Forum Discussion
Feeling like a fraud
Hi Everyone.
I have been newly diagnosed. Everything has happened at light speed. I had a followup ultrasound on the 9th of Feb for another issue that they wanted to check. They found a small lump, did the needle biopsy then and there. Got the result on from my GP on the 13th, saw a breast surgeon on the 14th and had surgery on the 15th. I had a very small grade 2 invasive carcinoma of no special type and my lymph nodes were clear. Doc says I will need radiotherapy and consider hormone therapy. I do have to have another surgery to remove a little more breast tissue as she wasn't happy with the margin on one edge.
I know I have been incredibly lucky that it has been picked up so early and that I won't have to go through having invasive surgery or chemo. Other than that I feel nothing. Everyone else around me seems to be more worried than I am. I don't know if it's because it has be so fast or because my son's partner has been through an awful time with breast cancer (double mastectomy and multiple infections), and comparing myself to her thinking what have I got to complain about.
Has anyone else felt like this.
I have been newly diagnosed. Everything has happened at light speed. I had a followup ultrasound on the 9th of Feb for another issue that they wanted to check. They found a small lump, did the needle biopsy then and there. Got the result on from my GP on the 13th, saw a breast surgeon on the 14th and had surgery on the 15th. I had a very small grade 2 invasive carcinoma of no special type and my lymph nodes were clear. Doc says I will need radiotherapy and consider hormone therapy. I do have to have another surgery to remove a little more breast tissue as she wasn't happy with the margin on one edge.
I know I have been incredibly lucky that it has been picked up so early and that I won't have to go through having invasive surgery or chemo. Other than that I feel nothing. Everyone else around me seems to be more worried than I am. I don't know if it's because it has be so fast or because my son's partner has been through an awful time with breast cancer (double mastectomy and multiple infections), and comparing myself to her thinking what have I got to complain about.
Has anyone else felt like this.
14 Replies
- @Bearyfolk. It is a whirlwind sometimes and a shock and sometimes it takes some time for the emotions to catch up. Not sure if mine have, yet. Diagnosis on 5/12, wide excision on 21/12, mastectomy on 8/1 and heading in this week for my second chemo. As everyone else has said, there's a wide range of emotions and there's no "right" response to this. I've been through shock, tears, disbelief, anger, depression and fear and back again. I will say that after surgery I thought that I felt fine (not sure if I really did, though) so maybe this is it for you. Or maybe down the track it might hit you. If so, lean on those who support you.
Best wishes. - Hi @Bearyfolk. Sorry you're here.
I had an email on a Thursday recalling me to the Breastscreen clinic the following Monday. Back again a week later to receive the diagnosis (4/12/17). Hookwire insertion, sentinel node biopsy and wide local excision (lumpectomy) the next day. Bam. Not clear margins so a week later a re-excision. It was a whirlwind that impacted me greatly and the speed from which I think I am still recovering.
My prognosis is good, where so many people's are not. However I am struggling emotionally. Which then makes me feel guilty. It's a vicious circle compounded by my sister's death from this wretched scourge in 2016. I feel like I have some sort of survivors guilt.
I suppose what I'm trying to say is that we all have our own emotions, there are no 'wrong' ones, and that sometimes the absence of emotion can be your brain's way of protecting you from the whirlwind.
My first, only and overwhelming emotion was intense anger. That gave way to tremendous sadness (SO many tears). The tears have mostly dried and now I'm just miserable most of the time. I'm looking forward to the day when something (hopefully better) replaces miserable. You will probably find that you'll experience a range of emotions as time goes on.
Or you could be someone who takes it in their stride and just gets on with it! There's no right or wrong, despite those nagging voices in our heads, just be you. Best wishes. - @Bearyfolk
I know exactly how you feel and have expressed that same sentiment .... mine went pretty fast & furious as well - 12 days from diagnosis to surgery - but yours certainly WAS lightening fast!!
Yes - everyone around you sort of expects to see you looking and acting 'ill'!! But like me - you wouldn't have 'looked ill', you wouldn't have 'felt ill' ...... cos most people only remember the bad days when a lot of BC sufferers didn't make it. You had a 'condition' that has been removed, so all's good ... (not unlike having a baby - once it is born, you aren't pregnant any more .....)
With modern surgery & with it being picked up so much earlier - there is a much better likelihood of a good outcome and you were lucky to be able to get operated on so quickly.
We really are the lucky ones - compared to those having the same surgery even 10+ years ago. I hope your radiation etc goes well too. Mine starts on Wed. Then I have to decide whether to go on the tablets or not, like you.
In a matter of weeks or months - it will all seem like a bad dream.
All the best for your further treatment. xx - HI Bearyfolk yes there are some ladies who feel like you do.... BUT you have had a diagnosis and that is enough for anyone. You might find that once the next surgery is over you will have had a bit more time to react to the diagnosis....
I am sure others who have felt like this will respond to you.
Sorry that you have been diagnosed with BC
Soldiercrab
