Forum Discussion
......And, we're back
Hi friends,
I was involved in the BCNA online discussion five years ago when I was diagnosed with DCIS. It helped me immeasurably, it was also just helpful to write down my thoughts and fears and have others respond. I was 38 at the time with 2 small boys and one baby girl. A harrowing time post mastectomy and navigating reconstruction with parenthood and work as a clinical psychologist.
In October just gone, I noticed a lump under my mastectomy scar tissue. I worried for a moment and then convinced myself it was just scar tissue. Then in December I had my yearly MRI/US/Mammo and lo and behold, I have cancer again. This time it is invasive. I feel so ripped off. So, I'm back here to say hello, that although I sound a bit cross, I have been relatively calm as I go from one appointment to the next. I am probably catastrophising a lot less this time. My PET scan suggested no evidence of it anywhere else however there was some activity on my ovaries (which have been suggested to be cysts) that are being investigated next week. I have had a lumpectomy last week. My surgeon reported he achieved clear margins however he is discussing with his team today about whether the margins are clear enough to not warrant further surgery. Further surgery means complete deconstruction of that breast again and this time a reconstruction would be complex because I would have no skin left. So, looking forward I am staring into 2020 with potential further surgeries, discussion about whether to remove the other breast, possible oophorectomy, radiation and hormone treatment and whatever else I might require. Hmmm, not what we had in mind for 2020. I'm not sure what I need. Perhaps a reminder that I can do this over again. It feels hard second time around, and scary because we thought we had it sorted. I am not sure if the landscape is even darker through a cancer lens but I look at the state of the world and for the first time in my life I'm really worried for my kids' future. While I am a professional who works in the mental health field and am pretty stable most of the time, I feel low and particularly uncertain about things ahead. Its not a good feeling. If anyone is reading this and has lost a loved one in the fires, or lost their property/business/livelihoods I send love and best wishes for recovery.
Thanks for reading
xx
I was involved in the BCNA online discussion five years ago when I was diagnosed with DCIS. It helped me immeasurably, it was also just helpful to write down my thoughts and fears and have others respond. I was 38 at the time with 2 small boys and one baby girl. A harrowing time post mastectomy and navigating reconstruction with parenthood and work as a clinical psychologist.
In October just gone, I noticed a lump under my mastectomy scar tissue. I worried for a moment and then convinced myself it was just scar tissue. Then in December I had my yearly MRI/US/Mammo and lo and behold, I have cancer again. This time it is invasive. I feel so ripped off. So, I'm back here to say hello, that although I sound a bit cross, I have been relatively calm as I go from one appointment to the next. I am probably catastrophising a lot less this time. My PET scan suggested no evidence of it anywhere else however there was some activity on my ovaries (which have been suggested to be cysts) that are being investigated next week. I have had a lumpectomy last week. My surgeon reported he achieved clear margins however he is discussing with his team today about whether the margins are clear enough to not warrant further surgery. Further surgery means complete deconstruction of that breast again and this time a reconstruction would be complex because I would have no skin left. So, looking forward I am staring into 2020 with potential further surgeries, discussion about whether to remove the other breast, possible oophorectomy, radiation and hormone treatment and whatever else I might require. Hmmm, not what we had in mind for 2020. I'm not sure what I need. Perhaps a reminder that I can do this over again. It feels hard second time around, and scary because we thought we had it sorted. I am not sure if the landscape is even darker through a cancer lens but I look at the state of the world and for the first time in my life I'm really worried for my kids' future. While I am a professional who works in the mental health field and am pretty stable most of the time, I feel low and particularly uncertain about things ahead. Its not a good feeling. If anyone is reading this and has lost a loved one in the fires, or lost their property/business/livelihoods I send love and best wishes for recovery.
Thanks for reading
xx
35 Replies
- Hi Again! Don't forget to eat up all that soul food.. like music, nature walks, time with close friends and whatever else helps you feel good. I'm sure these things have been a big part of helping me get this far. Your post doesn't leave me feeling anxious so much as serves as a reminder to get back to doing these things. Too easy to return to the bad old habits of stress and bad head space. I'll keep thinking of you as you face that wall of treatment and hope that the support around you makes it just that little bit less difficult to get over. Fiona xx
- hi @eightdays, I’m so glad that you are your way with the radiotherapy. Surely there have been advances in RT and there will continue to be. But most of all I send you strength and love to take each day as it comes ...and nail it! Lots love Tinks Xx
- Dear @Fiona2, thank you for your lovely message and that is awesome news that you have been in remission for 3 years. I wish cancer didn’t bring with it the anxiety of it possibly returning. It would be good if it were like chicken pox and that once you’ve had it, you’re unlikely to ever encounter it again! I think you are right though that treatments just get better and once you have already been through it once, it’s highly likely That if you are unlucky enough to get it again, it will be picked up early so that treatment will be effective again. My situation is apparently not common so I hope that you do not have too much anxiety when reading a post like mine. I too feel lucky that the treatment path is relatively straight forward again and I do not have to endure chemotherapy like some do. Wishing you all the very best - xx
- Hey Eight Days, you have my love and sympathy. I really feel for you as it is the sort of scenario that I try to not think about as I step along through remission (3 years now), trying to get on with living my life and daring to hope that all this stuff is behind me... yet knowing, that like you, this set back could happen and ambush at any time. You got through it before. The treatments have maybe even advanced a bit since you were last in this space so there is always hope, for you and your beautiful boys and daughter. But what shitty news. It must be very tough!
Loving thoughts and vibes, Fiona xx - Thanks @"Beryl C." I will definitely go for the oncology pack! Ha, that is a very funny experience! I got Aretha Franklin yesterday which was nice!
- Hi @eightdays - one down ..... I felt relieved when we finally got underway and I was lucky to need only 15 'zaps' for a local recurrence. I had one quite bizarre session, after being 'organised' on the 'bed' and reassuring myself that I would survive and walk out (I found every session a bit daunting) instead of the usual musac ACDC's 'Highway to Hell' burst forth. It was just the best moment and I still chuckle over it. Wish I could draw cartoons. ps, I did get tired but I wonder how much of that is psychological, doesn't really matter, I made a sensible decision not to push through the fatigue and rested when I felt the need. ps, The Moo Goo Oncology Pack (order on-line) was a nice gift to self. Moo Good Udder Cream is now my daily moisturiser. Take it easy with hugs.
- Awwwww loved that hug, thanks @cranky_granny - so lovely. Thanks too @Tinks and @kmakm for your messages.
1 treatment down, 29 to go!! - Hi @eightdays It is always harder to see through the fog but I’m glad things are clearer for you now
- That sounds like a good outcome for you at this stage @eightdays. Hooray! K xox
- Thanks! You can get it easily online and if you see the Chemo pack it’s the best value and has a fab pair of socks too! My aunt put me into it she had gastric cancer already spread to liver at diagnosis and just got her 5 year all clear. That’s after she was given only months to live. Xx
