My breast cancer was discovered on the 10th of may 2012, and since then I've cried, I've reached out to friend via face book and the feedback has been overwhelming. But to say those words "I have breast cancer" have to be whispered because I don't want to upset my kids. They are all boys 11, 8 and 6. I need to be brave and positive for them and my hubby but I can't sleep, I'm scared and worried about the financial impact. Does anyone else relate?

Hi.. First up it's okay to be scared and cry... we all do... and you don't have to be brave. Once you have been to see your surgeon and get a plan of action things will start to feel better... trust me. It's been just over six weeks since I was diagnosed, I stil cry.. and I still feel anxious but I feel heaps better. You will find this web site amazing. Regardng your kids.. you will be amazed at how resiliant they will be. I have a seven nearly eight year old son. I fed him little bits at a time. I started off telling him that mummy had a lump in her breast that the doctor had to cut out so I would be going to hospital but would be home the next day. Later I told him that the special medicine I had to have would make me sick to start but I would get better. I then told him the medicine would make my hair fall out but it would grow back... maybe curly (we had a laugh) and finally (at another time) I told him the name for my sickness was Breast Cancer... that Cancer was another name for sickness. I told his school and the parents of his friends... the support from them is amazing. He's amazing... he even likes my short hair. Take it one day at a time... go for a walk to clear your head... if you haven't already done so order the 'My Journey kit ' from this web site and ask lots of questions.... Trina

I was diagnosed the day before you. I have 3 girls older than your kids, mine are 11, 13 and 19. The 19 knew from the outset but the younger 2 we had to tell. I have been completely honest with them. They initially were shattered but we all had a good cry and hug together. There is no good way to deal with this but you can't be strong for them 24/7. If they see you trying to be strong they may think they need to be strong as well. They need to know that it's ok to be scared, sad, angry and that all of these emotions are normal. If you allow your feelings to show, it also gives them an opportunity to comfort you. That in itself is good for them. The cancer council has an excellent booklet on talking to kids about cancer and gives guidelines for each age group. It's free and you can either order it online or your local treatment centre might have one. Good luck sweetheart and know that we are all here for you on your journey. Big hugs xxx Dan

Hi Vicki, I was diagnosed with breast cancer last year and had an urgent mastectomy followed by chemo, radiation, Herceptin, and will have oestrogen blockade in the future. I have just had a secondary brain tumour removed and am awaiting results as to whether i need more radiation and chemo etc. Like you I have 3 kids aged 14, 11 and 10. I have found that they have coped and responded better when I have been completely upfront about the cancer. My husband left us and ran away overseas the very day chemo started, and I have had to support the children and myself this last year. It has not been easy, but I have found that by opening up and sharing my experience then friends and family, especially those school friends of my children have responded and been a fantastic support. My 11 year old, came into hospital after my mastectomy and said, "so, how serious is this?" Bless his little heart! Kids can understand a lot more than we give them credit for and they feel insecure if they know you are hiding something from them. My advice to you is to not whisper, but to talk openly to your kids, dont let them just overhear you talk to others. Be direct and honest. My son was also adamant that he didnt want me to get a wig. He said "Mum, everyone knows you are sick, you dont need to get a wig, just be yourself". My daughter was upset that I needed more chemo and said "Mum I dont want you to lose your hair again". I reassured her, that it would grow back again, just it had already done before. My daughter (10yrs) has even initiated her Grade 4 class to run a Biggest Morning Tea tomorrow to raise funds for cancer. The class parents are all donating the food which will be sold to the teachers and pupils in the whole school for recess. What a fantastic community we belong to. As Dan says, the cancer council have excellent resources for children, as do the social workers at your treatment centre. We were also given one for teens, called "What Now". Hang in there, and let others help and support you. Cheers Sonia :-)

