Like many others, here I am joining this not-so-sought-after club- and feeling very much like a tiny inflatable boat in a stormy sea.I‘be just been diagnosed this week, although the process has been a bit back to front due to how busy things are during COVID. It feels like everything is happening all at once. Every day this week my understanding of my situation has radically changed. My brain is struggling to comprehend.What I know so far is that it is 99.9% likely that I have inflammatory breast cancer. Even before the biopsy the doctor was prepping me for the likelihood of chemo starting next week (🙀👎💩). But now, having received my FNA and core biopsy, the appointment has been moved up to tomorrow. Understandably I am freaking the @&$! out!My rational brain knows this is “bad but good”. Bad news, but good to have modern medicine, urgent care, to know this is happening in my body.I’m struggling to keep up with the pace of things, let alone telling people in my world AND figuring out what to do as a self-employed business owner.Finally I come to my question: for those of you who have been in this “new diagnosis shock” stage, what are the things you think can wait, and what are the things a person should focus on at this time? Eg/ should I be worrying about my business right now? How much should I let everything fall apart?Well, that turned into an essay-length vomit of all my feelings but having read other posts, I know I’m not alone in this weird state of diagnosis mind!!!(Thank you to all the posters on this site for your generosity in sharing your painful experiences, searching the threads has been really useful and helped me to gain a little more perspective with everything I read).

Dear RiotAtMidnight,Yes there is a lot to think about with this type of diagnosis.You could wait for a full plan of treatment and full diagnosis.Do you have a Stage and Grade for your cancer?Being a self-employed business owner, probably does put some pressure on you to make plans.You will have noticed that some of our treatments are similar, but each of our experiences can be very variable.Some people are able to work throughout, with minimal time off. Others are quite incapacitated. No way to predict.Not knowing the type of business you have, do you employ many people, or can you be replaced for odd days, or even a short stay in hospital?You may need to hire or increase hours for some staff, to cope with your potential absences.Do you have any insurances to help or fall back on? Eg Trauma/Crisis Insurance or Income Protection.I've only spoken of physical/practical things, you've yet to know how you will cope emotionally. My story is in my profile, just click on my name to open it.I truly wish you well with your treatments. Make lists of questions, for your Doctors. Have phone numbers ready if you need them, especially during Chemo.Keep in touch if you want. There is plenty more advice, amongst us ladies.

Thank you @gumnut for your wishes, and @Blossom1961 for sharing your experience. I’m so sorry that you lost your business. I can’t imagine how distressing that was. I’ve started jotting some thoughts down about the business and keeping it running. I’ve started telling some colleagues and the love and generosity and offers of help have been very affirming. I have one staff member who literally started this week and I had to tell him on day two about what’s going on. He has been incredible.I received my full diagnosis this morning and strangely I feel relieved, even though it can’t exactly be classified as good news. I have Stage 3, Grade 3 invasive carcinoma (inflammatory breast cancer) that is HER2+.So it looks like I get the burger with the lot 😂. Chemo likely to start Monday for 6 months, along with the two HER2+ drugs for 12 months. Mastectomy and full lymph node removal on that side, and then some radiation. Things to be grateful for: noticing a sudden and dramatic change in my body; an attentive GP; to be born in 2021 in Australia; to have some savings in the bank; and to have the love and support of people around me. I know many people have much less, and I hope to do my part in supporting those less fortunate.

You sound like you have the right mindset @RiotAtMidnight. I hope your strength continues to stay with you, and your burger with the lot helps you bugger off this bastard disease for good 🍔💪🏻💪🏻. Good luck with everything. Ask here of you need anything 🍀♥️

@RiotAtMidnight i too always put others first my whole life but cancer has made me look deep and change and it is really for the better and it takes practice but practice makes perfect. Think of it this way... we have a bucket of giveness but if the bucket is empty because we don't care for ourselves then we can't give from an empty bucket. So keep your bucket full by filling it with all your needs first and only give from a full bucket. 😆🌷

@RiotAtMidnight A psychologist in your armoury is a good idea and if you can’t do a bit of introspection at this time, when can you? A very good counsellor introduced me to the idea of building energy when I was about six months into treatment. Expending energy? Sure! But building it? I had noidea. I am sure most are better at it than I was but the resulting change made a big difference. You can’t take money out of the bank if it’s not there in the first place.

