Hi there. I am a 45 yr old married mum of 4 who lives in a country town where everybody knows everybody. I had a 4cm tumor and 9 cancerous lymph nodes so full mastectomy to affected side and all lymph nodes removed. I have been told i am most likely to have a great outcome but i am having full on chemo and radiation to make sure every evil cell is gone. I have a positive attitude and peopple are amazed but I cant imagine getting thru this any other way. I can handle losing a body part as i simply had no choice. What i cant handle is losing my hair. Its not even a vanity thing. Its taken me most of my 45 years to actually be comfortable with my thick long curls. I actually wouldnt even mind losing my hair but now that my hair is falling out it wont be long befor everybody knows i have cancer and i can no longer keep it private. Not looking forward to the looks of sympathy or making others feel uncomfortable. Im annoyed that now I can no longer choose who knows about my BC as it will be very obvious that i have cancer. I said to hubby this morning the thing about losing my hair is that people are now going to see me with my 4 young children and think the worst and feel sorry for me when I am trying to stay positive.

I felt very similar when I received my initial diagnosis last year. When my hair started to fall out it made it very real, the whole cancer thing. Don't be embarrassed. Try to take it in your stride. People will ask stupid stuff but on the whole, most people are just concerned. Your kids will see you with no hair and so will your hubby, so they are the ones that really matter. The whole small town syndrome can actually work in your favour, people will want to help. Accept it, they are just trying to lighten the load. I hope this helps a little. Deb xoxo

Thanks Deb. I have been handling it all till now. I never even wear hats they dont fit over my big hair lol so i will look very different. Wouldnt it be nice if they invented some chemo treatment that didnt cause hair loss would make it all so much easier to cope with. Hope you are going well. Anne-Marie xxx

I agree with Deb,don't worry about what people think.And yes,for the most part,I have found people genuinely concerned.I told no one about my BC except my husband and children,and I kept it this way until after my mastectomy.However,when I knew that I would be having chemo,I took a deep breath and had my head shaved.I have never worn a hat in my life,but do you,know what,I am actually very comfortable wearing little fitted caps and bandanas!Take care,and before you know it,your hair will be growing again.HugsxoxRobyn.

Hi - I too live in a country town and know exactly what you mean about everybody knows everybody - and more importantly everyone knows what's going on and what they don't know they make up!!!! However on the flipside, country people are the most generous in giving and when you are going through any sort of trauma will be the first to lend a hand, cook a meal, pick your kids up and generally just be there - which if you are not used to that can be a challenge. I was diagnosed also at 45, had bilateral mastectomy but did not have chemo so could have kept my journey private however I chose to be public for a number of reasons - if I was having a bad day I didn't have to hide it, when I needed help I asked for it, if my kids were being difficult then they were cut a little slack. BUT most importantly I felt that if my journey prompted someone else to check their own boobs, have a mammogram, pick up the phone to ask a friend with BC if they were OK, have their husbands more BC aware etc THEN my BC had served a greater purpose. I remember distinctly being at a regional netball training with my daughter only a week after I had my initial lumpectomy and sitting alone with another mother (who I didn't know particularly well) watching our girls train. She asked me what I did during the school holidays and I began "Well I was diagnosed with BC but it's all good" - and then proceeded to yack about my history and impending treatment. I looked over at her and she had tears streaming down her cheeks - my first thought was "Oh shit what have I said!" and proceeded to apologise. She looked at me and said "I had the same thing a couple of years ago but didn't tell anyone - not even my mother" - the look of relief on her face and the conversation that ensued will remain with me always. I have many stories of at the time blokes in the pub looking at my chest and asking how I was - I would look back at them and say "I am and They are fine" while pointing to my boobs - one night one of them told me that his wife was going for a mammogram as a result of him telling her about me. I was at zumba one day and a lady that I didn't even know asked me if I was Raelee's daughter (Mum had BC also) and told me that she had been talking to Mum one day and as a result had a mammogram, was diagnosed early, had treatment and was doing well. Is a pretty amazing feeling to know that we have made a difference.. I know that we all cope differently and as you are, not everyone will be comfortable with people knowing - the most important thing that I found was beginning my story with "I was diagnosed with BC BUT I am doing just fine..." - it always started the conversation on a positive level. No matter what happens, hold your head high - the ones that truly matter know the real story ............ Leanne xx :-)

Thanks Deb for taking the time to help me with this. You made me laugh. Your niece sounds similar to my 9 yr old daughter. She was outside yelling out to her Dad that Mum was losing her hair so she was picking me flowers. Ive tried looking for hats a few times with her but she is always mentioning (she is naturally very loud) me losing my hair. I am putting off my shower this morning as i know most of my hair will go and i just dont want to wear a hat. Big test tonight; 3 of my kids playing basketball so to be brave or not. Look after yourself. Your advice is much aporeciated xx

