Pushing away or clinging on?

Just keep talking to that BC Nurse, @JulieSav. ..... and keep chatting here as well.  You can ask ANYTHING here and someone will reply.  We have a ‘Night Howls’ thread of you are awake at 2am and need someone to chat to ...... do what is right for YOU .... and include your hubby and kids too .... they are stronger than you think!!  ;) xxx

That's OK, @juliesav One of the hardest realizations is that we have to refocus after diagnosis, our world has changed, things are not the same. That can take time and overturning previous priorities can be really tough for some people. You do what you need to do, everyone else will just have to adjust too.

I felt like that at the beginning @JulieSav. I didn't talk to many people at all, didn't tell people for a few weeks. Then I found this forum and it saved my sanity. And spared my friends and family from so many worried conversations! You do what you need to get through. Big hug, K xox

It's often a lot easier to talk to a comparative stranger. Instinctively, you know you don't have to worry about their feelings too! So talk away when you can and when you feel like it. Your family just need to know how they can help, even if that's just giving you some space at the moment. One way or another, we all do it on our own but the love and support of others can make that road a lot more navigable. Best wishes. 

I am only newly diagnosed - mastectomy next week and I have put up the proverbial wall of China around myself.  Don’t have any close girlfriends at the moment and siblings all interstate so it’s just hubby and kids who are being totally amazing but I just feel like I have to do this on my own.  I saw a breast care nurse this week when I had MRI done and I could have talked to her for hours but I just can’t open up to family and just want to be left in my bubble.

@"Summer Prevails" I think it's interesting that your comment says "I guess the way certain friends have treated me since then has made me really doubt myself".
I would be thinking more along the lines of it would make me doubt those friends!!! You can control you, you can't control others thoughts, actions, reactions and a lot of ladies here have had friends they thought they could rely on walk away and others come out of the blue and be champions and really get the assistance level needed. Either way you do what you need to do to get through and if others can't cope I truly believe that it is their issue. I read of a man who was going through cancer treatment who would actually sit in his wardrobe to be away from everyone so he could centre himself and focus on fighting the cancer cells, I don't see that as being wrong or selfish or neglecting anybody. It is simply a coping mechanism and that is also what erecting walls is. Big hugs to you lovely, let us know how you are getting along. Xx 

Thanks ladies for all your responses. It’s making me think. I guess I’ve been trying to work out if BC made me act like a needy person, or if I just am a needy person, or if I just have some really narcissistic friends who made me feel like I was too needy? 

Does that make sense? 

i know that in the 6 months right after finishing active treatment, I had to do some serious reclaiming of Me Time. Not Nursing Time, not Look After Lymphoedema Time, not Bloody Physio Time. Just actual time where I had to block people’s dramas out and cut loose and be in my own safe mental space and physical space. In order to feel alive again. I guess I went from being utterly dependent on loved ones, to being as independent as I could handle. I think that may have confused or hurt some people? 
I guess the way certain friends have treated me since then has made me really doubt myself.

Boy does my psych have her work cut out when I see her next ! 

 

I think you need to do what works for you. I became exhausted trying to protect other people and work out how to support them through my treatment. I was surrounded by a supportive family and friends, but sometimes I just needed time to myself.

I hope there’s someone you can talk to and who can support you. The Cancer Council have counsellors who will listen to you (5 free counselling sessions - plus phone support from nurses) and you can be completely honest with them. All the best. 

I don't think BC changes who we are, and I believe we handle it in the same way we have managed major hurdles in the past. Some send out a distress call and want to have all hands on deck, some run for the hills and keep secrets, there are  the instant experts who research, others put their heads under the blanket and chant. Many of us oscillate between one response and another

I've always been insular, with the strange exception of this site. Bless the internet. My first reaction to stress is 'Get away from me while I figure this out.' That's pretty hard on those who care for you unless, of course, they are used to it and see that as a valuable trait. Honesty is best. Mxx

I hate being smothered with 'good intentions' but I appreciated being 'supported'.  

I told everyone that I wanted jokes, not tears & fears ..... and most behaved well!

Being up & down is a part of most people's reaction to being told they have cancer of any sort & throughout the active treatment & even afterwards - but I really DO think that BC has an extra 'emotional content' that most of us hadn't factored into our recovery.  

Everyone is different in the way they attack this mongrel of a disease ..... so everyone is 'right' I reckon  ;)    Whatever works for you - do it.

All the best to those doing it tough just now  xxxx