Three years on...
It's been a while since I have been to this site. Had my three year diagnosis anniversary on the 10th December,2013. It was a busy day at work so the day just came and went. I had my private thougths about the day but didn't talk to anyone about it. I usually make a celebratory donation to the cancer council- haven't done that yet, must remember to. So have I exercised? I joined a gym earlier in the year. Started well but then work got in the way, only getting there on the weekends so the guilt got to me and I stopped. Must walk- haven't. Just can't get the motivation to do so. Have had some long days at work, leaving at 6.30 many nights, usual 10-12 hour day. I know that's not good but I won't take work home. Had realisation a few weeks ago that I am now content at work- know my job and like it. Just need to work on those hours. Depression is under control and seem to be over my anxiety. Oh, didn't mention that. In my second year I had very sad moments, crying at puppies on toilet paper ads, thought I couldn't cope at work. Cried alot. People at work could see the difference and kept asking if I was OK. I wasn't. My doc told me I had chemically induced depression from the chemo and other drugs. No stigma- it happens even to very together people like me! Got help and drugs, all back on track but it made some parts of my work very difficult, especially dealing with people and public speaking. With the help of my close work colleagues I managed to get through it. What did I learn from that- don't suffer in silence, tell your close friends/ colleagues and they wil help you. It has been a long haul but I think I'm through the worst of it. Funny how the little things catch up with you. Everyone thinks you are better when the chemo stops and the hair starts to grow back. There are so many little things that have changed in me. Discomfort from the mastectomy and reconstruction, sore weak joints, tingly feet and hands, feel like an old woman some days, hair still looks like a gollywog. Have put on weight, about 4.5 kgs, feel fat - could be the medications but probably my laziness and too many charrdys. My state of mind is very different too, for the better I reckon- no longer worry about what others think, what I think matters. Doesn't hurt to be nice to people- what can I do that might make a little difference in someones life today. Helps me in the work that I do with kids and their parents. My colleagues may not always see it my way but thats no biggy to me. I confront bulls**t better now too. If I don't like it I'll have a conversation with that person, whereas before I would have suffered in silence and stewed over it. I have continued seeing my BC ladies group. They are lovely. We had our Xmas lunch yesterday- lots of fun. Its nice to be with people who have been through a similar experience. I recommend joining a group. I started with these gals just as my hair started to fall out and they have been great. I don't get to all of the get togethers due to work but they understand that and chastise me sometimes about how many hours I spend doing my job. Need grounded gals like this around me. But we have fun and laugh alot when we meet up. So thats me three years on, where I am at now. I need to work on my fitness, need some motivation there. Need to get work/ life balance under better control. I'll work on that. Looking forward to a good 2014. Cheers...L