Missing my privacy | BCNA Online Network

21 Replies

Ammo4
Member
13 years ago
Hi. Thsmks for helping me out with all your great advice. Yes it has been very traumatic, i had lots of it too. I am ok now and will just ease back into it slowly. It helps having to run around after my kids with school and sport but havent had to get out of the car yet. It hasnt been a week yet so i figure i am doing better than imagined i would so thats ok. Im sorry for the loss of your friend, very sad. It sounds like you live in the best place and it is great there a few of you who can help each other through this journey. Your party is a great idea, hope you all have a night to remember. Thanks again your reply helped greatly take care xx
Ammo4
Member
13 years ago
Hi. Thsmks for helping me out with all your great advice. Yes it has been very traumatic, i had lots of it too. I am ok now and will just ease back into it slowly. It helps having to run around after my kids with school and sport but havent had to get out of the car yet. It hasnt been a week yet so i figure i am doing better than imagined i would so thats ok. Im sorry for the loss of your friend, very sad. It sounds like you live in the best place and it is great there a few of you who can help each other through this journey. Your party is a great idea, hope you all have a night to remember. Thanks again your reply helped greatly take care xx
jenpen
Member
13 years ago
Thanks....missing Mum more than I though I would but feeling her love every day!

Gosh, the hair thing hey? I laughed when I read you were going to another town to do your shopping....that is me!!!! I prob will do the same......but, I guess we just have to suck it in and be as brave and strong as the other ladies on this wonderful website!

Best of luck to you - look forward to reading your next blog! x
Ammo4
Member
13 years ago
I'm sorry about your mum. Cant imagine how you are coping at the moment. Good luck with your appointment on Friday. You will prob be relieved to get the ttreatment started as i was, the sooner the better. Especially the first dose of chemo. Dont be scared and dont hesitate ringing your nurses if you feel worse than you think you should. I didnt ring and suffered needlessly when all i needed was a couple more tablets (i had run out). As for your hair i didnt think i would cope without mine either. As a friend put it i am recognised by my trademark hair lol. I am ok now with it but still havent been shopping yet. I will be taking it slowly until more people get used to it, i hate making people feel uncomfortable. Few more drives down the main street then i might pop in to foodland in the next town to ease me back into it. Best of luck with your treatment xx
Ammo4
Member
13 years ago
Hi Jenpen. It was so much fun wish i had done it when it first started to fall out. Its going to go anyway so have fun with it and it nakes you feel so much better to see your kids have fun. So glad my post has helped you too. This is just a quick reply will reply more fully tonite when i have some time. X
jenpen
Member
13 years ago
Well I have got a new tip from you now.....when it comes time for my hair loss after I start chemo, my 9 & 10 yr olds will be the ones to cut it for me....great idea and good for them too to have a bit of fun with it.

Hope I will brave as you to be seen around the town too...the inevitable I guess!

xx
Ammo4
Member
13 years ago
I know. I am so glad i thought to do that. My 9 year old had many tears during the day (ilet them have day off school) when i showed her my half bald head and we had lots of cuddles. So to see her joy when cutting my hair( what was left of it) short was priceless. She had lots of giggles with her friends at school telling them what she did. X
Ammo4
Member
13 years ago
I know. I am so glad i thought to do that. My 9 year old had many tears during the day (ilet them have day off school) when i showed her my half bald head and we had lots of cuddles. So to see her joy when cutting my hair( what was left of it) short was priceless. She had lots of giggles with her friends at school telling them what she did. X
Stemgirl
Member
13 years ago
What a fabulous idea to let your 6 and 9 year olds play hairdresser! I wish I'd thought of that. How special x
Ammo4
Member
13 years ago
Hi Carolyn. My husband and generations of his family r born and bred here too. He also coaches too much sport so we are very well known by all surrounding towns too. You have a great attitude i hope i get as brave as you. I am rapt i have actually left the house to be honest. I didnt think i would cope so well. I am so glad i decided to write something on here. All of you have really helped me. I have even driven down the main street on purpose several times instead of taking another street just so people can see the new me and get used to it. I have a very recognisable 8 seater van so u cant miss me. I sat in car last night at basketball which gave people a chance to see i look different and some came up to talk which was great and some just gave me a big wave which was great too. When i got home i told my 6 and 9 year old girls they could play hairdresser and cut mum's hair for real. They couldnt believe it and their laughter and look of pride at how they had cut my hair will be remembered forever. they loved telling their friends about it at school today. Thanks again and look after yourself. X