Pushing away or clinging on?

Many people, in fact most people I'd hazard, like to be needed. It makes us feel loved and appreciated. I really struggled with asking for help at the beginning of my BC, but got better at it as I went along.

The best way for me to approach it was to reverse the scenario. If it was one of my close friends who was ill and needing help, of course I'd want to help. In fact I'd be a bit hurt if they didn't ask me.

I'm someone who likes to be on my own as much as I like company. So sometimes I just didn't want any help or company.

These aspects are part of my character in general, not just in times of stress. I think most people with a skerrick of emotional intelligence understand the ebbs and flows of wanting company and the desire to be alone.

So yes, I think it's OK to need people when you're sick, but also to withdraw. You've gotta do what you need to do to get through.

I imagine that depends on your definition of a bad person. Serial killing, abusing children, destroying people's happiness and well being? Probably so. Being changeable, possibly for very good reasons, may not always be easy to live with but it does not make you a bad person! But bc can sometimes be a productive time to do a bit of an emotional stocktake - what's past its ' best by' date, what works for you, what really doesn't? What makes you happy? What do you keep doing even though it doesn't really make you happy? I found thinking through a lot of those things, with some professional guidance, was immensely useful. It's still a work in progress but as Socrates almost said, 'The unexamined life may be less worth living'. Best wishes

Do you guys reckon it’s okay to need people when you’re sick? Is it okay to build walls? It’s all for survival ultimately isn’t it. I think it’s okay. 

Just been wondering whether I’m a bad person for being pretty up and down (like, really up and down!) over the past couple of years. 

Both here too.

I think I did a bit of both.  There were definitely times when I absolutely needed the emotional support and would have fallen apart without it and there were times when I knew that I had erected a wall.

Don't think you are bound to do either. As when "well", relations have differing phases and ups and downs. It's perfectly reasonable for someone who is feeling really unwell to either need a lot of support or just want to be alone, depending on circumstances. Hardest thing is possibly to be able to tell others what you need or want. And to realise that other people have their own ups and downs too, bc can make anyone a bit self focussed.

Obviously by clingy I mean in an emotional sense fully in the horrific context of the shit you go through with breast cancer. Not meaning to say women are ‘needy’ or anything like that.