A tiny inflatable boat in a huge storm

T_sun42
Member
5 years ago
Loving the positive mindset and humour 🙏 you got this! 🙌💪💅
RiotAtMidnight
Member
5 years ago
@Lotringer have you connected with the IBC Foundation? They have a small but active private Facebook group for Australian women with IBC. I only came across it yesterday but it seems a really current, active group with lots of great info about best practice treatment protocols for IBC. If you can’t find a link let me know and I can send.
Lotringer
Member
5 years ago
Hi @RiotAtMidnight!
I’m a fellow IBC-er so can definitely relate to the sudden rush of tests and treatment plans around diagnosis! Luckily my workplace (a small family business) was super helpful with basically letting me drop everything for a while, and I had my Mum come live with me. While I’m normally fiercely independent (some would say stubborn!), just having someone else there who organised all the meals, grocery shopping, vacuuming etc gave me a lot more headspace to process what was happening. Mum’s sister also stayed for a bit, to help out and also support Mum. Don’t be afraid to call in the troops (family or friends) to help make your life easier and simpler :)
SK8
Member
5 years ago
You're amazing. It'll all work out and it's normal what you're feeling. Once you start treatment you'll see how you'll feel and can make more decisions from there. Just stock up on food and frozen meals and Netflix.
Caz1
Member
5 years ago
Hi @RiotAtMidnight I love your name! Too funny!

I’m someone who had her “recon -at - the -same- time - as -surgery plans “thrown out the window due to STUPID covid but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise despite being annoying at the time. I’m totally rethinking what I want to do re surgery. What I’m trying not very well to say is try not to rush into decision making for non urgent things. Your head spins at diagnosis and it’s hard to process everything at once.

Big hugs
Caz xxx
Locksley
Member
5 years ago
@RiotAtMidnight all the ladies above have so much wisdom to share. I know I could not have got through the past 10 months without this fabulous online forum. I would have been crumpled in a corner unable to move! To have someone I havent met before send kind words of encouragement and even just a hello how are you has been incredible.

I want to send a big hug you all. After 2 surgeries, 6 months of chemo, emergency stay in hospital I have today finished 5 weeks of daily radiation. The roller coaster of emotions has been huge. I am booked to see my counsellor next week as I have finished "active treatment today" so many other issues, worries etc just bubbled over and I am an anxious mess.

I have also learnt some valuable lessons along the way and I now try to put myself first a tiny bit without having guilt attached to it. I have also learnt to accept the help that family and friends and even strangers offer if it is what I need. That it's not a sign of weakness. Sending you Hugs xxx
FLClover
Member
5 years ago
@RiotAtMidnight what fantastic advice from the ladies above! 👏🏻. I see a common trend in these posts. We all have difficulty giving to ourselves first, if at all. There seems to be some shame or guilt in dedicating time and attention to ourselves. It’s almost unthinkable. And here we are, writing in a bc forum.
I think learning this new skill of self care and self love is pretty vital. As it was said, we can’t give if we don’t have. And it is def the perfect time to start unloading on a psychologist or counsellor. Mine helped me more than I could imagine, and I’m pretty sure you’ll find it very helpful too.
You’re doing well 😊♥️
Afraser
Member
5 years ago
@RiotAtMidnight
A psychologist in your armoury is a good idea and if you can’t do a bit of introspection at this time, when can you? A very good counsellor introduced me to the idea of building energy when I was about six months into treatment. Expending energy? Sure! But building it? I had no
idea. I am sure most are better at it than I was but the resulting change made a big difference. You can’t take money out of the bank if it’s not there in the first place.
Cath62
Member
5 years ago
@RiotAtMidnight i too always put others first my whole life but cancer has made me look deep and change and it is really for the better and it takes practice but practice makes perfect. Think of it this way... we have a bucket of giveness but if the bucket is empty because we don't care for ourselves then we can't give from an empty bucket. So keep your bucket full by filling it with all your needs first and only give from a full bucket. 😆🌷
RiotAtMidnight
Member
5 years ago
@@Cath62 My username comes from this brilliant Twitter post from a few years ago. 😂