Forum Discussion

Piccme's avatar
Piccme
Member
8 years ago

Struggling today

I have only posted a few discussions since joining the network however I just wanted to let you all know that I have spent many hours being comforted and reassured by you all offering your experience, advise and sometimes candid hatred for this sh.. disease! Today however I am really struggling. Over the last two years I have watched my mum struggle with her own cancer battle and resulting dementia. She is in residential care and I have been unable to share with her what is going on with me. My dad has been living by himself for the past two years and has been my rock. I live interstate so haven't been able to travel to see them. My dad is estranged from my sister and until last week I too had not spoken to her for two years. I spoke to dad everyday at the same time so when he missed his call last night I knew something was wrong. I had been planning to go and visit as soon as my treatment was finished. I was pretty sick through chemo and I am now half way through rads. My dad passed away last night, alone at home by himself. This ******* disease didn't let me get another visit in. A couple of weeks ago I received my results back from my prosigna (genome test) which indicated that I had a luminal b high risk 41% reoccurrence probability within the next ten years. Today I just feel that it has not been worth it and am really doubting myself. I know this will pass as I have a good support group around me and I have been seeing a psychologist as many of you have pointed out can be invaluable. I just want to take this opportunity to thank you all for taking the time to care by sharing. Comments may not be directly related to me but without this network and all you wonderful ladies I don't think I would have coped. Thank you all so much and **** cancer! (sorry I hope I don't offend anyone).
  • Piccme's avatar
    Piccme
    Member
    8 years ago
    Thank you all for your kind thoughts, it helped just liked I thought it would. @Zoffiel, I know your right I should be focussing on the larger number 60%, just when things get shitty its not so simple. @primek, you are right, I am relived for my dad that he didn't have prolonged suffering but it doesn't make our loss any easier. A long road with my sister to repair but at least we have begun. Thank you @Afraser, I think you are right, I really needed to just vent. 

  • Brenda5's avatar
    Brenda5
    Member
    8 years ago
    Condolences on your loss. You sound like you are in the anger period. Let the tears come, have a good rant and when you are ready start looking for the little things in life to uplift your spirits. I had a major sleep in this morning. Nothings getting done but I think its just so cool I got to have one. My day is sunny today and that nasty wind is gone. Look for the little things and I send lot of hugz and love to you. <3
  • onemargie's avatar
    onemargie
    Member
    8 years ago
    Hi there lovey. I'll say it for you too.... fuck cancer... those of you who know me on this forum know I use that word just about every post I write and I never get judged for it. I even wrote a little chorus about it on another post (footy finals inspiration) sing along if you like!!!! My dad  and mum lived is SA (I moved to qld aged 21 with hubby) both have passed away now but it is hard living away from them as they age but my dad and I were particularly close and I would talk to him every day too until he wasn't able to speak anymore. Focus on the positive love that's what you need to do. You're here to tell the tale and that's what matters. ❤️ Margie xx