeping it, and we decided to wait to take it out. I mentioned I also wanted my Breast checked, and she wanted my overdue cervical screening done, We started "top to bottom".
She said we should fully investigate the lump, mamo, US FNA, I agreed.
She organised imaging the next morning
then as I went to leave she said "the Mirena is the least of you worries"
My heart sank and I could not get those words out of my head
Next morning my first Mammogram (I'm 44) not as bad as I thought
Then the US, I asked the sonographer how it looked, she said the Radiologist would come and speak to me, and they had a med student with them was that ok, of course.
The Radiologist said it looked suspicious, I looked at the screen, A hypoechogenic spiculated lesion, when it's obvious there is very little doubt.
She said she would rather do cores than FNA then started to consent me. As she described the local I said I was a GP, I've put in local hundreds of times. She said yes but she would treat me the same as everyone else, which was just what I needed, I'm the patient now and she was great. As I lay there as she took the biopsies I thought about the med student, that had been me not so long ago, the fly on the wall as people get bad news. The Radiologist said the Path would be back the next day and that I needed early referral to a surgeon and she would phone and let my GP know.
As I left everyone said good luck, I hated that...it meant I needed it!
I walked to my car with tears in my eyes.
Then I phoned the clinic, my GP was not in for the rest of the week,
then I phone a previous practice I worked at, spoke to the manager, she got me in with one of my colleges that day and he referred me,made the call and I have an appointment Wednesday with the surgeon
I phoned my practice manager and told her I would not be in on Friday, my head was not in a good place to be seeing patients.
Friday I phoned the lab, the results had been reported so I asked them to download them to my work, to a colleague.
I made an appointment with a different doctor at my new clinic. As I walked into his office he said my doc had spoken to him, I told him I was expecting bad news.
he handed me my path form and said, thats what you have
invasive ductal carcinoma grade 2. receptors pending.
He was amazing. I said I wanted the mirena out in case its progesterone positive. He said he hadn't taken one out in about 10 years but how hard could it be, I laughed. He did it so that I would feel more comfortable, despite the fact that waiting a few more days really would not have made any difference, and I appreciated it.
I told him how I was worried about telling my partner, his wife died of Metastatic melanoma in her 30's. Although my prognosis is way better than hers ever was, this waiting has got to bring up issues for him, and I feel so guilty about that. My Doc offered to phone him that night to let him know I will be ok. He will also phone me after I see the surgeon.
The weekend has been hard, I've just been so tired, I have had no motivation to do anything.
Today back at work.
results check, estrogen and progesterone positive, Her negative
4th patient of the day was new to the practice, she had a breast lump.
I was able to focus on her and her needs, took her history, examined her and organised imaging. I got through it in a professional and I hope caring way, but it takes a toll.
Patient in the afternoon came in for review, rescheduled from the Friday I didn't come in. Her eye had settled with the antibiotics I had prescribed, but she was still getting headaches that another doctor had put down to tension (probably correctly). But they are not like her normal migraines and she was concerned. past history of breast cancer, I decided to MRI brain to be safe, acknowledging that this may bring up anxiety for her.
It's been a rough day... guess I here for support
47 Replies
- My GP has been the calm, compassionate centre of my care as well @iserbrown. I didn't understand the role the GP played at all in a BC diagnosis. It's made a difference to me.
- Morning
For me personally my GP has been the most stable influence in this process and has helped me mull through and understand why, as time has gone on, I keep collecting specialists, learning terminology that I had no need for previously and being subjected to all sorts of different scans and tests. Breast Surgeon, Breast care nurse, Medical Oncologist, Gynaecology Oncologist, Neurosurgeon, ...………….does it ever stop!
As we are all aware Breast Cancer doesn't discriminate! No doubt for you your medical, logical brain is trying to take control however it's okay to be that frantic patient who is struggling to get their head around it all!
I note that above a great link has been provided that will help with your step children, here's another couple of links
https://www.bcna.org.au/understanding-breast-cancer/talking-to-family-and-friends/telling-your-children/
https://www.bcna.org.au/understanding-breast-cancer/talking-to-family-and-friends/
https://www.bcna.org.au/understanding-breast-cancer/types-of-breast-cancer/
The BCNA website has a lot of very good information
Best wishes as you work your way through emotionally and physically and as everyone says no question is silly so ask away!
