Fed up!

 So sorry to hear you are having a tough time. I know what you mean about doing a runner, if only it worked.  I get so angry with what has happened  and the people that say you are going to be ok your lucky you did not have chemo or radiation so you must be ok now, forget the fact you have had a masectomey just move on.  Yes I agree with you the treatmeant seems to be barabric.

 I am waiting on results for bowl cancer tests ,should  know more on the 25th of this month and waiting to have a gene test as I have lot of cancer in my family.My oncoligist said if it comes back positive I should look at having the other breast off and a hysterectomyas well. I am on antidepressions at the moment and seeing a shrink as I have just found it all too much.

We all have different journeys , but are so lucky we have each other , as I know I would not cope without this sight and the support we get. It is good we can be so honest about how we feel .

Iam sending you the biggest hug and hope things get better for you very soon. Debbie

hi Leonie...... Well what a woman this is!!!, and you might not look like our own lovely Leonie, but anyone who knows you wont even notice you dont look the same. i always look in on your blogs, and not only are you going through this, but you are a great member of our little bcna community liaison and network champions club. So GOOD ON YOU GIRL!!!!! you'll be back in that little pink Tutu looking glam by the time October comes around. Take Care Moira XXX

oh for sure the ladies on here feel like family, always ready with so much helpful advise, i would be lost with out you all xxx

.......and think of the lovely friends we make on the way x x x

Hi Josie, first time my daughter came with me so i had someone to talk to most of the time which was good, the nurse i had was named Sandra as well so we had a good chat there as well, so i spent most of my treatment talking, anyone who knows me would just laugh and think thats Sandy she never shuts up lol, this time my best friend is coming with me so god help anyone else in the room lol she can talk more than me.

Chin up we will come through this, maybe not exactly the same person that started it but one hell of alot stronger woman. Sandy X

I agree Tonya - I thought that the other day, I wonder if they will think (with all their technology) how barbaric this all seemed - it seems barbaric to me now!

I know what you mean Leonie - I don't even recognise myself! I did a 'self portrait' painting at art the other day and I did it from a photo taken Feb 2010 - everyone at the art class said, "Oh! is that a relative?' I kid you not - I felt like my heart dropped into my boots! No one realised it was me in the photo! (forget the painting!) I tell you, a couple of days later I had a big bawl in the bedroom when my husband went up the street to do some shopping, I didn't know you could actually cry 'from your boots' but I certainly did!  I felt really sorry for myself and did the 'why me' thing - my husband came home and found me, all puffy-eyed and not-a-happy-camper, he just gave me a big hug.  I have found this journey sometimes feels like a bloody road to hell and back.  One day I am sparking on all six, the next I am down in the dumps - I am all over the place!  If I get the 'blues' I tend to feel guilty the next day - is that normal? But as you ladies would know, I wouldn't know normal if it jumped up and smacked me in the face.  Yes, so I have a laugh and think wow, you really look a mess kiddo - but the next day I get on with it, and forget I am wearing that 'beanie' that seems to be glued to my head.   Yep! the emotions are all over the show, I tried to explain myself to one of my daughters over the phone tonight, and I succeeded in making her cry - I never meant that to happen! Poor kid, what must be going through her head - I bet she wouldn't recognise me at the moment, I sure have a hard time recognising myself!  I feel lately I am losing the plot.....or I may have already lost it?????? well keep plodding along on that journey and see how whacky I am at the end of it - one things for sure, I will never be the same person again - already I feel very different about every thing! x x x 

Hi Josie,  My thoughts are with you.  We all do find strength - God only knows where from?  I found it really hard being away from home for 6 weeks for radiation (8 hours by car ).  I used to cry every day travelling the 30minutes from my sister's through traffic on my own but I also thought how wonderful I was doing the city traffic driving.  The bonus was that I could see my two little grandchildren most days.  Now that I am home and on chemo I miss them terribly.  You have every right to be sad, angry etc etc.   Let it out girl!!!  This is a b....... of a journey but it is also a very loving ride if you take a minute to look around.  I have met some amazing people on my journey and continue to marvel at their feats.  When I am in my bad days after chemo, I just go with the flow - do nothing, eat and drink what I can and just survive.  Then when I come out of the "prison" I am so overjoyed to feel well and try to be as normal as I can and do what I can and what I want to.   Tell you a funny story, I went out shopping today in my headgear of scarfs etc.  I always try to look as best as I can when I leave the house so off I went.  I just happened to look up at my reflection in a shop window and thought "Gee I'd better get home quick before someone recognises me" - I didn't even look like the old me but I am surviving until the old me comes back.  Hang in there XLeonie

Yes Sandy I will be thinking of you - do you go to sleep through your chemo? I did for my first one and am hoping I shall be as relaxed this next tine around, I took crossword, sewing and reading to do but it just sat on my lap as I snored the place down!  x x x J

Oh Annie - how dare I winge about how far I have to travel then I read how far you have had to travel - whooa! I nearly fell off my chair!, I only have to go 1 and 1/2 hours to get there.......I feel very sheepish now! I bet you are in SO MANY ways glad you are over the chemo - at least I can have my chemo in my local (bush) hospital.  I will think of you tomorrow, and remind myself to pull my head in!  I have to go to another town for the radio therapy after the chemo - for 4 to 6 weeks (not looking forward to that, but they will put us up in accomodation) - I am having all the heart tests to find out if I am going to have Herceptin every three weeks for the next year - I am seriously thinking, I shall cross that bridge when I come to it.  I read some of the stories on here, and a lot of them give me hope, inspiration and like yours I think my distance thing isn't too bad - at least the big major town I go to is only 140+ k's, but apparently up until last year the locals here had to travel to Melbourne - over 300 k's so like I said, maybe I need to pull my head in!  I feel wonderfully inspired by you and I hope in all sincerity that every thing goes really well, you deserve it!  I send you heartfelt wishes and wonderful vibes x x x Josie