I have breast cancer | BCNA Online Network

36 Replies

justtrina
Member
14 years ago
Hi Vicki

Good luck for tomorrow... thinking of you. A hint for tomorrow about those veins... it will be easier for the nurse if you are hydrated... so drink a couple of glasses of water before you go and have another while you're waiting. Secondly... close your eyes, take calming breaths and go to your happy place whilst he/she is doing it.. I find that works all the time. (My son has a bleeding disorder and we have to put medication in his veins three times a week..him being hydrated is the key for us)

take care

Trina
vickifletcher21
Member
14 years ago
Hi guys, I start chemo Monday at 8.45am please pray for me that they find the vein first go, I've had so many bad experiences over the years I'm scared. Just scared of the needles not the weed killer, because I'm looking at the treatment as starting on the road to recovery. Love Vicki xoxo
Tania67
Member
14 years ago
That is awesome Vicki. You'll be getting those cuddles before you know it xx
vickifletcher21
Member
14 years ago
I'm so happy right now my drain has been in since the 24th of may and Friday the out put was still 75ml, tonight it's 40ml. Looks like its coming out Monday baby yeah!
vickifletcher21
Member
14 years ago
Its so cute she stopped crying when you said the doc can make you new boobies. My 6 yr old son was worried when I told him my left boob would be removed, but then he said will they leave the other one. I said yes and then he happily went on with his day. They are so cute at this age. We are all waiting for my drain to come out so all 3 sons and my hubby can cuddle me like before instead of a half hug lol
Tania67
Member
14 years ago
Dan, that is so true! Throughout this whole journey I have had my sad days and I just told my girl that I was sad. She would ask why and I would tell her I was sad because I'm a little bit sick. But dont worry...I'll be ok, I really will. She has a snuggle with me and then on we go with our day. Its actually quiet beautiful to see the loving side to my princess. Its very genuine and cute! You cant help but smile. x
Tania67
Member
14 years ago
Hi Vicki

I have a 4yo daughter and she was my only concern when I was diagnosed (Jan 5 2012). I told her that mummy's boobie had a sore and the dr was going to cut it out. I didn't use the word cancer to her cos I didnt know how to explain that to her!! I had a lumpectomy but didnt get a clear boundary. They found another small cancer so the boob had to come off the following week. I told her that there was another sore so the dr had to take mummy's boobie off. Well, She just cried and cried and I turned to her with a happy voice and said...Honey..its ok, the Doctors will make mummy a new boobie. She instantly stopped crying..looked at me with an amazed look on her face and said...REALLY...can they do that? to which I said yes. Dr's are very clever. That was accepting to her. So long as I was going to get another boobie!! Take a read of my story if you like. 5 months down the track and she is very well adjusted with all of this. I couldn't be more proud of her. At the end of the day, this will hurt our kids, but with the right words, they come through shinning! Good luck with everything. We are all here for you xx
Tania67
Member
14 years ago
Hi Vicki

I have a 4yo daughter and she was my only concern when I was diagnosed (Jan 5 2012). I told her that mummy's boobie had a sore and the dr was going to cut it out. I didn't use the word cancer to her cos I didnt know how to explain that to her!! I had a lumpectomy but didnt get a clear boundary. They found another small cancer so the boob had to come off the following week. I told her that there was another sore so the dr had to take mummy's boobie off. Well, She just cried and cried and I turned to her with a happy voice and said...Honey..its ok, the Doctors will make mummy a new boobie. She instantly stopped crying..looked at me with an amazed look on her face and said...REALLY...can they do that? to which I said yes. Dr's are very clever. That was accepting to her. So long as I was going to get another boobie!! Take a read of my story if you like. 5 months down the track and she is very well adjusted with all of this. I couldn't be more proud of her. At the end of the day, this will hurt our kids, but with the right words, they come through shinning! Good luck with everything. We are all here for you xx
Care
Member
14 years ago
My 10 year old son was given a book call "now what" it came from Canteen and relates to all types of cancers, but is in easy to read language - well worth a look.

My son seemed to mark milestones of progress that I was getting better ie: no longer using the pillow under my arm, my hair growing back, going back to work. I was lucky enough to have a friend house sit while I was away having treatment and that kept everything as normal as possible.

Good luck mate
Care
Member
14 years ago
My 10 year old son was given a book call "now what" it came from Canteen and relates to all types of cancers, but is in easy to read language - well worth a look.

My son seemed to mark milestones of progress that I was getting better ie: no longer using the pillow under my arm, my hair growing back, going back to work. I was lucky enough to have a friend house sit while I was away having treatment and that kept everything as normal as possible.

Good luck mate

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