What is going on with my mood? I feel like a crazy, miserable cow.... Can we blame others for our meltdowns or is it all about our own choice on how we deal with things? So, over the past 6 months......first, cancer diagnosis, 2 days later my beautiful Mum passed away! Had Mums funeral & my mastectomy in the same week. Have just completed chemo & now on Tamoxifen......balancing my grief and and trying to deal with bc has been challenging and I am missing her more now than ever! As well as this I am struggling with my expectations of others. And try as I might I can't seem to shrug off bad manners & disrespect! I accept & appreciate there are some people who find it hard to talk or deal with us who are going through a cancer diagnosis....however, I have been so upset this weekend with a couple of instances where family/friends I have come across but not seen prior to 6 months ago did not acknowledge me or just ask "How are you going?" As well, it seems that once chemo is finished people expect you to be back to the way you were before having to stare mortality in the eye! I guess only those who are part of the club would understand we will all be living a new normal....which means constant worry, loss of femininity, early menopause & heaps more! Thank goodness for this fab website where we can rant, rave & let off steam....and know we are not alone! Hoping my negativity will be replaced with positive thoughts soon.... Note to self: Live in the present....!

You have every right to rant. Losing a parent is really tough, let alone having to deal with a diagnosis at the same time. As for other people, I think it is our society - they don't know what to say so they say nothing without realising how that hurts. Isn't a side effect of tamoxifen mood swings? I've heard of a few people really struggle taking it. But give yourself some credit - you've been through two major life changing events. There will be an end to it and it looks like you've got the support of a beautiful little girl. My girls are 15 and 12 and gosh i hope they don't have to go through it. Be proud of yourself and you rant any time you want *^_^*

You have been through a tough time all round. Finding our new normal is difficult. I'm not through all my treatment yet but my mind sometimes wonders what life will be like after. I'm not sure if it's our choice on how to deal with things, i think it might be a mixture of other people as well. Hope you do get your positive thoughts back, i'm sure you will, take care, Hazel xx

I know exactly what you are talking about.Physically I am feeling pretty great.Yes I have hot flushes,but I was having those before,so they are nothing new for me:( The emotional stuff,I can relate to Jen.When I was diagnosed,we had 2 gorgeous little children living with us.They had been with us for 10 months.Because of my diagnosis,and the uncertainty of what lay ahead,they were transitioned to a new family very quickly.On the day we took them to their new family,(4 days before my mastectomy) I just gave them a brief hug,and walked away.Usually I would be breaking my heart,and I was amazed at my own self control.I realise now though,that it was my body's way of helping me cope at such a stressful time.It is only now(6 months this week) after diagnosis,surgery and chemo,that I am starting to miss them,and I think about them a lot.I get teary when I remember them ,and wish I could have one more little hug.I think I am feeling like this,because now I can finally let go a bit,as I am 'on the mend' so to speak.My husband says I am crankier than before,or quick to get annoyed at things,and I know he is right.Thank goodness he is patient!! Tamoxifen for me ,is fine,but who knows if it contributes to our moods a lot Jen.Do you mind if I suggest,that perhaps now,after treatment is over,you really need to spend proper time,grieving for your Mum.Not easy when you have a family to care for day to day,and as you said,people that assume you are totally back to normal!It will take time Jen,and for you,it will take longer,because you had more than most of us to deal with,at the time of your diagnosis and treatment.Sending you a big smile,and a gentle hug!!:) Robyn xoxo. P.S.Stay on this network Jen,if you have time. I find it very helpful,and it only takes a few minutes out of my day ,to check it,and see if there is some one that maybe I can help,or perhaps get some reassuring information for myself,from people ahead of me in their journey.It is VERY healing to have somewhere that you can offload your feelings ,and know that you won't be judged.Only people that have been through the same thing,can truly understand the complexities of this .xox

I too find that everyone thiks that treatment is over and I am back to normal. I get exhausted, I am back working full time and sometimes just trying to get through each day is a challange but these are things that we keep to ourselves. My step daughter who I had always believed I had a good relationship with stayed away throughout my whole year of surgeries and treatments, I was so hurt, she has not once since asked me how I am. I know some people struggle with illness but thats a copout, she wasn;t even supportive of her father through that time. I agree its just plain rude! Anyway my answer to this is now that they have to live with their actions, I have moved on, I acknowledge them but I no longer put myself out for them either. The drugs do play havoc with our systems, be a little kind to yourself and accept that its going to take sometime. Sending hugs Donna

I think the other ladies have given you excellent advice. Most of us have an emotional time at the end of treatment and losing your Mum at this time in your life must have been so traumatic. We all tend to do just what needs to be done during treatment but when it finishes the emotional part catches up. While you are going through treatment there are the obvious physical differences that lead to people treating you differently (some do this well and others don't). Afterwards people are not so aware of what has happened and you don't get so much of the heart-touching kindness of virtual strangers to make up for the bad or non-reactions of those who we expect more of. It is a time of adjustment after the crisis we have been through. It takes time and sometimes a bit of help to get through it. Don't expect too much of yourself and give yourself time to grieve for your Mum and yourself. Keep in touch. Deanne xxxxoooo

