Freaking out about Mastectomy

Hi Everyone, 

So, My surgery is booked for 27th March, which is next Monday. I had no choice, Right mastectomy. The surgeon suggested   immediate recon with air inflatable tissue expander to be replaced by a silicon implant later on would be best recon option for me at present. They will test sentinel node while I’m under and may take out the lot if sentinel  is positive, I won’t know till I wake up.

 I’m scared of lymphodema as I’m really active and do heaps of gardening, sport  and laboring work. Well not as much lately actually, since I was diagnosed in  January I’ve been a bit emotional and unmotivated.

I was worried everything was taking too long,  but now Im terrified because its happening too fast.

 Has anyone had this surgery in Royal Brisbane & Women and how did it go. Im very scared.

Has anyone had an MRI that gave a false positive? I keep fantasising that they are going to realize its all a mistake, the bright area on my MRI isn’t  DCIS after all, just some harmless change. Even though I’ve had mammogram, ultrasound, and MRI. plus 2 biopsies in the area on 2 different days, by 2 different pathologists  that both came back as high grade DCIS, +  I keep hoping.

What if my breast is gone and then they realize it was a mistake and the area was only small and I could’ve got away with lumpectomy.  It will be too late.

And then I think, what if they find invasive cancer and this surgery that seems to be unnecessary overkill actually saves my life. Because as it stands I have DCIS which isn’t actually an invasive cancer, yet a mastectomy is the only treatment. There’s no answer, it just goes round and round in my brain. They won’t know till the surgery is done.

I have to keep telling myself they don’t have 2 surgeons working on you for 4 hours then keep you in hospital all week for something that isn’t real. If they had any doubts they would do another biopsy. But I still cant quite accept it. Actually Im going quite mad, 

I’m scared of everything. I’m normally so healthy, fit and independent, it’s going to be awful to be so vulnerable both during the surgery and while recovering after. But I'm inspired and encouraged by all you brave ladies that have got through this and still find the strength to support and encourage others. 

I am supposed to be camping over Easter and going to the Byron Bay Blues Festival.  We booked it a year ago and I’m in too much denial to sell the tickets and cancel. Ive read all the books they give you, but I still can’t imagine how I’m going to feel. Pretty sure the festival is a no go though.

I’m not oblivious to the silver linings in my story and I am sorry to rant about trivial concerns, but I haven’t told any of my friends about this, so there’s no one else to rant to.My gorgeous fiancée has been wonderful, taking time out from his work to come to appointments and support me, but he needs a break from it. My sister in Sydney is helpful and good to talk to, but I just don’t feel like talking to her today. I have been to 19 appointments so far repeating things over and over plus running it round and round in my head for the last 2 & ½ months and my treatment hasn’t even started, so I don’t really feel like talking. So glad this forum is here to  get some of this stuff off my……….mind. xx Vicki