Take care - @Sazbe
BCNA have some information for people with a disability which might make things easier when you need to address your step children....
https://www.bcna.org.au/understanding-breast-cancer/facing-breast-cancer-with-a-disability/ - @Sazbe welcome (unfortunately) to the forum. Great group of people here who provide amazing support. Big hugs xoxo
- @sazbe Welcome to the community. I'm in awe of anyone who can go back to work in the early days after diagnosis. It's such an overwhelming time. You're obviously up on the medical side of things but you may not be aware of how deeply it rocks so many so don't be surprised at the emotional upheaval. I would suggest that you tell the kids what is going on as soon as you can as they will know that something is wrong and may think things are worse than they are (!!!) or think it is to do with them. Mine were 11, 12 & 15 at the time of diagnosis and I had to tell them immediately as the two youngest were in the car as we raced from Breastscreen to my GP who was staying late to wait for us. They have grown up knowing that they never met their auntie, my sister, as she died young from breast cancer so they've always known it is a serious disease. I think that giving them the knowledge of what was going on at each stage (basic and no what-ifs) has enabled them to cope better and to understand and support me. Kids always know when something is going on and secrets can be terrifying. CanTeen have good resources for telling kids of all ages.
It also sounds as if you may find release in writing, given the eloquency of your post. Perhaps consider a journal or blog. I started a blog to keep friends and family informed (so I didn't have to answer questions all the time) and I found it quite cathartic during the year of active treatment. It became as much of journal as information provision and looking back at it, I am amazed at how much I have forgotten and what I was thinking at the time. You won't find it in a search as the settings are private but I provide the address to those who are interested.
I am glad that you have found us as this forum may just be what gets you through treatment in relatively good shape. Everyone here gets it. And so many in the medical community seem to be dismissive of this site which is unfortunate. - Hi @Sazbe, so sorry you've had to join us, welcome to a wonderful community, everyone here has been where you are now, we get you. We understand your fears , we are here to support , the difficult times and the good. I couldn't have got by without this forum. I'm not here often but it has been the one thing that's got me through. I was diagnosed last year , 12 th Feb. Very similar biopsy diagnosis to you. IDC grade 2 ER positive, HER neg, similar size. I had a lumpectomy 21st Feb, but pathology came back as grade 3. This changed my treatment plan, so try and take it a step at a time, but as you're a GP I imagine this will be difficult to do.
i too found Liz O'Riordan's blog very helpful . It is such a difficult time and I remember one of the things that worried me the most was telling my father and telling my two adult children . I look back and remember how scared I was and what a deep learning curve I was embarking on.
Take care, make sure you're good to you during these early days. Spoil yourself, sending you hugs, best wishes. Xxx - @kmakm thank you. I am so glad I found this site. The support is amazing and makes a big difference. This BC shiz is indeed hard.
I saw a breast surgeon in my 30's due to my family history, he recommended yearly mri and US. I did one then busy with med school, single parent at the time. then new relationship pregnancy, never went back. Now here I am and of course another stat in the family in my 40's so I know that hugely increases the risk for my girls which is also a confronting part of the diagnosis.
So I get heartache of knowing your loved ones are also at risk, but having a child ask that question must be gut wrenching, especially when you are going through it yourself.
I also have 2 step kids, they have cerebral palsy and intellectual disability. apparently the didn't really ask any questions when their mother died. however at the beginning of last year my youngest spent several days in hospital with gastro. Ryan asked his dad if she was going to die, I guess that was what his experience was when people went to hospital - @Sazbe I emphasised very heavily that mine had been found very early, unlike their mother's, and that it would all be gone tomorrow. My nephew was particularly comforted by this. He asked me to repeat it several times. My niece is a different kettle of fish. She asked me only a couple of weeks ago if she was going to get cancer. This question comes up every few months. It's heartbreaking.
This isn't where I wanted this chat to go! I'm so sorry. I suppose the point is I'm still here, and so are the kids. It was not easy but we got through, and you will too. One step at a time. K xox - I had big boobs as well! No one could feel my tumour it was so deep. It was picked up in a routine mammogram.
Yes, it is very confronting losing that part of your body. Femininity, motherhood, shape giving, erogenous, sexuality. To the exterior world they are so defining of us, and personally, such a source of so much intimate identity. But we are not our breasts.
I have this opinion that why a diagnosis of BC is often more traumatising than other cancers is because the treatment of it is so often highly visible, and so visibly associated with what is regarded as a fundamental femininity. You can lose parts of your insides to cancer, sections of bowel, your thyroid, but the world does not see or care. You don't see.
None of these thoughts are shallow. I was still menstruating when I was diagnosed at 51 and I deeply resent being slammed into a hard menopause. This BC shiz is hard! On many levels. Don't castigate yourself for any of these thoughts. We all have them. Be gentle with you. K xox - Wow @kmakm can't imagine how tough that must have been, both for the kids and you! I hope the kids are able to understand that while the disease is the same the outcome doesn't need to be.