Super sensitive! | BCNA Online Network

28 Replies

nicole_h
Member
12 years ago
Thank you everyone for words of advice and support. I'm feeling a bit better tonight. Maybe just venting on paper helped. I'll try to focus on me and not all the things bugging me.
TonyaM
Member
12 years ago
My mum died in May and I had been in " nurse" mode looking after her( my way of coping).Then I arranged her funeral and after that,consoled her friends and relatives. Mum didn't want anyone to know she was dying of cancer and she didn't want anyone at her funeral,just her children and 2 grandchildren.So there were a lot of upset people afterwards and I have only just started grieving now for mum.I think it hits you down the track when you can stop,breathe and process it.No doubt,you had the bc battle to contend with when your dear mum died.What a terrible time you've had this year.I feel a connection with you Jen because we've both lost our mums this year.I get abit teary- never know when,but that's normal. It took me about 2 years on from bc to get some confidence back in my health.Some people expect you to move on and get over it.I've had someone ask me why am I running a bc support group and staying with BCNA- don't I want to forget about breast cancer now.My close friends would never say that. Thinking of you and sending hugs,Tonya xx
TonyaM
Member
12 years ago
If my husband snores too much,I go sleep in the spare bed.You are just starting this crap journey and will need lots of support- physically and emotionally.Some men are more helpful when it's spelt out to them-they can't always read our minds.My world came crashing down when I broke my ankle and couldn't get downstairs with a heavy plaster on.I hated losing control of the house but had no choice.I had to let standards go and I had to delegate, write lists,instructions etc.My husband and 2 girls were quite capable but needed reminding-they didn't think to do things automatically.Put yourself first now and come here to vent or get support from your pink sisters. Big hug,Tonya xx
Bearteggie
Member
12 years ago
So sorry Nicole to hear that you feel that people around you and especially your husband aren't recognizing you have to come first right now. My husband who snores a lot recognized the importance of my sleep and he has since my diagnosis in November 2013 slept on the lounge. Do you have a spare bed in your house that you could sleep in. That your not getting quality sleep is a concern that I would try to rectify before anything else.

In the early days of my journey I didn't handle arguments with my husband and felt resentful that he didn't understand exactly what I was going through but over time I realised that no one really understands unless they are experiencing the same thing and that it is up to me to make sure my needs are met. That includes reducing my stress.

I now choose my battles and also choose how I will respond to any disappointments or insensitive behaviour from those closest too me. Mostly I just let those resentful feelings float away. It take practice, but I am more concerned about my health than trying to explain to people that they are being insensitive or selfish. It takes too much energy.

I am sure things will settle down for you as time goes by. It is very early days and no one really knows how to respond to each other in the beginning.

Big cyber hugs to you and I will you all the best with your treatments.

Joy xx
Hazel_M
Member
12 years ago
I have been on my hormone treatment for about 1 month now and the only noticable side effect seems to be crankiness. My partner would tell you he sees no difference! I am starting to chill out more now thankfully. This is definitely the time for you to come first, it takes a lot of mental as well as physical strength to travel this 'journey'. I'm no expert but I would worry about what you need and deal with him when this is all over. Communication is the key, have you tried to sit down with the family and tell them how you are feeling? You will need their support throughout this, there's no doubt. Hope your hubbie comes to terms with your needs. It should be all about you at the moment, take care,

Hazel xx
Hazel_M
Member
12 years ago
I have been on my hormone treatment for about 1 month now and the only noticable side effect seems to be crankiness. My partner would tell you he sees no difference! I am starting to chill out more now thankfully. This is definitely the time for you to come first, it takes a lot of mental as well as physical strength to travel this 'journey'. I'm no expert but I would worry about what you need and deal with him when this is all over. Communication is the key, have you tried to sit down with the family and tell them how you are feeling? You will need their support throughout this, there's no doubt. Hope your hubbie comes to terms with your needs. It should be all about you at the moment, take care,

Hazel xx
nicole_h
Member
12 years ago
Just reading some old posts on mood swings whilst I'm muttering under my breath what I'd really like to say to some people. Thought about venting on paper but someone may find it. So I'm going to vent here if you dont mind. My home over 26 years of marriage to an old fashioned farmer has consisted of putting myself 2nd then (after 3 kids) 3rd, 4th, 5th etc. Now that I am putting myself first my house doesn't work. But it's my husband that I resent. He is still not being thoughtful, nor helpful, and it's still all about him. In fact nothing he says or does helps and I feel I'd be doing better without him at least I'd be able to sleep as he snores 24/7 & gets very aggressive if I wake him to shut him up. Should I grin and bear all this? Or should I just worry about what I need and deal with him when this is all over? Keep in mind I'm just starting my journey - chemo first then op 1,2 or 3 then radiation then oral chemo. Lost for how to deal with these feelings. HELP.....
nicole_h
Member
12 years ago
Just reading some old posts on mood swings whilst I'm muttering under my breath what I'd really like to say to some people. Thought about venting on paper but someone may find it. So I'm going to vent here if you dont mind. My home over 26 years of marriage to an old fashioned farmer has consisted of putting myself 2nd then (after 3 kids) 3rd, 4th, 5th etc. Now that I am putting myself first my house doesn't work. But it's my husband that I resent. He is still not being thoughtful, nor helpful, and it's still all about him. In fact nothing he says or does helps and I feel I'd be doing better without him at least I'd be able to sleep as he snores 24/7 & gets very aggressive if I wake him to shut him up. Should I grin and bear all this? Or should I just worry about what I need and deal with him when this is all over? Keep in mind I'm just starting my journey - chemo first then op 1,2 or 3 then radiation then oral chemo. Lost for how to deal with these feelings. HELP.....
JodieWall
Member
12 years ago
I'm glad too xxx Hope your feeling better xx I had my second to last chemo yesterday. Nearly there for me xxx
jenpen
Member
12 years ago
Hope all is good with you .....glad you remembered your password again!

Stay in touch....x

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