Mickey

Hello again Mickey - thank you for sharing your thoughts with us .... i do hope that it has helped you in some way.

Firstly - this is not your fault, nor is it the fault of the cancer, nor is it the fault of the treatment.  You didn't ask for any of this.

It sounds to me as if has been a well thought out and on-going experience your husband has embarked on and his only regret is being caught .  You have only his word that he wouldn't have thought of it or done it 18 months ago (am I right in assuming that's when your health started to deteriate), or that it only started 4 months ago.

All of the regrets, sorrow, declarations of love etc etc are empty words as are the promises that it will never happen again ... he said that and it didn't last long did it.  He betrayed your trust and you have every right to feel the way you do.  Don't dwell on this or "wait for this game to go too far" ... that has already happened.  Make up your mind what you want to do, be decisive and act on that decision. ... you owe yourself that.

One of my pet phrases when I talk about my journey through diagnosis, mastectomy, recovery etc etc is that "I am in charge of my own destiny"  ... I believe that now applies to you.....turn this negative into a positive and make YOU your main priority.

Please stay in touch and let us know how you are getting on ... we are always ready to chat and to listen (figuratively speaking).  i will now proceed to get out the play dough, make a male figure which I will castrate with a rusty, blunt hacksaw blade, coat  in honey and place on the nearest ant bed.... see what a sweet, gentle soul I am .....

Look after yourself and stay strong  

Cheers ... Shirl