"I don't have time for BC"
Let me start from the beginning... Fri 13th April 2018, a day after I turned 35 years old. As I was getting ready for work, I felt a strange lump on my right breast and it was painful to touch. Initi...
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@kmakm your post brought me to tears. The shock is starting to settle in. I have been doing my best to not cry or let my emotions get the best of me. I suppose it has to do with my military training - it has been 12 years since I joined. All this is new to me and I like to be in control of my life. But your words, and everyone else, in this short amount of time, has brought comfort - what I am going through is normal.
You are absolutely right, I feel guilty at times - like my BC has burden those around me. I notice the difference in the way people talk to me, how people approach me or how people behave around me. I am very grateful for their support and love. But sometimes, it is a struggle. My mind rides the rollercoaster of emotions and my body is too sore/tired to keep up.
For example, I have been dating a guy since Dec 2017. I found myself feeling guilty at times when our conversations is about BC. Talking about fertility, plans about my on-going treatment etc... I feel like I am forcing decisions we're not meant to have yet, because the relationship is still new. This BC is my illness and my burden. He is trying, in the best way he knows how. But he has his life too. So who am I to ask him to make changes or to drop everything? Wouldn't that be selfish of me to ask him to be by my side? It gets lonely to try and figure things out. But to be honest, who knows if he is in for the long haul. I suppose that is why I have to make decisions for what is best for me.
To your question about "What kind of reconstruction I had?", my surgeon put an implant in after she did the mastectomy. The lymph nodes came back negative, so I don't have to do chemo. Everything was done on the same day.
I will try head space app for meditation. I am not good at slowing down my thoughts, but I will try. I have been seeing a psychologist and physiotherapy.
Thanks again for the time to write your post. I will also read your bio.
Flips :smile:
You are absolutely right, I feel guilty at times - like my BC has burden those around me. I notice the difference in the way people talk to me, how people approach me or how people behave around me. I am very grateful for their support and love. But sometimes, it is a struggle. My mind rides the rollercoaster of emotions and my body is too sore/tired to keep up.
For example, I have been dating a guy since Dec 2017. I found myself feeling guilty at times when our conversations is about BC. Talking about fertility, plans about my on-going treatment etc... I feel like I am forcing decisions we're not meant to have yet, because the relationship is still new. This BC is my illness and my burden. He is trying, in the best way he knows how. But he has his life too. So who am I to ask him to make changes or to drop everything? Wouldn't that be selfish of me to ask him to be by my side? It gets lonely to try and figure things out. But to be honest, who knows if he is in for the long haul. I suppose that is why I have to make decisions for what is best for me.
To your question about "What kind of reconstruction I had?", my surgeon put an implant in after she did the mastectomy. The lymph nodes came back negative, so I don't have to do chemo. Everything was done on the same day.
I will try head space app for meditation. I am not good at slowing down my thoughts, but I will try. I have been seeing a psychologist and physiotherapy.
Thanks again for the time to write your post. I will also read your bio.
Flips :smile: