Mickey

Hello Mickey and welcome to the online group.  As one of the ladies I recently trained with as a Community Liasion Officer says "We are one big happy family  Can't pick  your family so you are stuck with us"  Not knowing your age or status I can only tell you about my experience.  I  had been in a longterm(8 years) relationship when I was diagnosed at age 50 (just on 4 years ago).  We knew each other pretty well but there were some challenges with the treatment.  I had a couple of lumpectomies, radiation and now on Tamoxifen.  I was working fulltime and so we needed both incomes to survive.  (divorces and raising children on your own take a huge toll on finances)  My partner, feeling absolutely useless grabbed the role of  Major Bread Winner - this allowed me to get on with what I had to decide about treatment without having to deal with his emotions.  After surgery we had so many laughs because intimate settings had to be "arranged" so that my wounds weren't affected.  I felt really well after surgery and was able to be a "wife" for the first time in our relationship.  (cooking meals and being home when his day had finished) Then there was the radiation.  I had to be away from home for 7 weeks.  That was hard on my partner as he had to stay home and do "his job of Bread Winner."  At the end of my radiation I became really ill and quite depressed but we got through it somehow.  The added bonus for me was that I had a wedding to arrange.  My partner proposed to me whilst I was having radiation.(must have been "absence makes the heart grow fonder")  (We got married on the 1st anniversary of my diagnosis).  I have been on Tamoxifen for the past 3.5years and there have been a few hiccups which have meant fairly regular surgery.  Intimacy has always played a huge part in our relationship and there were some issues - most likely to do with the drugs but I wasn't sure - thought it was just me.  My partner was understanding but of course there is always a limit.  I got quite concerned and my Gyne's advice was to use hormone treatment - no good for me as my cancer had been hormone receptive.  I attended the 15th International Breast Cancer Conference in Brisbane in May 2009 and attended a workshop on intimacy.  I was gobsmacked.  What I was experiencing was "normal" factors associated with treatment.  Boy I felt so humble - what about these young women who were experiencing the same as me and there lives still ahead them.  Anyway the workshop was fantastic and it got the conversation going between the attendees.  Each gave their solutions to problems.  I went home well equipped with the names of potions and lotions.  Anyway "things" seemed to right themselves and all is now good again.   What I'm trying to say here is there are lots of things that happen during/after treatment that only those who have experienced them can advise on.  Maybe I am not at the same point as yourself - age, time of treatment, type of treatment but if anything I've said is helpful than I am pleased to assist.  XLeonie   PS  I hope this info wasn't too graphic my 30year old daughters would be horrified!!